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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Aibu to want xmas our way

178 replies

supermommyof4 · 24/12/2018 12:58

My children are between 13-20 years old, 2 of them are working quite late tonight.
We usually have a very relaxed xmas day and get up when we are all ready, as we see no reason to rush the day.
Now without any discussions Dp has informed me Ex is dropping dss off at 10 am xmas morning, i am annoyed as my xmas day now has to run to her timetable.
Dss is 11 and more than capable of either waiting till later on in the day or boxing day.
Mine have waited before as their dad isnt always here over xmas.
Am i wrong to feel annoyed that i wasnt included or even asked about arrangements. My kids will not be awake at 10am i guarantee it. Dd1 is working till 7 tonight and ds1 is working till 10/11.
They have both worked all week and are both entitled to a lie in.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 24/12/2018 14:48

For those suggesting it's a reverse, do you think it's written from the son's POV?

ittakes2 · 24/12/2018 14:53

It was all in your title 'AIBU to want Christmas OUR way'. I feel sorry for your step child - you are thinking in terms of us and them. If this 11 year was your biological child would you be more enthusiastic about making Christmas nice for them? Its the smaller children that still get a buzz out of Christmas. If I was you I would be making my children get up at 10am to spend time with this child - its not like at 11 they have many years left where they find Christmas exciting. Can you imagine how they are feeling? Being taken to your house where they are likely to know you and your children quite clearly do not want them there. Its their Christmas too - inject some kindness into your heart and help them feel welcome.

Knittedfairies · 24/12/2018 14:53

If a reverse, maybe written by the ex after she’s had an earful for daring to suggest dropping off her son at 10 a.m.?

Storminateacup1 · 24/12/2018 14:55

Working until 7 isn’t late? And arriving at 10am isn’t early? Confused

Let them have a lie in, you stay in bed too if you want to, and let your DP spend time with his son alone. Maybe suggest they go for a walk?

I can imagine running to a time is annoying, is he staying over that night or going home? If staying over then there isn’t a rush to do anything when he arrives.

Bringbackthestrioes · 24/12/2018 14:58

Dss is 11 and more than capable of either waiting till later on in the day or boxing day.

Just because you want a lie in past 10am? Poor kid

Schuyler · 24/12/2018 14:59

YABU and not inclusive of your partner’s son.

FenellasRedVelvetDress · 24/12/2018 14:59

If you and your children want a lie in then have one.
Let your partner - you know the man who was father to this child before he had anything to do with you - get up to be with his son.
They can have a nice time together while you and yours all stay in bed. Because staying in bed is obviously a lot more important than making an 11 year old child feel welcome and loved at Christmas.

So yes, you are being VERY unreasonable to want Christmas Your way ( ‘Our’ means you and your kids I presume. )

PumpkinPie2016 · 24/12/2018 15:05

YABU - poor DSS Xmas Sad

He is entitled to see his father on Christmas day and spend time with him. He can come at 10am - open a couple of presents (perhaps leave some until the others get up) and have some one to one time with his dad. Your teens can get up when they are ready. 10am isn't that early and it's not like an 11 year old is likely to be causing a riot is it!?

Poor child - I hope he doesn't know how you feel Xmas Sad

WhoTookTheChristmasCookie · 24/12/2018 15:08

Utterly gobsmacked.

Whether your DSS can wait till the next day or not is irrelevant - he's spending Christmas Day with his dad.
You and yours need for a 'lie-in' doesn't trump that. He's still a child FFS.

I'm not understand why working until 7pm (or 11pm that matter) means needing a lie in; but your DH can get up so that you can get the sleep you so badly crave.

It sounds like you're using your adult DC as a bit of a scapegoat here; you had your plans for the day and DSS has inconvenienced you - tough shit.

I hope you don't show any contempt for him.

FrancisCrawford · 24/12/2018 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 24/12/2018 15:10

Fucking hell the irony of the username. Supermommy indeed... Hmm.

