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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel LIVID!!!! 😔

174 replies

Bamchic · 25/12/2018 09:22

Because after 4 .5 years MIL doesn’t even know my name.
Apparently it’s because I’ve not had DHs child. So I’m not really in it for the long haul
I had to have a TFMR in 2017 past 20W, and this would’ve been DS first Christmas (Edd 20.1.18)

I can’t fathom why she can’t learn my name 2 syllable very plain think Emma, Susie, Jessie etc.

We are here until 2 and I feel so sad. Can’t wait until 330 when I can see my own mum and dad. I feel so sad and worthless 😢

OP posts:
Grannyannex · 25/12/2018 10:02

Throw your energy into DN. she sounds amazing

youcanthaveitchyteeth · 25/12/2018 10:02

Wow what a spiteful bitter old cunt she sounds!!

TeddybearBaby · 25/12/2018 10:04

Op, I hate confrontation and I think I know how you’re feeling. That’s why I think a few replies - like you’re joking is the way to go. You’ll feel better for sticking up for yourself, everyone else will probably laugh at your ‘joke’ and there’s no arguments so ‘do you fancy a tea simons wife’ ‘just had one but thanks Mrs Smith / johns wife’ and a big smile / 😉. What a nice girl!

gladheart · 25/12/2018 10:05

Call her DH's mum from now on.

eddielizzard · 25/12/2018 10:08

Wow she sounds horrible. Yes, I'd be leaving early.

Travisandthemonkey · 25/12/2018 10:08

I would actually walk out the next time she did it

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 25/12/2018 10:08

Throw your energy into DN. she sounds amazing
She does, but how disgusting that this woman’s behaviour has been noticed by a child who now feels like she has to do something about it.
Anyway, have a lovely time with your niece, and literally do not respond at all whenever your MIL addresses you by something other than your name. Don’t answer don’t even look in her direction, if she says anything you can say Sorry I don’t know who (insert name is).

Weihnacht · 25/12/2018 10:09

Call her DH's mum or Fil's wife or something that's similar to her real name.

snarferson · 25/12/2018 10:10

"Simon's Mother" sounds a nasty piece of work Angry

I'm sorry OP. YANBU. Flowers

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 25/12/2018 10:10

My MIL called me dh ex's name "by accident" for a fair while until dh "accidently" kept calling her bf her ex's name Xmas Grin

Letsmoveondude · 25/12/2018 10:17

Ugh your MIL sounds disgusting. I'd start calling her all sorts of different names, Judy, Mildred, Anna, Jane, Sally. I'd call her a different name every time I spoke with her. She would soon pull you up on it. I would say, oh, I thought it was something we did! I thought that was you having a laugh with me, calling me x x x x x x x oh, wow. So why were you calling me x x x x x x with a dumb founded look.

Or throat punch her for the GC comment. I'm sorry.

cees · 25/12/2018 10:18

She is horrible and doing it purpose, give it back to her. Next time she calls you Simon's wife, reply with yes Simon's mother what can I help you with. Or tell your husband to sort it out, I can't believe he is letting you be treated like that. Is he usually this weak

Merrymumoftwo · 25/12/2018 10:18

I agree it is incredibly rude of her.
If you are both non confrontational then go with option suggested of not responding to anything other than your name.
If you want to be a little more proactive in showing her behaviour is extremely rude, call her fil’s wife when she refers to you as dh’s Wife or by a different name when she uses dh’s ex’s name.
You’ve had a tough year so if not something you want to do now it’s understandable so focus on the amazing little girl who is showing her the right way to treat a family member xx

AlessandroVasectomi · 25/12/2018 10:23

My mum never took to my wife, but when she realised that we were to marry she had to accept her or lose me. Thereafter, whenever she referred to her by name (for example if she were to ask me “Does Betsy- not her real name - want a cup of tea?”) she would say Betsy as if it was something that tasted awful. I’m sure she didn’t realise how pointed it was but it was so bloody rude.

whatnametouse · 25/12/2018 10:24

If you don’t want to confont you could go passive aggressive

With her listening “Simon sweetie I think we need to take your mother to the doctors - she repeatedly forgets my name is x and calls me Y. We need to get her tested to make sure she doesn’t have a problem”

Purplecatshopaholic · 25/12/2018 10:26

I think your OH needs to grow a pair and tell his mother where to go.... I personally would not be visiting someone who is as rude as that!

Gizlotsmum · 25/12/2018 10:29

I just wouldn’t respond until she used your real name ...

AGHHHH · 25/12/2018 10:30

What a rude cunt!

I'd just call her sir and say I got confused by her moustache.

ButtMuncher · 25/12/2018 10:38

What a horrible woman. I'm sorry OP Thanks

KateGrey · 25/12/2018 10:42

My dh’s Mum used to ignore me. She’d offer my husband food and drink and offer me nothing. She’d barely talk to me and it caused huge rows when my husband didn’t do anything. I remember her turning up when our second child was born and she’d bought something for our first child and my husband’s favourite chocolates. Nothing for me or the baby. If we saw her she’d ask my husband about the kids and I’d be ignored. Needless to say we’re very low contact. My husband can’t see her for the manipulative cow that she is. She’s more civil now but for me there’s too much water under the bridge and I feel very uncomfortable around her and her boyfriend.

MrsMWA · 25/12/2018 10:42

Sorry for your loss OP. My baby was due 25.12.10 and I never forget. My MIL used to call me DH’s ex wife’s name, it’s one of the (many) reasons we aren’t there for Christmas and never will be again. Stay strong and enjoy your afternoon. Much love.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 25/12/2018 10:43

Please speak to your dh about this and get a united front. I note you’re already lc so he must have some idea of her behaviour or is that lc for something else?

The fact that your dn has noticed and feels the need to make up for the adults in the room makes me angry and sad. But please give her a squeeze from me. She sounds awesome.

But also If a child has picked up on it you can bet all the adults have too. And if none of them have your back or have had a quiet word with mil it would be noted... (and added to my nc list!)

whynotgetalong · 25/12/2018 10:44

I sympathise OP. Ever since DH and I got married (15 years ago) my MIL introduces me as 'his first wife'. Angry

DH and I have never been married before, no previous children or serious partners before marriage, etc. She can't stand me not good enough for her baby boy and keeps hoping DH will leave me for someone more deserving of his greatness. Hmm

Firmly tell her to stop in front of everyone and if she doesn't, go NC. It's the only way I've been able to cope with it all these years.

arranbubonicplague · 25/12/2018 10:47

Your DH is not handling this well. It's so sad that a DN has noticed that an adult is behaving badly.

What would happen if you created name badges for everyone to help her out as she's obviously having a problem?

Lifeofsmiley · 25/12/2018 10:51

Why on Earth are you just sitting there putting up with it. Fgs say something to her.
There’s no way I would allow this to happen to me or my dh