Friend asked me not to send him a Xmas card next year

[Loletta]

Felling a bit puzzled and would like to know if I'm being unreasonable to feel like this.
I sent Christmas cards last week. Tonight my DS went out with his friends and asked me to pick him up and give his friend a lift home. The family of his friend was one of the recipients of the cards I sent. When I dropped her off, the dad opened the door and thanked me for the lift and then said "Do you mind not sending us a Christmas card next year please? Just because it's embarrassing. We don't celebrate Christmas".
I'm a bit . I'm not religious and neither is this family but in our family we still celebrate and give each other gifts. I know this family quite well, we've been on holiday together and sometimes hang out at the weekend...I was aware that they don't celebrate Christmas but thought a card would be gladly received as it's also wishing them well for the new year. AIBU to feel it's a bit of an odd thing to say?

I think he was rude to say anything to you. He should have just left it.

I don't send cards except to my parents, who we don't see at Christmas due to distance. If people don't want cards then that in itself wouldn't bother me. However, if someone has taken the time to write you a card then it is very rude to blatantly come out and tell them (effectively) that you didn't appreciate it.

My first thought was Jehovah Witness too. I don't think a non Christian religion would be offended by a card with festive greetings (but I would write Seasons Greetings or Happy New Year instead rather than Merry Christmas).... but a JW is forbidden to celebrate Jesus' birth or anyone else's (children at my DC's school ask for no cards / presents for birthday / Christmas anxctheyre not allowed to take sweets or chocs taken in to share).

I know I am in the minority but I think he was rather rude - just accept the card! It's bad manners to reject a gift or card like that!

How would you feel to receive a card saying happy honnikah or Diwali

Happy to be included in my friend/neighbour’s celebrations, I think. I certainly wouldn’t be offended or embarrassed.

I think it's a bit odd of you to send a card when you know they don't celebrate Christmas.

My friend sends me a Diwali card, I'm Catholic. I would never tell her to stop, she's sending me good wishes!

I do think it's a bit odd of him - couldn't he have just recycled the card and not mentioned it? That said maybe they have personal reasons why celebrating christmas is painful for them. If they don't want a card I'd just not send a card.

How would you feel to receive a card saying happy honnikah or Diwali

I'd think it was nice and happily display it. Just because you don't celebrate a holiday personally wouldn't normally make it offensive to receive a card. That said since Christmas is such a ubiquitous holiday in the UK the only people I know who don't celebrate at all tend to have a strong objection to Christmas (rather than just not believing the biblical story) so perhaps that's what's going on here.

YANBU

I get really fucked off with these really rude threads...so what..somebody sends you a card? Are you really that rude to actually say "I don't want it". It doesn't matter who you are or what you practice, just decent human nature and good manners would accept it and say nothing at all.

^This

Ok shatners so you done have experience of not celebrating then.

Jolly good.

It does seem odd of him to comment, but I wonder if the key point here is that you knew they didn't celebrate Christmas. Presumably they've told you this, so perhaps they feel that you're sending the card to be goady and deliberately ignore their wishes because you think they're being silly.

I would drop them, but I think their request was rude. We celebrate a very secular Christmas. Basically a cultural solstice. We receive many deeply religious cards. I accept them with the love that they were given and display them in my home.

See, now, I read the friend’s situation differently. That they are embarrassed that they can’t participate in reciprocal cards/wishes, and therefore prefer the OP not to start the thing. It’s not to say that it isn’t still a bit rude, but less so?

I have a few friends of other faiths who send me Christmas cards, i think it's really nice of them to acknowledge a holiday they don't participate in. Make me realise i should find Hannukah, Diwali and Eid cards - do they exist?

He's not JW. They're atheists, white British.
As I said, I thought it'd be gladly received as a card wishing them well, nothing more.
As I said in my OP, we're not religious either but when I get a Christmas card I take it as a nice gesture, someone thinking of me and making the effort to write out a card. I thought that's how they would take it. I had no idea they'd find a Christmas card "embarrassing".

Well you know where you stand now.

People often don't like receiving something that they can't or don't want to reciprocate so I expect he means they feel embarrassed not that you are embarrassing yourself

You’ve sent a person who doesn’t celebrate the holiday something to do with the holiday. In what world does that make sense?

YANBU I think that's a bit rude, I have received Eid Mubarak cards from children and their parents at my school - can you imagine if I said the same 🙈🙈 seems very odd to me
As pp said, just recycle it.

I get really fucked off with these really rude threads...so what..somebody sends you a card? Are you really that rude to actually say "I don't want it". It doesn't matter who you are or what you practice, just decent human nature and good manners would accept it and say nothing at all.

This. YANBU. I've received all kinds of cards/gifts when I was living abroad, Chinese new year, Eid, a few I'd never even heard of. I always felt pleased someone had thought of me. How can getting a card - even for a celebration you don't take part in - be offensive?

He sounds like he sucks the joy out of life. Take it as an opportunity to remove him not just from your card list.

I think if you put up a post stating AIBU, my muslim neighbours brought me some food for Eid. They did the same last year and at the time I told them not to again because I am not muslim. AIBU unreasonable to be pissed off and hand the food back? I think people would tell you you were being unreasonable.

The guy you sent the card to is a grown man, he should appreciate the kind intent, bin the card and keep his mouth shut. I think YANBU.

I'm with FormidableMrsC. So you're an atheist. So what? Turn your precious nose up and bin the offending card. No need to be so blatantly, pompously ill-mannered. The prick.

I get really fucked off with these really rude threads...so what..somebody sends you a card? Are you really that rude to actually say "I don't want it". It doesn't matter who you are or what you practice, just decent human nature and good manners would accept it and say nothing at all.

This!!

He sounds like a wanker. Just chuck it in the bin and stop attention seeking.

Several of my neighbours (and good friends) are Muslim and we give them a Christmas card, and they normally pop in with a box of biscuits etc on Xmas day. We pop round at eid and wish then Eid Mubarak, take sweets for the kids. We all get that we celebrate different things but send our good wishes anyway, and nobody gets offended, For goodness sake !!

That’s so odd.

I’m of a religion that doesn’t celebrate Christmas but I have the common courtesy to graciously accept cards and reciprocate gifts.

It’s so rude to make people feel bad about a nice gesture.

For years I got bottles of champagne at work from my managers, I always thanked them and then quietly gave them to my neighbours (I don’t drink). I didn’t see the point in hirting someone’s feelings by rejecting their gift to me.

You didn’t do anything inherently wrong by sending the card - but he’s now said no. You’ve had your answer. Yet you’re somehow convinced that HE is at fault for pointing this out.