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AIBU?

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Original poster

To consider going to a strip club cheating?

437 replies

DonaldDucksTowel · 23/12/2018 09:56

DP went out last night and was home much earlier than I was expecting, I asked him why and he said everyone had gone to a strip club so he got his kebab and came home

As the conversation went on he basically expected me to be very grateful that he didn’t go and came home early instead Hmm so I said “I’m supposed to be super grateful that you didn’t cheat on me, pay for the privilege and exploit a load of vulnerable women in the process? Get a fucking grip!” And basically we got into a bit of a ‘stripclubs aren’t cheating, yes they are’ back and forth for a while

I don’t understand how having a naked woman rub herself all over you would ever not be cheating - and even worse in a strip club than if you were just at a party because you’re actually paying for it! If it was a prostitute it’d be cheating so why not a stripper?!

He thinks I’m being dramatic Hmm
Do you consider going to a strip club cheating?

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 23/12/2018 16:49

I think that if you’ve disapproved of him going in the past op, maybe be it would be good to acknowledge that he’s learned something by coming home 🏡 in stead.

Ohyesiam · 23/12/2018 16:49

Don’t know where that little home came from??

lau888 · 23/12/2018 17:06

I wouldn't consider it cheating unless, maybe, you knew the person was trying to hit on the staff. They do their jobs, collect their tips, and go home to their own families. (And maybe tell a few work stories about any particularly creepy customers they served that night.) It's not a job I'd want to do. It's certainly not their fault if any customers are looking for a side-chick. x

QueenofmyPrinces · 23/12/2018 17:11

If I caught any half naked woman rubbing herself all over my husband and shoving her breasts and genitals into his face etc and he was allowing/enjoying it then hell yes it’s cheating. Just because money has changed hands doesn’t mean it’s okay.

However, a man going to a strip club and watching half naked women dance is not cheating. It’s not particularly great but nor is it cheating.

Fowles94 · 23/12/2018 17:14

It's not cheating. It's just dancing and most aren't exploited 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Strongmummy · 23/12/2018 17:24

i don’t think it’s cheating. It’s entertainment. As long as the women dancing are enjoying themselves (and trust me, the ones I’ve spoken to really do) then it isn’t grim or exploitative either.

However, we all have different views on what is ir isn’t cheating

ChoudeBruxelles · 23/12/2018 17:32

I don’t going into a strip club is cheating. Paying for a private dance is borderline

fluffymrray · 23/12/2018 17:38

It's not so much about the is it cheating thing that would bother me. For me, I personally struggle to respect anyone that thinks strip clubs are acceptable.

I think if they're having a dance then yes it is cheating but if he's just gone in with his friends then no. But I do think everyone has their boundaries which should be respected.

My DH knew this before we got married and his best man arranged part of the stag do in a strip club along with a private dance. They physically tried to drag him in, DH was pissed off by this point, went home and it ruined the night.

Took a bit of convincing me to put the best man back on the guest list Grin

AngelsSins · 23/12/2018 17:58

I don’t think many men would be happy for their girlfriend or wife to strip off and rub herself all over some random guy, so a lap dance is cheating to me. Watching strippers, no, but I wouldn’t like it much, I find it a bit grim.

Sparkles07 · 23/12/2018 18:00

No man I am with would go to a strip club. If they did it would be over. It says a lot about the person who goes! I would consider it cheating.

JAPAB · 23/12/2018 18:10

Going to a strip club is no more cheating that watching a moview with nudity in it is IMO.

I am assuming we are not talking about private dances with personal contact here.

Of course you may object to partner watching someone do a strip show due to the assumptions you might make about the performer, but that is a different consideration.

abacucat · 23/12/2018 18:48

So if a man watched a woman you both knew dancing half naked for him in her living room, would you consider that cheating?

PumpkinKitty82 · 23/12/2018 19:10

Yabu and over the top

bunnyup · 23/12/2018 19:19

I have some knowledge of this - the vast majority of men who visit a strip club do have a private dance. If you don't you are constantly hassled to have one anyway. These take place in a private room, there is not supposed to be contact but who would know anyway if both parties agreed. They are also not expensive in many towns, around £25.

coblers · 23/12/2018 19:22

How is it considered cheating to have an "emotional affair" but it's not considered cheating to have a naked woman rubbing herself all over you? Genuinely interested to know the difference.

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 19:26

Jesus so many women falling over themselves to be 'cool' about vile men going to strip clubs. I am guessing that him watching porn is ok as well.
There are better, nicer men in the world you know. Don't set the bar so fucking low.

smilethoyourheartisbreaking · 23/12/2018 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PengAly · 23/12/2018 19:33

@starcrossedseahorse i dont think its anything to do with women wanting to be "cool'. I trust my DH, i wouldnt have married him if i didnt trust him, seems like some other women on here dont share that value...

FWIW i have zero problem with my husband watching porn, i find it juvenile when women get up in arms about it.

Yellowcar2 · 23/12/2018 19:34

There is a difference between going to a strip club and having a private dance I wouldn't be happy with the latter butility fine with him going.

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 19:36

FWIW i have zero problem with my husband watching porn, i find it juvenile when women get up in arms about it

'Juvenile' to be concerned that your husband wanks off to trafficked women being raped.

OK then.

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 19:38

And yes smile men who think so little of women that they PAY them to strip off are fucking vile. Completely vile.

Gross porn soaked men have really done a number on women haven't they?

Everydayisdragging · 23/12/2018 19:41

I kinda feel like if you need to go out and look at naked women, you don't need me waiting at home 🤷🏻‍♀️

PengAly · 23/12/2018 19:41

wanks off to trafficked women being raped

Oh wow. You sound unhinged. Uhm not all porn is rape fantasies you know?

PengAly · 23/12/2018 19:43

@starcrossedseahorse i enjoy reading erotica and actually watching porn myself sometimes. This makes me vile then, right?

Sandbox · 23/12/2018 19:45

Lots of women and couples go to strip clubs too, maybe if some of you actually went to one and spoke to the girls working there you’d be less crackers about the whole thing