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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider going to a strip club cheating?

437 replies

DonaldDucksTowel · 23/12/2018 09:56

DP went out last night and was home much earlier than I was expecting, I asked him why and he said everyone had gone to a strip club so he got his kebab and came home

As the conversation went on he basically expected me to be very grateful that he didn’t go and came home early instead Hmm so I said “I’m supposed to be super grateful that you didn’t cheat on me, pay for the privilege and exploit a load of vulnerable women in the process? Get a fucking grip!” And basically we got into a bit of a ‘stripclubs aren’t cheating, yes they are’ back and forth for a while

I don’t understand how having a naked woman rub herself all over you would ever not be cheating - and even worse in a strip club than if you were just at a party because you’re actually paying for it! If it was a prostitute it’d be cheating so why not a stripper?!

He thinks I’m being dramatic Hmm
Do you consider going to a strip club cheating?

OP posts:
starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 20:10

I think you need to acknowledge the fact that women actually enjoy sex

Where have I stated anything to the contrary? How is stripping 'sex'?

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 20:12

PengAly but why would you not want your daughter to do it if it is all fine and dandy? You are being a hypocrite.

PengAly · 23/12/2018 20:12

Meant wouldnt stop them*

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 20:13

smile I know that women watch porn. In fact the whole porn industry has exploded in my lifetime.
I don't have to be happy about it.

Strongmummy · 23/12/2018 20:14

@starcrossed - I understand where you’re coming from. However, my issue is that society as a whole should start being more respectful to those who work in the sex industry. I feel that the misogyny and objectification of the women who work in it stems very much from the fact it’s so looked down upon.

Some men who use strippers and sex workers are vile. Others are lonely and want company. Others are horny and want to get off. Women also pay for dances and pay for sex. Whether you like it or not it is a commodity and if it were treated in a more respectful way I would hope the slut shaming and derogatory comments would stop.

PengAly · 23/12/2018 20:15

@starcrossedseahorse its really not hypocritical. The fact that you think it is clearly shows why i initially did not want to waste my time discussing this with you. Bekng ok with my DH watching porn is nit the same thing as wanting my daughter to work in the industry

smilethoyourheartisbreaking · 23/12/2018 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 23/12/2018 20:16

Why do so many seem to have a problem with gratitude? If my partner cut short an evening with friends because they were planning to do something that she felt I would be uncomfortable about, then I'd be grateful for her consideration and would tell her so. Gratitude costs nothing, and is a powerful positive agent in relationships.

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 20:19

Strong yes I hear you. I think that we absolutely should look down on men who buy women though and I think that they should be deeply ashamed of themselves for thinking so little of women.

Sandbox · 23/12/2018 20:19

You’ve clearly never been to a ladies night. There’s a huge amount of male strippers

PengAly · 23/12/2018 20:20

Well said @Strongmummy

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 20:21

PengAly it is complete hypocrisy for you to think it's ok for your husband to watch someone else's daughter in a porn film but that your daughter is too good for it. A job's a job right?

GlitterStick · 23/12/2018 20:21

So you kicked him out for going to a strip club, then he doesn't go to one and comes home instead and it still causes grief with you?
I don't think you'd be happy whatever he did, tbh. Sounds like he couldn't win!

PengAly · 23/12/2018 20:22

@starcrossedseahorse why should we look down on men paying money for strippers if the women are happy providing the service? A lot of women enjoy the industry

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 20:22

Sandbox and I would never watch a male stripper in the same way that I would never watch a female stripper.

Sandbox · 23/12/2018 20:23

Oh fuck off already, I wouldn’t want my son to join the army like his dad, it doesn’t mean I don’t respect the army and the job they do. Why do you have such an issue with women making choices for themselves

Sandbox · 23/12/2018 20:24

You might not but the demand is there, all this rubbish about the patriarchy when the truth is there are male and people strippers and porn workers

abacucat · 23/12/2018 20:24

If the women enjoy it so much as some claim, why do they have to be paid?

Sandbox · 23/12/2018 20:24

So women shouldn’t get paid if they enjoy their job? My friends a vet, she lives for her job but that means she shouldn’t be paid?

PengAly · 23/12/2018 20:24

@starcrossedseahorse no its not because nothing is wrong with women working in the industry if they want to. Id be concerned about it not being a stable career for my hypothetical daughter, same way as acting wouldnt be stable. Thats it. Nothing to do with the sexual aspect at all. But you just go ahead and make your assumptions

abacucat · 23/12/2018 20:26

sandbox I ask because you know the truth is that women do it for money, that is the only

GlitterStick · 23/12/2018 20:27

Sandbox has a good point there. Of course exploitation should be clamped down on, however if a woman wants to and enjoys the industry, why shouldn't she? Some on this thread say they have experience and it wasn't like that for them/ it was enjoyed.
I have a problem more with women being told how they should behave and what they should be doing. Whether it's coming from a male or female.

Sandbox · 23/12/2018 20:27

Surely every job is for the money? Doesn’t mean you can enjoy it, where else can you get dolled up, have a few drinks and dance all night and walk away with over a grand?

abacucat · 23/12/2018 20:29

This article talks about the reality of strip clubs.
touchawomansheart.wordpress.com/2014/03/08/whats-wrong-with-stripping-a-feminist-perspective/

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 20:30

@starcrossedseahorse no its not because nothing is wrong with women working in the industry if they want to. Id be concerned about it not being a stable career for my hypothetical daughter, same way as acting wouldnt be stable. Thats it. Nothing to do with the sexual aspect at all. But you just go ahead and make your assumptions

I am afraid that I do not believe you.