to say that female on male violence is unacceptable too...

[matthayes76]

Hey,

Hoping some of you guys can shed some light on whether I’m being the monster my partner suggests I am.

We were having a chat and it came out that a woman we know has been punching her husband during arguments.

I was pretty shocked and saddened but my partner dismissed it as not being as bad as if it was the other way round.

That attitude really blew me away.

As far as I’m concerned the violent impulse to hurt and cause physical pain during an argument can never be accepted. Irrespective of the size or sex of the person, we need to use reason and discussion to resolve our differences rather than resorting to violence and intimidation.

Am I being unreasonable?

Would really appreciate some feedback 👍🏻

😬

Is this for Twitter? But whatabout the mennnnnnnnnnnnn?

All violence is unacceptable. However, domestic violence is a crime that is killing women regularly. It’s not right that anyone suffers violence, particularly in their own home BUT I often think talking about how it affects men can derail from protecting women.

No of course female on male violence is not acceptable. Any domestic violence is not acceptable.

I also don't understand the argument that men are bigger/ stronger than women, so that makes it worse. Of course this is true for the average man and average woman, but not always on a case by case basis. Women can be bodybuilders, rugby players, large and strong; men can be small and physically weak.

Of course it is, and I very much doubt you'd find anyone who disagrees.

However, since 95% of all violent crime is committed by men - against women, against other men, against children - then the rate of violence by women is not exactly an epidemic, is it?

There is a documentary on you tube about a young man who was murdered by his female partner after years of domestic abuse. It's heartbreaking.
It is so wrong that domestic abuse against men (physical and verbal) is rarely spoken about.

Is this for Twitter? But whatabout the mennnnnnnnnnnnn?

WTF?

Both are bad but one is far more prevalent, and therefore more of a societal problem, than the other.

It is absolutely unacceptable. Female on male violence is abhorrent in the same way male on female violence is.

Yes women don’t kill men at the rate men kill women but that doesn’t give them free rein to beat their partners.

Yes, all violence is unacceptable.

But 7 women this month will be killed by their partners or ex partners. Women are not going around beating men to death, as I think you know.

A family member is abused by his wife. He’s a broken shadow of the person he used to be

That’s appalling. Is there anything you can do to help?

I also don't understand the argument that men are bigger/ stronger than women, so that makes it worse

That’s interesting. A single punch from dh could kill me- a single punch from me to him would barely wind him- but hey it’s all the same.

@sexnot

He is ashamed and refuses to discuss/engage/listen.

Irrespective of the physical injury that can be caused though whichever way round it occurs often it is the mental impact which is massive.

I know a male who has been abused by his wife for years. We helped him get out once after he was hospitalised but he was scared for the kids so went back to “protect” them.

It’s horrendous whoever is committing the abuse.

Irrespective of the fact that women are regularly beaten to death, (2 a week) the mental impact is massive.

That’s interesting. A single punch from dh could kill me- a single punch from me to him would barely wind him- but hey it’s all the same.

I think you underedtimate your ability to do damage. It is surprising what a human can do to another, even if they are supposedly weaker. And if course it may be a slap or punch this time but what next?

Domestic violence is unacceptable, debating which type of violence is more unacceptable seems to be a largely pointless academic point unless you have an agenda...

I think you underedtimate your ability to do damage. It is surprising what a human can do to another, even if they are supposedly weaker

Well the facts are that women aren’t regularily beating men to death- men are though- other men and women. Why would you pretend otherwise? What is your agenda here?

Helmetbymidnight
Domestic violence is unacceptable. The sexes of those involved don't make it any more of less acceptable. There's nothing inconsistent about believing that but also acknowledging that violence against women by men is far more common, and therefore a far more significant problem on a macro scale.

I agree and I wrote that domestic violence is unacceptable.

Bigfarmer
Yes, I’m with you there, did you always seem to find yourself doing it round about midnight or early hours of the morning?

The vast majority of m2f dv is of a significantly lower level than murder. The vast majority of domestic violence, and even the threat of violence, does however have a corrosive effect on people's sense of self worth, their confidence, their personality and just about every other aspect of their life. It doesn't just come down to someone's physical ability to mete out damage.

It is men that do most of it, and it is women that suffer the vast brunt of it.

However I imagine that's scant comfort for anyone who is suffering at the hands of their partner.

Domestic violence against women is more prevalent and should not be minimised but it does seem that the true picture of DV against men is being significantly underestimated.

For those saying a woman is killed on average every 3 days so the consequences are greater, it is a surprising fact that a man dies due to DV on average every 9 days. Yes, less frequently but still far more often than I thought. Surely this statistic will make those of you saying it's not as bad because men can do more damage/my husband wouldn't notice me hitting him rethink your position.

He is ashamed and refuses to discuss/engage/listen.

Poor man, he has NOTHING to be ashamed about but I understand the stigma attached to it. I hope he gets out soon

"I also don't understand the argument that men are bigger/ stronger than women, so that makes it worse"

As said, Men are killing Women daily, not all in DV cases, of course. But one hit from a Man can kill a Woman. Even if a Woman is a Body Builder, that makes her stronger, but his Skeleton, muscle distribution makes him harder to do serious damage to. You'd have to be trad in Martial Arts and even then, most Men, when they are under serious threat can overpower a Woman.

Men kill Men on a daily basis.

It's really dangerous to minimise the damage that Men can inflict on anyone. I'm seeing this sort of thing on FB a lot, from young Women and it's really worrying.

We are getting to a good place in terms of what we accept about DV and I can't help feeling that there's an agenda to undermine the campaigning and policies.

almost half of gay men reported experiencing dv.

All people experiencing Dv should be supported, believed and helped to get away.

I think in general violence against anyone smaller than the aggressor is worse than the other way round so that would be adults against children and most men against women because it's much harder and scarier to defend yourself if you're smaller