AIBU to think it's not appropriate to take a toddler to a graveyard?

[MotherChristmas1973]

That's it really.

What exactly is the problem?

We went yesterday to take a little Christmas tree for my DH’s parents who sadly never met any of our 3 children (23 months, 10 and 12). Of course it’s important to take children, especially if they never met them. It’s important to my DH too.

Took dd through graveyard this morning to get to and from church. She doesn't seem at all traumatised.

I take my toddler to my nan and grandad to put a wreath down. We discuss death and she knows that we go to remember them

Yabu. Some of my dc have been to their brother's grave as toddlers.

As everyone has said YABU and I would say it's unanimous

I think it can be a lovely thing to do and good to remember those who are not with us. FIL doesn't have a grave to visit and I think dh struggles a little with that at times. We would absolutely take the dc to visit and remember if he did

Some do not understand my post.

Correct. I don’t understand batshit generally.

If you don’t care if people don’t agree, you know you’re right and you don’t care of people think YABU and you’re not going to read any of the replies, can I ask you WTF the point was in taking time out of your day to post this craziness was?

You’re being a Christmas cockwomble.

Some do not understand my post

There's nothing to understand. You just said you thought it was inappropriate, but not why.You've had lots of well-reasoned responses to your very unreasoned OP.

YABU but I suspect that was the intention behind your post anyway.

So far this Christmas period my toddler and young child have been to the crematorium baby memorial garden to visit their sister and hang messages on the Christmas trees there, and been to the church to light a candle for her. I’m sure you’d find it even more inappropriate to know that they saw their sister after she had died as well.

YABVU I take my daughter along (1 year) we go for a walk then take some flowers or just pop by to 'see nana'. I want my daughter to talk about and visit my mum
I think YABU not to take them!!

Oh fgs Christmas is a time for remembering loved ones what better way than at their graveside?!

Tbh I can think of several other ways- looking at photos, videos, talking about them, talking about past Christmases shared with them, doing things that person liked doing. I don't remotely think that what will now be in my grandfather's grandmother's and mother's graves has anything much to do with them as I remember them.

I love visiting old graveyards and I don't think there is anything inappropriate in a small child going to look round one.

How anyone deals with remembrance is up to them but I see where the OP is coming from. I personally don't think visiting a grave is a particularly good way of remembering a person or what a person was like; especially if the deceased person was someone the child didn't know or was too young to remember. For example if when I'm dead and if I had grandchildren I hadn't known I think I'd prefer my son were to remember me by say taking them to a Christmas ballet (your grandmother always went) than taking him to the piece of ground containing my skeleton.

Also I recommend you never go to Ireland.

^^ This

The Irish have a completely different attitude to death.

The nearest safe place that I can take one lot of GC for a walk is in a churchyard. What are those stones for Grandma? - they are for remembering people. No problem. As they got older a bit more detail is added - again, no problem.

The Irish have a completely different attitude to death.

My 6 year old was there when my father died and then proceeded to spend the next couple of days popping in and out of the room to sit with Granda and keep him company. My dad adored him so he'd have been delighted.

I used to take my children almost every night in the summer whilst on our walk. It was en route. Kids were 4,5 & 9.
Sometimes they’d bring a couple of toy cars and place them on a child’s grave (so they’d have some toys to play with) . It was really lovely actually.

You need to watch Coco.
Yabu
A) Christmas is not just for kids
B) Death is part of life

YABU.

I don’t see an issue with it. Surely it’s teaching children to grieve and that it’s ok to be sad when someone does and it’s normal to remember them.

Yabu.

Nonsense

And whilst I get for some people a grave doesn’t feel like a good place to remember someone. However I lost my dad when I was very little and my mum never took me to where his ashes are, since my mum passed I have found massive comfort in knowing where my dad is and going to pay my respects- nearly 25 years after he passed.

Everyone grieves differently and even if you cannot remember a person you can still grieve them.

Interestingly, we had this conversation today. My sisters first born passed away and we always go to see him with her two DC and my niece and nephew.

They love going to see him and are 2 and 4, but naturally they're not necessarily the most respectful but obviously mean no harm.

I did see a gentleman look at us today like we were doing something wrong, and I actually understand because he obviously is grieving, but it's definitely not unreasonable for her to take her children to see their sibling.

So yeah, YABU, but I can totally see why someone might not be impressed and I think that's fair enough under the circumstances.

Weird post.
You'd be horrified by us OP. We live next door to a large graveyard. We regularly walk through it just as a route to get to and from our home.
It is actually a beautiful tranquil walk and the graveyard is in fact full of life. Squirrels, birds, rabbits, badgers and foxes as well as hundreds of spring bulbs and summer flowers (we helped plant hundreds more recently).
My children know it is where we bury our dead but they have no fear of that or being there. Why should they?

When I knew my dad was going to die, I fixated on how I'd tell my then 5yo dd that he'd gone. She was fantastic, accepted it, asked a couple of questions and that was it. We cremated dad, so no grave, but we've got together to scatter some of his ashes & have told her it's a way to say goodbye. Totally normal in our house. To do otherwise would be to write my dad out of our lives entirely & that was be not only an insult to his memory, but cruel to my dd who remembers him.