Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Aibu to want xmas our way

178 replies

supermommyof4 · 24/12/2018 12:58

My children are between 13-20 years old, 2 of them are working quite late tonight.
We usually have a very relaxed xmas day and get up when we are all ready, as we see no reason to rush the day.
Now without any discussions Dp has informed me Ex is dropping dss off at 10 am xmas morning, i am annoyed as my xmas day now has to run to her timetable.
Dss is 11 and more than capable of either waiting till later on in the day or boxing day.
Mine have waited before as their dad isnt always here over xmas.
Am i wrong to feel annoyed that i wasnt included or even asked about arrangements. My kids will not be awake at 10am i guarantee it. Dd1 is working till 7 tonight and ds1 is working till 10/11.
They have both worked all week and are both entitled to a lie in.

OP posts:
Hohocabbage · 27/12/2018 19:20

YABU

myrtleWilson · 27/12/2018 19:31

agree with oldbutstill - given the damage the Ex-W has wreaked upon her other children is your DP doing anything about protecting DSS?

Original poster
supermommyof4 · 27/12/2018 21:00

Schoolpanictime i am not going to let my 20 year old sleep on the streets, dss had a roof over his head and was safe, ds1 wasnt not and had nowhere to go.
I believe at 10 he needs to know that if he changes his mind he can not expect everyone to change their plans for him at a split seconds notice.
Unfortunately there is nothing we can do but try and steer dss down the right path, you can not get legal aid to fight it and he gets everything his own way at home. We have a small income and not really enough spare cash to fight her. Plus there is an issue of her cheating and dss might not be biologically dps.
He isnt a bad kid, he just has little in the way of boundaries at home and usually always gets what he wants. He and dd2 get on quite well tbh, they have their spats like any siblings do. And her other children are not dps, they are dsc, the eldest of which now sees dp as a dad and we try to point him in the right directions and encourage them to do the right things, but unfortunately they have not had a great role model in their mother.

OP posts:
franklymydearidontgivea · 27/12/2018 21:17

Doesn't sound like you are a particularly good role model either. Lot of spiteful behaviour that you would not expect from anyone who "cared" and " loved" all her children and stepchildren. May I suggest you read the thread from the start and reassess how your behaviour may impact your stepchild and their Mother and then stop being a victim and playing school ground games that are potentially damaging

Sonneedshelp · 27/12/2018 21:19

@supermommyof4

OP Am I being unreasonable?

Entire MN Yes

OP No I'm not!

Oh DFOD!!

Purpleartichoke · 27/12/2018 21:30

Your s

Purpleartichoke · 27/12/2018 21:32

Your minor step child should always have a place to sleep at your home. On your custody nights, your adult child could have taken the previously mentioned sofa bed since he was in a pinch.

Schuyler · 27/12/2018 21:52

”My grown up children are always welcome here.”

Is that all the time or just whenever suits you? Are they welcome to pop over at 10 am on Christmas Day?

Original poster
supermommyof4 · 28/12/2018 00:28

Purple my son did have the sofa bed..thats usually where dss sleeps..as we have no spare rooms or beds he could have slept in.

OP posts:
Original poster
supermommyof4 · 28/12/2018 00:35

Ds1 who has left home has keys, as he is close by and occassionally lets his little sister in or waits for deliveries if he is available. He also asks what time is good for us, its polite to ask surely?

I have 3 at home now ds2 16, dd1 17 and dd2 13. They all have there own rooms as they need there own space now especially 16 and 17 year old.

OP posts:
myrtleWilson · 28/12/2018 00:41

Well then - put a camp bed in Ds2 room for DS1 temporarily and then think about how to make it work in the future.

Lalliella · 28/12/2018 00:54

YABU. DSS is your DP’s son and therefore part of the family. Trying acting like he is. Poor child. He should have his own place to sleep when he comes over.

