Aibu to want xmas our way

[supermommyof4]

My children are between 13-20 years old, 2 of them are working quite late tonight.
We usually have a very relaxed xmas day and get up when we are all ready, as we see no reason to rush the day.
Now without any discussions Dp has informed me Ex is dropping dss off at 10 am xmas morning, i am annoyed as my xmas day now has to run to her timetable.
Dss is 11 and more than capable of either waiting till later on in the day or boxing day.
Mine have waited before as their dad isnt always here over xmas.
Am i wrong to feel annoyed that i wasnt included or even asked about arrangements. My kids will not be awake at 10am i guarantee it. Dd1 is working till 7 tonight and ds1 is working till 10/11.
They have both worked all week and are both entitled to a lie in.

Why not have DP go to hers if you have such an issue with DSS?

I’m actualky aghast! You sound vile. That poor kid. He’s 11!! Make it special for the poor child!!

We all need more sleep. I have clinical depression and two children with Autism. I would love more sleep but I’m up because my children are excited and it’s important to them.

I feel so sad for the little boy.

My children are all now adult. However, I am a foster carer and so do have little ones around every year. The one day of the year that is totally focused on the little ones (no matter if they have been with us 5 years or 5 days) is Christmas Day. Being without your parent(s) is so hard at Christmas. Don't those of us that are adult still struggle. So I would always do my very, very best to make the day as magical as possible. Thankfully my adult children, whether having crawled in at 4am from clubbing, or at 7am after a night shift at work, have always seen that too. Surely a lay in can be had any other day. How lovely it would be for his step family to be up and ready and welcoming for him at 10am? I bet that would mean so very much to him. Good luck and Happy Christmas whatever you decide!

I'm sure most of us on here will be up at Sparrows to cook a bloody great dinner. And no 10 am is not early!

Is the kid going to care if you're up or not? Surely they've come to see their dad. Stay in bed if you want.

And get a number-recognition phone so you can ignore her pre-9am phone calls.

Yet another "blended" family that's shit for the children.

YABU.

Its not Dss i have a problem with its his mother constantly expecting me to change my life to suit her
It's YOU that's choosing to wake up early - you don't have to.
I'm sure an 11 year old and their father are more than capable of amusing themselves for a couple of hours until the rest of the household get up...............

Again....your problem is with the ex, not DSD. Not his problem.

So last year you would have had a 19yo who slept in past 11 whilst you'd been up for an hour with your illnesses getting the day ready? And tonight you'll be up til midnight getting things ready?

Sounds like "supermommy" is busy raising lazy so and sos, treating them with kid gloves, whilst happily showing no consideration for her stepson.

What a waste of Christmas to spend it with your faces plastered into a pillow. I’d be bored senseless at your place but I am a lark.
But to each their own. If you’re fed up with the ex fair enough but it’s not the lad’s fault.

I'm torn between this thread and the one where the OP wants to kick her MIL out for a rubbish joke, as the most selfish and least festive people 2018 award.

Finishing at 7pm so you need a lie in. Get a grip. He's 11!

I have a condition which makes sleep very difficult, I often don't nod off until 5/6 am so can't be asleep many days til lunchtime. It's annoying because I miss out family things I'd like to take part in sometimes but the whole family schedule doesn't revolve around me and my schedule, my dh, dd sometimes have to do things without me. It sucks and I feel shit and still coming to terms and adapting to living with my disorder but it is what it is.

I absolutely would not expect dh to tell his son he can't come xmas day for an hour to get his presents because I want a lie in. No way. I'd see dss at some other point or he might pop into bedroom to say hello, they'd not expect me to get up if I'd been awake in pain all night and I'd not expect dh to delay a visit.

10am isn't early for xmas day, 7pm isn't working late. I never saw my Dad xmas day because his wife didn't want the extra hassle and "disruption". She'd not let Dad visit us either because then it would mean her son missing out. My stepbrother not seeing his own father shouldn't mean I can't see mine. Your ex not being around on xmas day doesn't men dh shouldn't see his son either. It doesn't have to impact on your health or sleep in any way. It sounds like you're more pushed off because the ex has asked. My Mam is the one I'd get to get ask Dad and dhs ex would often phone on behalf of stepson too so for all you know it could have been him asking her to check if he can come for his gifts.

I'll be up when dd wakes me in morning no matter how I feel. She's 13 and while she can wait if asked, its xmas day and I'll nap later in day.

YABU - seems you're allowing your feelings toward the ex dictate your happiness at having DSS round. Which isn't really excusable. He'll be excited to spend the day with his Dad and his siblings. Yes it's annoying when exes drop things at the last minute, but it's hardly ground breaking and it's not as if it's 6am in the morning.

