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AIBU?

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Original poster

To consider going to a strip club cheating?

437 replies

DonaldDucksTowel · 23/12/2018 09:56

DP went out last night and was home much earlier than I was expecting, I asked him why and he said everyone had gone to a strip club so he got his kebab and came home

As the conversation went on he basically expected me to be very grateful that he didn’t go and came home early instead Hmm so I said “I’m supposed to be super grateful that you didn’t cheat on me, pay for the privilege and exploit a load of vulnerable women in the process? Get a fucking grip!” And basically we got into a bit of a ‘stripclubs aren’t cheating, yes they are’ back and forth for a while

I don’t understand how having a naked woman rub herself all over you would ever not be cheating - and even worse in a strip club than if you were just at a party because you’re actually paying for it! If it was a prostitute it’d be cheating so why not a stripper?!

He thinks I’m being dramatic Hmm
Do you consider going to a strip club cheating?

OP posts:
Tellem2 · 23/12/2018 14:35

I be happy he had the sense to not go in or follow the boys by doing so. Don't beat him down over it. He did the right thing.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 23/12/2018 14:37

Thentherewascake I disagree that anyone who wouldn’t be happy has low self esteem. Quite the opposite in fact, so many “cool wives” on here fully prepared to be treated like shit by a partner just to seem “right on” when in actual fact, they’re being mugged off.

No idea what you’re on about with the examples in the first part of your comment, wouldn’t be interested in any of it. It’s just as bad.

But if you’re fine with your man paying another woman to take her clothes off, fair enough. It’s a bit sad really though isn’t it?

Knittink · 23/12/2018 14:37

Those who think it's ok to go to a strip club, would you also think it was ok for your partner to get a woman they know to dance naked for them? If not, what's the difference?

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 14:39

Then what a pathetic post that is. Really.

Thentherewascake · 23/12/2018 14:43

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn

so you switch off the tv when there's nudity? Your husband is not allowed to see another naked woman? Is he also banned from the swimming pool and the beach where he could see a --younger and prettier- woman in a bikini?

The question is about cheating, not the moral value or even the entertainment value of a strip club. It's about cheating. Where do you draw the line?

If you are invited to a hen party and someone booked a male stripper, you think it's cheating if you don't live the hen party and come straight home?

It's the hypocrisis and double standard of the posts I find ridiculous.

magoria · 23/12/2018 14:45

He doesn't have the same view as you. He doesn't consider it cheating. He has every right to his own opinion even if it disagrees with yours.

He respected your opinion and came home despite it not matching his.

Why the hell wouldn't you be happy to have a DP who respected your views and acted on them even if they didn't agree?

Gina2012 · 23/12/2018 14:45

He didn’t go because he knows I don’t agree with them and I kicked him out when he’s been to one before

So he was doing something good, in his eyes, something to please you. Something positive. For you. Something you'd told him to do after the last time he visited a strip club

I'd have thought saying 'thanks , darling, for taking my feelings into account' would have been a nice thing to say to him

Are you always such hard work, OP?

33goingon64 · 23/12/2018 14:45

I know what you mean, it isn't cheating per se but it's the first rung on the ladder. I'd be delighted my DH came home and didn't go though. He told me he'd been to a few before we met and he knows my feelings on the matter.

PrincessConsuelaBannanaHammock · 23/12/2018 14:45

I wouldn't consider it cheating either, I'm not saying I would be thrilled if he went but I wouldn't say it's cheating.
Most strip clubs are just women dancing with no touching, unless the man pays for a private dance. I'm not saying all of the women in there are happy to be there/ not exploited but honestly I have 2 friends (more friends in common I suppose) who worked in strip clubs when they were younger and loved it, they used the money to travel lots and lewd glamourous lives whilst they were young enough and beautiful enough to enjoy it! I'm not saying every case is like that, but just saying they aren't all the unhappy exploited women people think

Bluelady · 23/12/2018 14:47

It never even occurred to me that visiting a strip club could be construed as cheating pre MN. It's on a par with porn for me, I'm not keen on either but certainly don't regard them as cheating.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 23/12/2018 14:48

DP isn’t banned from doing anything, neither am I. However as adults, in a committed relationship, we’ve made the choice not to feel the need to pay other people to take their clothes off, mostly because it’s not something that appeals to either of us.

Wouldn’t go to a hen party, let alone one with strippers, it’s all a bit grim and sad tbh.