Dotty1970 · 28/12/2018 00:55

This is a clear cut case of 'evil stepmother'. Your not going to listen and your going to continue talking selfish bull shit

Original poster
supermommyof4 · 28/12/2018 01:03

Myrtle wilson, not enough room in there..its a box room. My ds1 was only here 4 weeks he has now got new digs so dss now has the sofa bed back. Plus he is 16..he shouldnt have to share with an 11 year old, the weekends are his chill time, he is at college all week.
Plenty of times we have had to change plans for dss and dp ex has asked us to change plans. Or dss has rung the day before due to come, decided he doesnt want to come baring in mind i have planned food to suit him..as he is incredibly fussy.
Problem is a lot of the time we give and its all take with dss mother, she always forgets i have children too.
I was told by Ss not to push my children out of their rooms for another child and other arrangements to be made which is why we bought a sofa bed.

OP posts:
MsPavlichenko · 28/12/2018 01:07

Your comment re the potenial parentage of your SDS is vile.

Original poster
supermommyof4 · 28/12/2018 01:09

He has his own place to sleep. We cant magic rooms out of thin air. And we can not afford a bigger house. Be hard pressed to find a 5 bed in our price range tbh.
If we could we would but its not feasible.
He is treated as part of the family, he is invited to all family gatherings and days out. Trips to cinema etc in the holidays.
Ive even taken dss, dd2 and dss half sister for a movie and food. His half sister isnt treated great at home, infact mom has threatened to throw her out once she is 16.
I feel for her so we feel the need to give her some down time away from them.

OP posts:
Original poster
supermommyof4 · 28/12/2018 01:12

MsPavlichenko i was stating a fact. Something she has admitted she does not know who the father is and she has confused dss with it too.
I think.he deserves to know either way or she shouldnt have told him..what a way to.mess a child up.
What was vile about it, its a fact!!

OP posts:
Notacluethisxmas · 28/12/2018 06:32

Would love to hear your dps ex version of all this.

LL83 · 28/12/2018 08:26

Despite all you have said....10am still isn't that early, particularly on Christmas day. Your precious children will get enough sleep. YABU.

UserName31456789 · 28/12/2018 08:38

Purple my son did have the sofa bed..thats usually where dss sleeps..as we have no spare rooms or beds he could have slept in.

Then it's your problem to sort someone else for him to sleep while DSS is there - buy a blow up bed put him on the floor with a sleeping bag, pay for a B&B. I can't believe you think it's acceptable that DSS doesn't have a place to sleep at his own dad's house because your adult son has moved in and taken his bed. It's totally not OK.

madeyemoodysmum · 28/12/2018 08:43

You sound like you resent the child.
Very unchrissmassy

Magentaorwagenta · 28/12/2018 08:49

Surely this can't be true innermost workings of someone's mind?? This has to be a wind up surely

Itisnearlybedtimeyet · 28/12/2018 09:29

OP the Mumsnet jury seem to get particularly venomous about a few things - lie ins are one thing which seems to trigger everyone. If you read some of the comments on Mumsnet you'd think 7am is a lie in and anything later is positively unacceptable. I see why you're pissed off that the ex is allowed to just simply state when and for how long your stepson will arrive without bothering you ask you. I'm sure the other posters do too but they seem to be hunting OPs for sport recently 😂 I'd be upset as your children probably want to see stepson too but if they do they'll have to get up earlier then they'd like on a day they want to have a lie in. I understand that your problem is with the ex and not the child, I think you've make it very clear. Don't try to defend yourself anymore though as nobody will accept it, they'll just get more nasty because you're "drip feeding". Log off and enjoy your day and maybe don't check the comments anymore as they're pretty unkind and you don't really deserve the attack Smile

whassupmissus · 28/12/2018 09:53

OMG I literally jaw dropped. You have a responsibility to have his son overnight - why do your children's needs trump his? If your son has to share a room the odd night then so be it your DSS is part of the family. You sound utterly horrible

tinytemper66 · 28/12/2018 10:06

Can I ask that if paternity is doubted why your husband hasn't addressed this?