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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely Raging at DSis

619 replies

DroningOn · 23/12/2018 10:45

DSis and her DH were at a wedding yesterday, we had their DD1 and DS3 overnight. We've got a panto today at 1:30 for me, DH and our 2 kids.

DSis knows of our plans and has just text to say that both her and DH had too much to drink last night and can't drive until at least mid afternoon. They're 90 mins away so that's today's plans fucked up. Obvs not an AIBU but I am incandescent with rage at the moment.

AAAARGH! Angry

OP posts:
RainbowBriteRules · 23/12/2018 17:05

Quack, it’s easily done, once you have passed the point of no return you carry on. Especially at a wedding where you may have waiters topping up your drinks. I am not saying I do this but have none of you seriously drunk more than you meant to ever? I really don’t believe nobody has.

I must be a terrible mother but I cannot imagine my kids being that bothered if I couldn’t come to the panto with them as long as they still got to go and my DH went too. They might be a bit disappointed but I wouldn’t think any more than that. It’s obviously annoying but I wouldn’t want blood over it.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 23/12/2018 17:06

Your dsis is a CF. Please dont do her any more favours.

WilburforceRaven · 23/12/2018 17:06

Yeah, packing the swimwear and then texting the OP to say 'won't be there until at least mid afternoon'. Planned. They fancied a weekend at the spa.

She'll be packing on the theatrics to get you to take the kids whilst she swans off to Ireland. 'But then we won't be able to go!' 'You can hire a nanny.' 'But I don't want to leave them with strangers! Waaa!' 'That's a pity then. Well, they don't stay young forever. We all have to make sacrifices when we chose to have kids.'

The end.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/12/2018 17:08

RainbowBriteRules

The problem isn't with the drinking as such its the sheer selfishness of not even trying to get back and allow the person/family that is doing you a favour to get on with their plans.

WilburforceRaven · 23/12/2018 17:08

Quack, it’s easily done, once you have passed the point of no return you carry on.

Then you shouldn't drink at all if you have so little self-control. It's not hard, you just stick to lime and soda or Coke.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 23/12/2018 17:09

Kikipost apologies for misunderstanding the last part of your post. nevertheless I still think it would have been an appropriate situation in which to shout.

The Op has had a 3 and a 1 year old in her care since yesterday. If the Sister was a full day guest at a venue 90 minutes away then she's had these children for over 24 hours!

7yo7yo · 23/12/2018 17:10

Just read the full thread.
Have they collected the kids op?
What did DB say? What other CFery has she been up to?

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/12/2018 17:10

WilburforceRaven

If I were the OP I would have already had a phonecall from my parents telling me how nasty I was for daring to have a go at a sibling.

But it seems that at least the OP's parents have some sense.

leftovercoffeecake · 23/12/2018 17:11

Yeah I agree that they were making the most of a spa weekend. If your sister had gotten carried away by accident, I feel like she would have made more of an effort to apologise to you and offered to pay for your ticket straight away. The fact she's avoiding you by going straight home, says to me that she's guilty and doesn't want to be called out. Like some of the other posters said, she should be coming to your door armed with flowers and chocolate!

WilburforceRaven · 23/12/2018 17:13

If I were the OP I would have already had a phonecall from my parents telling me how nasty I was for daring to have a go at a sibling.

Wow! That says more about them than you. Mine would have torn the one who did this to her sister a new head.

BottleOfJameson · 23/12/2018 17:13

If I accidentally drank too much and couldn't collect my kids in this situation I'd be desperately calling round friends or taxi companies to try and get those kids collected. I wouldn't check in to the spa with my swimming costume I'd somehow decided to bring with me.

Kikipost · 23/12/2018 17:13

@RainbowBriteRules

The approach to drinking you describe ie “fu@k it I’ll carry on” a fair number of us most definitely be had.

But NOT since becoming parents and NOT when you had arrangements in place with someone doing you a big favour

RainbowBriteRules · 23/12/2018 17:14

Absolutely there are ways to avoid it, I’m just saying it happens. I would also be extremely annoyed if I was the OP but I hope it wouldn’t be along the lines of never doing them any favours again.

