AIBU to think it's not appropriate to take a toddler to a graveyard?

[MotherChristmas1973]

That's it really.

used to go with my mum when i was a child took my children and now the grandchildren come with me or their parents nothing wrong why make it a secret or not allowed? youll just make them think that its a scary place or blow it all out of proportion

My Dad died young when my DDs were only 2 and 5 months old (they're now 4 and 2). We've been to my Dad's grave several times together. I don't do it in a 'morbid' or 'frightening' way, just get the kids to help with watering the flowers on his grave etc. I don't really think they even understand what the grave is to be honest, I think they just think it's like a small garden. Regardless I think death is part of life and it's okay to gently expose kids to these things in an age appropriate way.

Some interesting comments there. Some agree, most do not. Some do not understand my post. Didn't get past page 1 tbh as my dad is here now for dinner. It's just my opinion & feelings, don't expect everyone to agree. Would be a funny old world if we did. Merry Christmas everyone!

I go to the baby garden that my children are in with my dc.

What's not appropriate was them having to face the harsh reality that children die sometimes, the reality that their siblings are no longer here.

Going to a baby garden or grave to remember is perfectly appropriate.

I used to take my kids to my grandads grave and have a picnic.
He has a beautiful plot on the edge of the cemetery under a tree with a bench.

I don't know if it's weird but it's a find memory now.

"Here's a public post saying that grieving people are being innappropriate on day where things are that bit harder anyway"

"Merry christmas everyone"

We lost FIL two years ago when kids were 9 and 7. We have always taken them to his grave - it is a long way away from us but we go several times a year. We take whisky which we sprinkle on the ground and we chat to him. We have running jokes about the badgers getting pissed after we have gone and the donkey in the next field which sounds like a chainsaw. It's just what seems right to us.

Oh fgs Christmas is a time for remembering loved ones what better way than at their graveside?!

But why on earth would you need to have an in depth discussion about death, let alone its more gruesome aspects just because you're in a graveyard? Why not just, this is where we go to think about grandma and put some flowers to be happy thinking about her" and then tell a funny story about grandma? We've always started Xmas by hanging tinsel around the photo of my FIL who died whem our youngest was 2.
Learning to remember can be a happy thing.

A cemetery near us is also an arboretum, and is on the national register off historic places. We go there a lot. People get married there. It's beautiful. There's nothing inappropriate about taking a child to a cemetery.

Used to live next to a cemetery - DM was always taking me around it for a walk. I used to pick daisies and put them on the children's graves.

I remember bring about four, no older and visiting my nana grave with my mum.
I remember even at that age the peaceful feeling you get when you've been.

I don't think it's inappropriate at all.

Yes, YABU. My first daughter was stillborn and we’ve been taking my subsequent daughter to her sister’s grave since she was born. Am I supposed to find a babysitter every time my husband and I want to go together to visit our daughter’s grave? I want my living daughter (and any future children) to know about their big sister, not hide her away like she’s a bad thing.

Christmas is quite categorically NOT (just) for kids.

We always went to visit my nanas grave on Christmas Day when I was a child. It was a normal part of our Christmas Day, we’d go straight after mass and bring flowers.

To me Christmas is always a time to remember loved one we’ve lost. YABVU to think this is inappropriate.

Some agree, most do not.

Actually, I don't see one post thus far that agrees with you. I would hate to think someone who's sensitive and grieving would feel judged by your post.

Surely a toddler would see a pretty field with lots of amazing statues and flowers? This seems almost as ridiculous as the fat controller question

You're being ridiculous.

That is a stupid thought. What about those children who have lost their mothers?? Yes, the toddler does not understand really, but perhaps the DH want to keep their mother's memories alive? I had very good friend who died of brain cancer and she was only 30 at the time. Her daughter was not even 2 yet. Her DH takes her to visit the grave from time to time...perhaps so he can think of his wife...perhaps he can't always leave her with someone, as now he is the lone parent he has full responsibility of watching her. Please think about things...before you judge on why someone might bring a toddler to the graveyard....

What a twatty couple of posts from the op

What?? We go all the time. In fact, we have celebrations there, and birthday parties.

My second child actually lives there. So yes, a place for children. And people of all ages unfortunately.

What a load of rubbish op.
My school friend has a sister who died at the age of 5, when she was 3.
Her parents and siblings(most of whom came along after her death) visited her grave on Xmas day. Friend is now 50, someone still visits the grave on Xmas day, with their kids as well.
I find it incredibly touching.

Babies and toddlers don't understand that it's Christmas Day

Who were the people that took the toddler to who's grave?

Eh? We don't understand your post? You ask AIBU that it's not appropriate to take toddlers to a graveyard then say that's it really, what's not to understand?
It's how my two as toddlers learned they had a sister who died and that death isn't to be scared of. I wasn't about to drop a dead sister into conversation when they were 20.
They also visited grandparent graves and great grandparents with me all through the years.
Yabu