AIBU to feel LIVID!!!! 😔

[Bamchic]

Because after 4 .5 years MIL doesn’t even know my name.
Apparently it’s because I’ve not had DHs child. So I’m not really in it for the long haul
I had to have a TFMR in 2017 past 20W, and this would’ve been DS first Christmas (Edd 20.1.18)

I can’t fathom why she can’t learn my name 2 syllable very plain think Emma, Susie, Jessie etc.

We are here until 2 and I feel so sad. Can’t wait until 330 when I can see my own mum and dad. I feel so sad and worthless 😢

That's awful! Your DH is clearly as rude as his mother!

Can't believe your DH hasn't got your back on this. This does not bode well for the future...

In other her news DN did my nails beautifully and really cheered me up. We all need some Christmas glitter after al

Awful behaviour from MIL and now from your DH too. Sorry it's happening to you.

He's also not talking to me now

I'd have serious problem with this. He should support you and clearly he's chosen not to.

Your nails look lovely though. What a wonderful DN you have.

She just calls me dhs name wife, or sorry what’s your name, or Jessica (DH xw name)
Do you just take this shit from her silently?
No wonder she carries on!

You need to call her out and confront her, this 'non confrontational' lark just makes you a mug.
Your husband seems to still be mired in F.O.G and his boundaries are not clear.....low contact does not mean spending christmas day with them or visiting often.
Your husband is allowing mil to abuse you...probably because he's abusive himself and doesn't see anything wrong with it.
He has no balls to stand up to his awful mother but he has the nerve to behave like a dick with you!

Stop taking their shite and stand up for yourself.
I'd also be making it VERY clear that any future dc will NOT be involved with mil if you can help it.

Ok so update = your husband is a total wanker.

I'm so sorry Bamchic for both your MIL and DH.

You deserve a lot better from BOTH of them. If you are still together next year (In the nicest way possible; I hope not), you are well within reason to refuse to go there ever again.

I'm sorry, OP, but your husband is as bad as his mother. He's enabling her to abuse you, and is getting angry with you when you even try to talk about it with him. That's just awful.

You have a serious problem on your hands, I fear.

They are both utter knobheads, your MIL and DH. I'd stick with your prosecco and your mum until you've made a very cunning plan.

See where he gets is manners from

Gross

Tell ihim and his mum to piss off

Wow.

So your MIL is shockingly rude to you, and your DH supports her via emotional abuse directed at you for pointing it out.

I think you'd be better off without them both, tbh.

"I let it slide but mentioned it on the way home to DH, he’s now refused to come to my parents who have cooked him a seperate joint of meat, and got him gifts (not a contest or anything, but a note that my family would like him to feel involved etc) because my family are just as disfinctional as his and he shouldn’t be persecuted for it."

Sorry Bamchic, yoir husband is an idiot (I could use another word). He is not being persecuted FFS, he should be listening to your legitimate concerns.

I'm so sorry for your loss ave for the things you have experienced today.

Are you married, and are you and your hisband/ partner happy? How long have you been together and roughly how old are you? Sorry to ask so many questions!

I honestly don’t have a bloody clue what’s going on.
italiangreyhound been together nearly 5 years, generally happy, little /no form for being this much of a bellend.
He’s mid thirties and I’m almost 30. So we are in fact fully grown adults who should know better than playground games and silent treatments
I’ve got no idea

So no one calls your MIl out in her shit because she acts like the wounded party I assume?

Seems the the apple didn't fall far with DH.

Enjoy your mums

So you behaved like an adult by not biting MIL's bait and your DH is behaving like a twat and teaching you a lesson by refusing to go to your parents. Honestly if my Dh did that, it would be the last Christmas together. Next year tell him to go to his mother's and you go to your parents. Life is too short to spend it with idiots.

Your nails have inspired me to do my own tonight.
Sorry your DH and MIL are cunts.

I'm so sorry OP. your Husband's behaviour was actually reflective of really nasty behaviour.

It doesn't matter if you haven't seen it before - it's here now.

But this is in no way your fault .

I would see this as a vibrant red flag.

Enjoy spending time with your Mum

God sorry op. Sounds like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Your mil was shit. But your dps behaviour is shocking. He’s thrown a strop? What is he 12? Well he’s shown his true colours. The fact that a 12 year old stuck up for you but no other fucker did says it all.

What are you going to do?

If your FIL is called Fred then start calling her Fredswife.......etc.

Mine spells mine wrong. Even though she's seen it written down loads and on Facebook!!

Omg. I would seriously kick him to the curb! You've done nothing wrong his mum has been a twat and now he's pulling this stunt???

Wtaf?!

I think it’s time to put your foot down op. Your dh has behaved appallingly and then compounded the awful treatment by his Mother and himself by refusing to go to your parents.

Is it possible that he is embarrassed but is taking this out on you rather than behaving like an adult? Even if this is the case, it does NOT excuse his abusive behaviour!

You deserve better OP! You have waisted too many years of your life on a man who refuses to ensure the most basic respect for you from his family. Your MIL is making only herself look awful, not you! Even your twelve year old DN has recognised your sadness and has spent time trying to make you feel better! So her own GD will grow up thinking she is a nasty piece of work!

I would tell your dh to pack himself a bag and move back in with his Mother whilst you are at your dp. Christmas can be a time of new beginnings, you don’t deserve to be abused by your MIL or your DH, so give yourself the gift of freedom! Freedom from abuse!

oh you so need to wear a name badge when you go round next time, and if she looks funny at it or calls you the wrong name, you can then point at it

or call her "Simons Mum" ??

She’s a bitch. Sounds like he’s massively embarrassed and is dealing with it badly.

Either don’t go again or every time she does it sigh and say ‘pretending you’ve forgotten my name again are we?’

What a cow!

Bamchic I think you and your partner should look at this issue after Christmas and talk about what your relationship means to both of you,.

If he has grown up with this kind of stuff from his mum, he may be affected by it too.

You have a longish relationship and significant history. Personally I would not leave him right now but I would tell him this is significant. He needs to side with you. When you got together as a couple, whether you are married or not, and whether you had a child yet, you are a new unit, a family, his loyalty is firstly to you (in my book).

Your nails are lovely.

And agree with others, don't go down the route of forgetting her name or any of that shit, just cut her out of your life as much as is practical for you, and if you do need to meet up with her and she pulls this shit again just say in a loud voice, "MIL, you know perfectly well my name is Bamchic and your pretending not to know my name is very unpleasant." Then move away from her as quickly as you can. (I've not had this shit so I don't know if this is good advice!)

Some might say cut her out of your and your dh's life but that is up to him and total non contact might present other problems. Phone, post or email only contact might mean you get vital family news etc, but don't have to face this level of shit!

Agree with pp, laugh & call her Dave. Ask if she's seen GP re her memory issues. Your DP is obv scared of standing up to her, so throwing a strop to avoid the necessary man up. I'd limit contact drastically from now on. And tell her why of she moans. Silence is acceptance.