AIBU to think it's not appropriate to take a toddler to a graveyard?

[MotherChristmas1973]

That's it really.

The first Christmas without my darling mum this year. I have an 8 month old baby.

Perhaps you judged me as I bought my mum flowers on Xmas day with my baby in my arms?

Where do you suggest I leave him? At the graveyard gates by the road by himself?

Stupid woman.

I disagree
Children should learn about death
Children don’t need protecting from everything
They need things explaining to them in a way they understand

why involve babies who are not of an age to make the decision on their own?

If you followed that logic to its conclusion you’d do nothing with your baby! Besides, a toddler won’t understand what a graveyard is... and even if s/he did, why would it matter?

And also, when they start being able to express preferences, are you always going to let them do and go exactly what they want? There’s a recipe for a spoiled child if ever there was!

but why involve babies who are not of an age to make the decision on their own?

You make hundreds of decisions a day for a baby/toddler. You involve them in all sorts before they are old enough to make a decision themseleves.

Why is this any different?

Stupid woman bit harsh Florries although I do understand your upset.

By your logic OP why foist Christmas on babies and toddlers, after all they're not of an age to make the decision to celebrate it or make a choice to believe if Santa is real or not...

I don't think it was harsh, it is a fucking nasty thread, on Christmas Day of all days when families may have been visiting loved ones (like us)
Why start a thread to potentially upset?
Grief is a hard thing, and everyone does it differently. Nothing wrong with kids visiting family and seeing it as normal to go say hi to, to keep the memory alive.

Yes OP, much better to pretend that death doesn't exist. When a beloved grandparent dies, its probably a far better idea to pretend that they haven't and just pretend that they don't want to see them any more instead. That's far healthier.

There are some weird attitudes to death on mumsnet.

I agree Glitter. Just a bit nasty and goady too. With lots of crucial info missing. Why bother.

I find this such a weird idea. I had to walk through a graveyard to get to toddler group when my youngest was small, when she asked what the gravestones were I explained. If there was obviously someone visiting a grave I would obviously keep my distance and give them space but I see nothing wrong with a toddler or baby being there or laying flowers.

A "brand new" poster too. Who'd have thought it.

Some of my earliest memories of the Christmas period are of my own gran taking me and my cousins to put a lovely Christmas wreath on her parents' grave. A lovely crisp walk up to the churchyard and helping her to fasten the wreath. My Mum then took on the tradition taking dd to put the wreath on my gran's grave.
Nothing morbid, nothing inappropriate. Just lovely Christmas memories for all of us.

So fuck off OP.

Some interesting comments there. Some agree, most do not.

I haven’t seen any who do agree

Glitter I just think name calling is unnecessary as it hardly advances the discussion.

I am usually with you on that one, first to say be nice, me. Can't do with nastiness.
This thread though? It's nasty in itself, when lots out there will have visited gone but not forgotten relatives.

Yeah, @Aridane - same. Where are all the agreeing posts? Not seen any of those.

Yes perhaps the thread was started to upset people - I do hope not but I suppose you can never be sure.

Goady Christmas Day nonsense.

This thread is upsetting. Christmas is a time for family, those past and present.

Don't see the issue at all

why involve babies who are not of an age to make the decision on their own?

Doesn't stop us letting kids get christened or to go to weddings or funerals does it

If you don't like seeing it there are 2 solutions. You can stay out of cemeteries and graveyards or you can concentrate on the grave you are visiting and mind your own business about what anyone else doing - you know like normal people do.

OP - I don’t uunderstand your post?
What might be the problem in taking a toddler to a graveyard? I think I missed something.

The only time it's not appropriate is if there is a burial going on and the kids are running around.
Any other time it's completely fine. Death is part of life after all.