AIBU to think it's not appropriate to take a toddler to a graveyard?

[MotherChristmas1973]

That's it really.

My mil died suddenly earlier this year. My 5 year old regularly asks to go and talk to her and stands and chats at her grave if he has something he wants to get off her chest. I take my 14 month with me. He was 7 months when she died and she would have adored him. My eldest asked to decorate her grave for Xmas and it looked lovely. Death is something he just accepts.

My children visit their older sibling, who’s ashes are buried in our local churchyard. It’s part of everyday life for us to remember them. I don’t understand why morbid? Death is part of everyday life for all of us. If we talked about it more openly, people wouldn’t be as scared of it and find it strange that children know about it.

An outing is an outing to a toddler.
Most or many churches are surrounded by graveyards so any toddler that gets taken to church goes through a graveyard regularly.

Remains and physical Memorials aren’t big in my family so we don’t visit graveyards and actually I have no idea what happened to the ashes of my much loved and missed grandparents so personally I wouldn’t be making regular visits to a grave as a homage to my memories but if that is important to you, take your toddler along.

I think it’s more of an issue with Older kids if you try and make them feel something over someone they never met.

But, OP, you haven’t said what circumstances you are talking about. Sunday afternoon with a bunch of daffs, full moon wearing black cloaks and conducting some sort of goth fake satanic rites....what exactly do you mean?

YABU. Who is it hurting? The kids don't understand. Are you seriously suggesting that a child needs to be old enough to give their consent before going to a graveyard? I think graveyards are beautiful, peaceful, lovely, calming, spiritual places which put life into perspective. It's not like you're taking them to a bloody strip club or something. I can't understand your objection.

As both our DFs died and were buried long before our DCs were born, our DCs have been taken to both cemetaries since infancy. DS1 was about 4 when he made the connection that DH and I have DMs but no DFs and we have been open about their deaths and what death is.

A cemetary should be treated respectfully and is not a playground, but it's nice to see people of all ages using them to walk in, to sit in. I have a very pleasant memory of eating my lunch there with DM as we met up on my lunchbreak when I worked next-door.

Although thinking about it, our church certainly has no issue about it. At Easter, they set up an egg hunt through the graves in the churchyard and use it as a space for organised games for children's clubs.

I've never heard the sound of someone turning in their grave at the presence of children

I’ve never even considered the possibility that it’s strange to take kids to a graveyard. Mine have been to visit family graves since being toddlers and have also visited many war cemeteries in Normandy.

I’ve taken my toddler before. Why not? Their brother is buried and they like to put flowers/windmills/ornaments on for him.

The first time I took my son to a graveyard,he was about 6 months old.Every time I went to check on my Gran and Grandad's grave,he'd come with me.Each time we went,I'd remember something else about them and shared the stories with him.

He still comes with me even though he's ''old'' at 22 and often mentions them to me.We both love walking through ''their'' graveyard,he always comments on how beautiful it is and how peaceful,it's also given him an appreciation of nature.

Now tell me it's inappropriate.

I was much loved by my grandparents and had (and still have) a huge amount of respect and love for them.

I’m so glad people have said YANBU.

YABU!! 🙈 I meant I’m so glad people have said YABU.

Death is a part of life.

My children have been going to the graveyard to visit their grandparents and older brother since they were born.
We often walk through there chatting, smiling, thinking of what’s happened lately that we can share with them. It’s normal.

Innappropriate how? We're all born, we all die. Every family suffers loss.

I took my small DC to visit their younger sibling. It's their loss too. They fed the animals who live there. No one actually noticed DH and I having a bit of a cry.

Then they went to visit grandparents. It doesnt upset them. It's just something nice we do and something they accept.

What a odd thing to say. I've been taking my children since they were born to visit my mum's grave. They ask questions which I answer honestly. It's a totally normal thing.

Reading this has just made me think of something that happened when we were on holiday in France, visiting some WWII graves. My dd was about 2 and started singing and twirling around etc. I told her to stop as we were in a graveyard but my Dad told her to carry on- the reason those men had all died was so that she had the freedom to be able to do those things. It brings a tear thinking about it!

This thread has made me cry. Never knew there was such a thing as a Baby Garden. How lovely.

I can't visit any relatives as all cremated but I often wonder what I'd prefer for me.

OP, you're daft. (I'm being polite)

When I was little I used to ask my nan to take me to 'visit the angels' at the church near her house. There was a trend back in the 60s/70s for angel statues on graves so there are a few in our local graveyard. I've been taken on many a peaceful stroll around there, and we don't even have any relatives in there.

I did go a bit goth in my teens and still love a graveyard now though

I'm a bit weepy too. Death is part of life. Cemeteries are a lovely place to remember those you have lost.

Of course its a good idea. You explain its a place to remember someone and think about them. An important concept