Plus, having the kids for over 24 hours is a long time but at least then they will go home! It is absolutely relentless having a baby and toddler. Mine are older now and it in no way compares, even with Christmas excitement in the mix. Perhaps the freedom went to their head. I would expect them to be super apologetic though and, again, can totally see why the OP is annoyed.

It’s more the suggestions on the thread that I thought were OTT. Each to their own of course.

Clutterbugsmum · 23/12/2018 17:14

It really doesn't matter if OP are having a great time with their dad the point is that OP has had to miss this occasion to have a nice family time with HER family.

OP you need to spell it out to both you sister and BIL that their behaviour today is beyond disgraceful. And you will no longer be available to help in any event for them. And don't hide the fact of what they have done from wider family and friends so no one else gets suckered in.

WineGumption · 23/12/2018 17:15

I would be utterly livid like you OP. Where we are panto tickets have to be bought well in advance and for us it's a real highlight of the Christmas holiday. How dare they just casually announce they aren't picking their kids up when they knew you had plans!??

I mean, we've all done it, had too much to drink etc. but if you know you have to collect your kids the next day at a certain time you just put the brakes on. You have to.

Never babysit again, no matter what apologies you get. Total abuse of your kindness.

Hidillyho · 23/12/2018 17:15

Have they been picked up OP? Did the DH atleast give you money for the ticket plus flowers/chocolates/wine?

Out of interest, couldn’t your brother have helped you out? I know he doesn’t have to, but wondering if you asked him to watch the kids for you

RainbowBriteRules · 23/12/2018 17:15

Oh come on, I know a fair few parents who have forgotten their limits!

HalloumiGus · 23/12/2018 17:16

What happened OP? I am agog at the cheeky fuckery! And the unanimous AIBU!

RainbowBriteRules · 23/12/2018 17:17

I would expect the sister to be turning up grovelling with flowers, wine and the offer of replacement tickets for a show in the new year though. Or at least the cinema! Otherwise my opinion would change.

supersop60 · 23/12/2018 17:18

I don't.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 23/12/2018 17:19

Plus, having the kids for over 24 hours is a long time but at least then they will go home! It is absolutely relentless having a baby and toddler.

Errr no offence but posting to state the fact having 2 small children is hard and relentless is just ridiculous! Everyone knows small children are hard work it doesn't give their parents the excuse to get rat arsed and spend the day at the spa, just because they will eventually go home.

I cant imagine anyone considering it acceptable to leave a 1 and 3year old for 24 hours during which they would see neither parent, it's bloody cruel!! The poor things are probably wondering if they will ever come back.

supersop60 · 23/12/2018 17:19

Oh come on, I know a fair few parents who have forgotten their limits!
I don't.

Original poster
DroningOn · 23/12/2018 17:20

Her DH has been sent packing with an earful. They were apparently drinking until 4am and went to reception to ask for a late checkout at 9pm last night!

Definitely something that was decided upon when they had the capacity to understand the consequences.

Not really that bothered about the panto or the additional 6 hours of tiring childcare. Pissed off that when they were both sober enough to realise the consequences and early enough to stop drinking booze and make it back to collect their kids they though fuck it, we're having fun and Droning will just take the kids for longer tomorrow.

OP posts:
Inkspellme · 23/12/2018 17:21

I would be telling my sis that she needs to pay for tickets for a show for your family. Send her a link to where and when you want to go.

I wouldn’t mention the babysitting in June again until she asks. Then I would say no - I have no trust you will turn up when you say you will.

She’s a fool to treat you so badly for one mornings leisure facilities in a hotel.

I assume you’ve given her children lots of sugar to make them nice and loud when they reach home !

Nancydrawn · 23/12/2018 17:23

It's outrageously selfish behavior. She has decided that her fun should be more important to you than your kids.

I would stand firm on the babysitting in future. Doesn't mean you can't all be friends, but it does mean that you won't be able to accept babysitting as you 'have other plans.'