To ask if you are age 45-55

[Iamtheoneandonly2018]

Did you go to your parents with your problems? Was talking about this to someone and we both can't work out if it's a generational thing. We were left to deal with stuff on our own/ told we were making a mountain out of a molehill etc. Parents still won't discuss stuff now - still ignored or brushed under the carpet.

No never, I discuss nothing personal with them. Our relationship is entirely superficial
Same!

I'm 57. My DDs share much more with me than I do ever did with my DM. I'm glad.

DM was great and always helped. DF less so and was terrible when DM died and when XH left. It was all about him, although he and DM had been divorced for almost a decade when she died. I have been lucky to have various older friends who have 'mothered me' when the need has arisen and I am dreading the inevitable.

I would rather eat my own liver with a blunt tea-spoon than discuss anything meaningful with my mother. She made it clear that she only wanted me to share my thoughts with her so she could pass judgement.

I can resonate so much with this thread

My mother was what we would call now a " surrendered wife".
Taught me how to submit.
Even when my husband was smashing me against a wall and busting my face - her advice was to try to not make him angry.

She doesn't believe in equal pay for women. Mena are cleverer, stronger and should earn more.

No.

When I had my first period I was horrified to learn from a schoolmate that they lasted more than 40 minutes.

The second period was a greater shock. I thought you only had one in life.

The only time my mother engaged with sex education was to call me a tart, when I was a 19 year old virgin. Ankle length skirt was too pink.

I had a serious pelvic infection for years, and had no idea because I thought cramps that made you vomit were normal.

She thinks she's a great mum.

LanaorAna2

I totally relate.I started having sex with my boyfriend when I was 18. We were both virgins, but curious and responsible- not a huge love affair but we were respectful- and excited.

My mother found out and called me a whore and a tart. she cried for days.

I'm on antidepressants. I wouldn't dream of telling my mother. She wouldn't understand even a little bit and is very much of the "and what have you got to be depressed about anyway" school.

speakout are you me? My mother cried when I lost (wtf lost!) my virginity.

I was fine she was bereft.

@selkiesolstice
No. I agree with @hamiltoncork, it'd be used as evidence later!
Gosh yes, plus my mum pits siblings against each other😔

Having read the full thread will comment further...

My mum was the child of an older mother, my granny was almost 40 when she had her in 1944 which was quite unusual for those days. I can't ever remember being told I was loved as a child, although I'm sure both my parents did love us. I tell my kids I love them all the time.

When it came to puberty, periods and facts of life, I was presented with a book from the church bookshop and left to read it. It explained the biology well enough but the overall impression it gave me was that it was a physical impossibility to get pregnant before you were married. I genuinely believed until I was about 14 that there was some sort of witchcraft associated with the wedding ceremony which suddenly made you able to have a baby.

Emotional matters, distress, sex and relationships were not discussed. Not with my mum and definitely not with my dad.

I hadn't heard the term 'surrendered wife'. I do remember my brother getting away with misbehaviour but not me, and being told "it's different for men". I also remember having to do anything and everything to keep my father happy, as apparently it was "a woman's role in life to keep men happy". That included not having boyfriends or a normal social life.

It must be something about that generation of mothers, mine was born in 1943.

As a result, I am LC with my parents, superficial contact only, but it's expected and I cannot hack the guilt if I don't make the effort.

At the mentio of my bi polar...my.mum laughs. Proper giggles. Sometimes I see things and she'll ask" have you seen any quare fellas lately "
The therapy cannot even make a dent in the backlog and I've given up trying.

And yes..a co versatio with my mum is only a fact cleaning exercise. Pieces of information are collected to divide and conquer siblings. Judge others or as currency in conversations with her network.
I hear endless shite about who's dead. Got cancer. Parkinson's.
Who's got a big belly.
And on and on

No because my mum died when I was 12 and my dad wasn’t the sort of man I could talk to about things. I made my own decisions about uni, jobs, cars, buying a house and in fact igeverything n else without parental involvement.

Now I’m a parent I feel sad thinking about the fact I had to do everything by myself. I kind of just got on with living my life and was incredibly independent so it wasn’t a bad thing but a bit of moral support every so often would have been lovely.

I hope when DD is making big decisions I can support and guide her if she needs it but I’m quite determined she has to make her own choices.