Maybe we can see why your dh didn't ask your thoughts on the plans, as perhaps your attitude towards his son is obvious to him too ...

Wanting a relaxed day and lie in, totally fine.

Getting your arse in your hands over DSS coming at 10 - BONKERS.

One day she rung before 9 on a saturday, to bang on about something she didnt need to ring for. She seems to think cause there all up early everyone else should.

What an absolute bitch, she rung at 8 am in a Saturday!! She's deliberately causing trouble and doing that is showing how awful and difficult she is! I mean a phone cclll at 9 is just clearly trying to wreck your DHs entire life! If she is up with THEIR son she should parent him 100% alone and not try to involve his father.

Just in case anyone's in doubt the above is sarcasm!

@supermommyof4 your name does not suit you!

Get over yourself op it's Christmas! What sort of hard arse would have a strop over this? Enjoy your day and be glad your dp and his son get to share part of Christmas Day together, and if you can't be glad then bloody well pretend. It's not worth making such a big deal out of having to be up a little earlier than you'd like. Try and have some fun...

He did not spend the day with his dad..thats the issue. She wanted him back for 12pm..so presents opening was a rushed affair. I dont like being rushed especially on xmas day.
But hey ho its over with now. I have expressed my annoyance that i wasnt involved in the discussion as its my kids christmas too. Not too mention my elderly mother in law was sleeping in the living room that night on a sofa bed, and she doesnt sleep well either, poor lady was falling asleep xmas afternoon, shes in poor health and we had a lot of family over that afternoon with lots of children running around, so its not like she could nap either.
And the reason she didnt let him come over in the afternoon..they had visitors..not even family..it was neighbour, so i dont see why there was such a big deal made. He also missed out seeing his cousins and uncle.
Add that to the fact she didnt want her own grown up children round xmas day, but i am the selfish one, yeah ok.
My kids and family and adopted family are always welcome here and they all know it.
Any family get togethers are always hosted at mine, i am always the go to for arranging food etc and they all come to me for advice because im so awful.
For wanting to do xmas the way i wanted, i had no problem with dss coming over at all i break my neck to make sure he is included in all family outings etc, it was the dictating of he must come at 10 and must be home for 12 that bothered me. Would have worked better if he had come over in the afternoon, so he could have seen aunts, uncles, cousins etc and spent time opening presents etc, instead of having to rush it.
Infact he could have stayed over xmas evening and dp could have taken him home boxing day evening. So he would have had a full day of time with his dad and all his step family.

@supermommyof4 why do you refer to your DPs first wife as "she"? It's extremely disrespectful.

Your drip feed about MIL is also irritating, but even given that I still think YWBU!

I could call her something else so she is being nice tbh.
Some of the tricks she has pulled you wouldnt believe.
Even her own grown up kids do not like her.
Even her own kids play second fiddle to what she wants, he eldest spent xmas afternoon here and stayed the night because he wasnt welcomed at his own moms. Shes a terrible parent, all the children are messed up because of her only our side stopping dss going off the rails for now but i dont know how long that will last for.
She is vile. My grown up children are always welcome here.
I dont understand anyone not wanting their children for dinner etc xmas day.
Oh and last year dss was here for xmas dinner, its always been her way or no way..thats what i am objecting to.
Let me give you an example, last year at around november time dss decided he no longer wanted to stay here over night because he and my youngest had had a spat, my dd1 had asked if her friend could stay new years eve..i said yes.
Dss changed his mind and dp ex wife decided to piss and moan because it was our turn to have him at new year, i cant then say no to my daughter just because thry have suddenly changed their mind.
Also my son had to move back in briefly in oct..which meant dss couldnt stay overnight for a bit and she moaned about that, he is on the same estate as us so its not like he wouldnt see his dad. She expected me to see my child on the street, so her son could stay overnight. Her son had a roof over his head, mine did not at the time. He has now moved out and is settled in a new place, this is what i have to deal with on a regular basis.

OP - you sound worse with every post . Quite an achievement!

TBH you all sound vile, 10 am is not early at all! Your grown up children could surely manage that!

So DSS is not welcome at his mums or dads house on Christmas morning.... shame on you!

Of course it's not your DPs fault the kids are screwed up is it!?!?

Also , if she is such a terrible parent , I assume your DH is fighting for custody?

TO be fair the new year thing was unfortunate but DP was right you should have realised a 10 year old might change their mind when they say they don't want to stay at dads.

Also it's shocking you let your grown up son move in if it meant DSS who was still a child wouldn't be able to stay at his own dad's house. It definitely sounds like you expect your kids to come first and DSS to just pop in when convenient.

YABU

An extra 11 year old on Christmas day isn't going to matter.Just give him a lovely day. Surely you want him to enjoy coming to you.