Poor kid, I hope at least his dad can act happy to see him on Christmas morning.

Cherries101 · 24/12/2018 15:11

You and your teens sound a bit lazy. 10am is definitely a good enough lie in. I suggest you put your big girl panties on, wake up early, and treat your DP’s son with the same fucking consideration you treat your own.

Armchairanarchist · 24/12/2018 15:12

This must be a reverse! No one is that mean to a child visiting their dad on Christmas morning.

Cadburyssurpriseegg · 24/12/2018 15:14

Shock YUBVU

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 24/12/2018 15:17

Wow! I am so glad my DP is nicer to my daughter than u are your DSS!
DP has invited DDs dad over for xmas morning, even though DP and Ex do not get on in the slightest!
Isn't it supposed to be what is better for the kids? Since when does a lie in trump a child seeing his dad on xmas day?

Just Wow!

MNHQ
MichaelMumsnet · 24/12/2018 15:20

We've had a poke around behind the scenes and it does look like this is a genuine AIBU. So when handing out huge helpings of YABU, please do remember that there's a parent on the receiving end.

PS. Merry Xmas [santa]

EdWinchester · 24/12/2018 15:29

Poor DSS.

It’s 10am, not exactly early.

Isn’t Christmas about welcoming people into your home and being kind?

WaxOnFeckOff · 24/12/2018 15:35

Poor kid, sent away from his Mum's before 10am and unwanted at his Dad's.

Maybe have a bit of compassion for the youngest child in the family.

What is it you want to wait for? Is it that you want to all open presents together so you feel that DSS will need to do his when he arrives at 10am? Is that what you mean about your other DC waiting in the past?

I don't think it's unreasonable for your DH (and you) to get up and welcome him and chat about what gifts he received at his Mum's, have a bit of brunch and then wait for the rest of the family to get up (maybe limit it to 12 noon) and then do presents together. Lots of families (not mine!) wait until after lunch to do gifts especially if Santa isn't involved.

I have teenagers now but I've still given them a limit for getting up of around 11am as we want to do gifts, snacky breakfast, showered and dressed and a walk to the pub for a festive drink and then home to get the dinner on for 3ish.

Fluffyears · 24/12/2018 15:39

Yabu he’s coming to see his father. His dad can get up earlier and sort his son out.

I'm sorry - am i the only one that views 10am as already a massive lie in? i mean, altered sleeping habits aside (i.e. night feeds or shifts) what adults actually get up later than this? on a day off work I regularly sleep later than this. You sound like one of those annoying ‘your wasting the day’ types that I really cannot stand.

Fluffyears · 24/12/2018 15:39

*you’re wasting the day.

AcrossthePond55 · 24/12/2018 15:41

Have you gotten the message yet, OP? Or do we need to send the Spirit of Christmas Future to your house tonight?

"God bless us, everyone!" (and that includes step-kids, too)

Original poster
supermommyof4 · 24/12/2018 15:47

Everything is dictated by her thats the issue. I love dss like one of my own i would do anything to guide him and help him. Its more the fact i wasnt consulted. Because she originally said she had visitors so he couldnt come round xmas day. Which would be fine he could have come and stayed boxing day and enjoyed the day instead of rushing it because he has to.be home again for 11.30am.
Waiting till boxing really isnt a big issue. Infact i used to love having a second xmas at my nans and opening presents then too.
He is 11 not 5 and waiting a day isnt that much of an issue, infact at times mine have waited to see their dad cause he has been away.
Iv

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 24/12/2018 15:49

You hadn't said that he has to be home again for 11.30am. That makes your unhappiness easier to understand.

Santaclarita · 24/12/2018 15:50

To be honest I doubt either of your kids will wake up when the step son enters the house, unlike he runs in screaming and bouncing off the walls (unlikely at 11 but never know). At that age of your kids they sleep through anything.

StoorieHoose · 24/12/2018 15:50

I'm guessing youre supermommy to your 4 kids that doesn't include DSS

You are being a cow to an 11 year old boy