Like I said, you’re quite happy to be that woman, fair enough. I don’t live your life.

I find it a bit sad that some women are prepared to accept this kind of shit as normal, and to be conditioned to think it is.

Also, I think anyone, male or female, who feels the need to pay someone to strip for them is beyond pathetic.

You’ve clearly not read my posts if you think I’ve said anywhere that it’s acceptable for a woman to do it, I think that’s equally pathetic.

daisychain01 · 23/12/2018 14:49

It sounds like your DH hit a raw nerve OP.

Makes me wonder why he even needed to say anything to you. Sounds a bit GF to me like he wanted to get a reaction from you. He didn't go to the strip club, the other blokes did and he came home earlier. Big deal, what was he expecting- a medal or something?

Deadringer · 23/12/2018 15:09

I don't think going to a strip club is cheating but I think it shows poor moral judgement and I would be raging if my dh went. However a private dance I do consider as cheating. If my dh went into a regular bar and asked a woman to dance in a skimpy costume and rub her bits all over him I would consider it cheating, how is it not cheating because he is paying?

shirleyschmidt · 23/12/2018 15:21

No it's not cheating. It's disrespectful and a bit weird and would cause an argument in my house, but nothing like if he'd actually cheated.

I think your DH deserved his little pat on the back tbf - it's never easy to be the only one in a group to say no, and he chose to respect you.

PrivateVasquez · 23/12/2018 15:22

Seems like everyone assumes a strip club is women rubbing themselves on men.

I thought it was mostly just standing on a stage dancing?

For me there is a clear difference between the two in terms of cheating or not.

oofadoofa · 23/12/2018 15:47

So essentially, your stance is:

Offer a view and pose a question, anyone who doesn’t share this view is ‘weird’.

Not ideal, that. And on top of your account wherein you described giving your OH a hard time for doing what, based on your previous view, was seemingly the right thing.

All sympathy should be directed to the OH, on this evidence.

MorganKitten · 23/12/2018 16:08

As someone who has worked at a strip club - it’s not cheating, there’s no touching in decent places, male stripshows are worse and they do touch the women!

Imissgmichael · 23/12/2018 16:24

Strip clubs are sleezy. The majority of men that visit them have no respect for women and don’t care if the women are vulnerable or coerced. I have zero respect for men who visit them. Thank goodness my husband and son agree or I’d be really ashamed of them.

Worsethingshappen · 23/12/2018 16:26

I think strip clubs are pathetic and I have no respect for anyone to visits them for a cheap thrill.
I just don’t understand how someone could be happy when their partner is visiting a strip club and enjoying becoming aroused by watching another woman move around without clothes in a sexually suggestive manner.
Folk on here get worked up about emotional affairs, or sexual infidelity. But strip clubs provide a comparable experience.
They are also totally degrading to women, as are male strip clubs to men.

MrsStrowman · 23/12/2018 16:29

DH went on a stag last year that ended in a strip club he went in for half hour and made his excuses and left, not because I think it's cheating (I don't and what strip clubs are you going to where the women rub themselves all over people?!) , but because he was being hassled to pay for private dances he didn't want and said the drinks were too expensive 😂

thedancingbear · 23/12/2018 16:31

I don't think it's a question of 'cheating' or not. I think it's a question of whether it's acceptable behaviour in a relationship. I don't think it is but i can see why someone might not have a big problem with it.

Why the OP is giving her husband shit for not going has me stumped.

Sandbox · 23/12/2018 16:33

I used to be a stripper, the men can’t touch, the women aren’t vulnerable, they’re making a shit load of money, having a drink and a laugh. It’s not cheating as nothing happens!

HJWT · 23/12/2018 16:33

@DonaldDucksTowel its defo cheating some people just don't have respect for themselves because they pay for it, its different ? If i walked into my home and a woman was giving my DH a naked lap dance what do you think id do? Beat the sh*t out of him 😂😂😂 but its different if he paid for it?? No, no it isn't.

thedancingbear · 23/12/2018 16:35

Beat the sht out of him*

I agree entirely. I'd beat the shit out of my wife if she did something I considered inappropiate.

FFS.

Jammysod · 23/12/2018 16:48

I don't think it's cheating, be pissed if he paid for a private dance though.
I do think that it's a positive that he's respected how you feel & chosen to come home instead of go though.

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