AIBU to feel LIVID!!!! 😔

[Bamchic]

Because after 4 .5 years MIL doesn’t even know my name.
Apparently it’s because I’ve not had DHs child. So I’m not really in it for the long haul
I had to have a TFMR in 2017 past 20W, and this would’ve been DS first Christmas (Edd 20.1.18)

I can’t fathom why she can’t learn my name 2 syllable very plain think Emma, Susie, Jessie etc.

We are here until 2 and I feel so sad. Can’t wait until 330 when I can see my own mum and dad. I feel so sad and worthless 😢

This is awful, I'm so so sorry.

Your DH should have spoken to her or taken you out of this toxic situation.

Speak to HIM not her - do not engage with crazy...

Hope you're away by now though!

Call her what's your name to her face. Bitch

What a cow.

I'd remind her once, and if she did it again. it'd be "Are you sure you're ok, MIL? You seem to be having memory problems." Then:

"Goodness, your short-term memory is very poor. Have you thought about going to the doctor?"

"I really think you should see the doctor about your memory. That's the 3rd time this afternoon you've forgotten my name."

"You know, you really should speak to your doctor about your memory. There are medications that can really help with dementia these days."

Etc, etc.

All done in a tone of concern and sweetness, so it sounds like you;re being kind, and she will then have to decide whether to risk being seen as bonkers or use your name.

But then I'm an absolute cow!

Calmly look her in the eye and suggest she sees her GP for help with her memory loss.

Sorry but I’d have left already - what an absolute bitch (and I doubt it’s anything but deliberately done to undermine any insecurities you may have!!)

Correct her every single time, pointedly ‘my name is Bamchic, you know it is’ seriously. And have a word with your DH, there’s no excuse for him being such a wet blanket about it. If my mother was calling my husband by my ex’s or a random name repeatedly I would hit the roof

What a complete cow

A 12 year old is recognising you're being bullied and are sad by it. Something tells me this woman is like this a lot (probably to everyone) and everyone knows it.

I'd be tempted to tell her you've postponed having children until she improves her memory for names. If she can't remember yours then you know she won't learn another easily.

Then if you have a rainbow baby and never darken her doorstep again

You are certainly NBU at all OP .

What a horrible woman your MIL sounds .

I will be urging the time on for when you can leave and go to what sounds like your loving parents and away from the harridan .

OP, she’s treating you like this because she can. Neither you nor your DH have stood up to this cow and so she continues to be a bitch.

I wouldn’t go for the passsive aggressive or jokey comments. Instead, I’d ignore her until she addresses you by your real name. If she then gets your DH to ask you her question explain you aren’t X person and won’t answer unless she has the courtesy, manners and grace to treat you appropriately.
Your DH has been an utter disgrace as well. He should have picked her up on this and told her to behave.

I think hell would freeze over before I visited this bitch again and I would be looking at my marriage as well. DH needs to have your back on this one and if not then I’d be asking where his priorities are.

I'm sorry she is being so nasty. You have been though such a terrible time. Sending you lots of love, you seem like a genuinely kind and sweet person. x

There’s a special circle of hell reserved for those who bully grieving mothers.

Oh my gosh @Bamchic please say something to her!

Don't let her get away with treating you so poorly. Forget making sniping little comments, call her out on it and don't be afraid to have a row about it. Fuck her.

I would absolutely have to say something. I would give your dh one chance to sort it out but let him know if it continues you will say something and it might well cause a fuss.

That's appalling.

I appreciate that your DH doesn't like confrontation, but if he is standing by and not saying a word about any of this, then it also reflects very badly on him. There is no way on earth I would be able to witness one of my relatives treating my DH like that, and not say something.

Yeah, I wouldn't put up with that.

"My name is not xyz. It's Bamchic. You know my name, please use it"
Then
"please use my name"
Then
"You are deliberately getting my name wrong. We will not stay with you if you carry on"

Your DH needs to sort this one out. She is disrespecting him too. He needs to ask if she thinks so little of him that she can't even be bothered to learn the name of the person he's chosen to spend the rest of his life with. She needs to be civil or contact stops.

Introduce yourself and shake her hand every single time.
I bet it will sink in sooner rather than later.

Or it could be an early sign of dementia. Maybe discuss it with her. Recommend she sees a doctor.

Start calling her a completely different name and ignore her until she gets yours right

I’m with @nickeltownofbethlehem - her advice is perfect. (though, just LEAVE also works)

Joking about doctors, calling her Dave... all very funny posts.

But actually I think you should stick to the very factual - “you know my name - use it”. Every single time.

I’m sorry for your loss

Pick her up on it every time. Your husband is a spineless disgrace

You can also say: "Oh, you mean bamchic, dear MIL. Nevermind, the old age gets anyone." with a tinkling lough.
Or start a discussion on the latest research on dementia and how the medication helps the elderly cope with memory loss.

You don’t have to stay. Would you rather and could you go to your parents? It would be her fault not yours. Nasty person!

eh, "everybody", not anyone

How do these people do this?

I wouldn't be bothering to go round again, tbh.

I would be leaving and making it obvious why.