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Original poster

Boyfriend doesn't want to spend Christmas day with me

167 replies

Paccaface · 22/12/2018 17:59

Just hoping to get things into perspective....Ive been with boyfriend for nearly two years ..we both have children living with us from previous marriage, both divorced and live in seperate houses .
Recently he's been saying to me that we should discuss moving in together in the New Year so he's obviously wanting to progress the relationship ,I love him very much and hate being without him. Last year we spent Xmas apart as he went to his family and I was hoping we would spend Xmas together this year ....but he's already made arrangements to go to his parents for the full day with his kids, then at tea time he's dropping them off to his ex wife's. This will be around 4pm...He casually said that after all if that if " I'm not doing anything" then he'll "come and see me." I'm not invited to his parents apparantely ...even though I thought we got on well. So i'll be on my own with my two children 5 and 11. I have no other family....all passed away . I'm really hurt that I'm last on his list of priorities. I'm f angry as well. When I've tried to speak to him about it he just says he didn't think but still says he can only see me in the evening. I.just feel.like he's only seeing me as parents will be tired and kids gone for the night.

OP posts:
Delatron · 22/12/2018 19:19

Though I agree you shouldn’t have done the Christmas shopping for him.

MsJolly · 22/12/2018 19:19

Ha-he’s done you right over-the presents would be more special if you bought them and wrapped them? Fuck. That. Shit.

schopenhauer · 22/12/2018 19:20

I think that’s best for all involved. You get to have Xmas with your kids and he with his. I’m sure that’s what the dc would prefer but you seem very down about that. It sounds like he sold you a line about buying all the presents!

I would say you could plan for Xmas together next year when you’ll be living together presumably.

Drogosnextwife · 22/12/2018 19:25

It's a bit strange, wouldn't he want to come round in the morning with his kids so you can all swap gifts and see each other on Christmas day? Isn't that what it's all about? Especially if he knows you don't have anyone else with you. I think he's being selfish and I would be pissed off aswell. You did everything for HIS children for Christmas but you won't even see them to give them the gifts you got them from you, he is the one talking about moving in so you with potentially be their step mum next year yet he doesn't want to involve you in this year's Christmas plans!

gamerchick · 22/12/2018 19:25

Has he bought your kids sackfuls of presents OP?

RandomMess · 22/12/2018 19:27

You're close enough to his DC to buy them a sackful if gifts but not good enough to spend time with swapping gifts...

Almost like he sees you as a nanny alternative!

StoorieHoose · 22/12/2018 19:28

“ bought them as he said I would get the right presents that they wanted and he would feel they were more special if I got them and wrapped them”

You actually fell for that? This is a lazy man child and I would not be moving in with him

Nicknacky · 22/12/2018 19:28

I don’t think the op should be buying sackfuls of presents. She’s been in her boyfriend life for less than two years and presumably in the kids for less than that.

A present would have sufficed, not martyred herself with sackfuls.

Sparkletastic · 22/12/2018 19:30

You sound low on his list of priorities and somewhat taken for granted. You deserve better.

Original poster
Paccaface · 22/12/2018 19:32

I get on well with his children and yes I'll be potentially their step mum next year but feel I should be included at some point. He made his arrangements without even discussing, knowing I have no one else

OP posts:
IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 22/12/2018 19:32

I bought them as he said I would get the right presents that they wanted and he would feel they were more special if I got them and wrapped them.

Honestly Op, you were well and truly done up like a kipper and yeah has he bought your kids a sackful of present each?

Sorry Op, I get the impression you are more invested in this relationship than him and you will be the one constantly giving more than you receive. I don't think he is wrong for spending the day with his children and their grandparents, but the thing over the presents - nah big red flag for me. What else does he persuade you to do for him and his children.

CurlsandCurves · 22/12/2018 19:32

Sounds like no discussion was had about this. He told you how it was going to be. And then got you to do his Christmas shopping for him.

Has he got your kids lots of lovely presents, like you’ve done for his?

Original poster
Paccaface · 22/12/2018 19:34

Nickynacky...I've known his kids longer than I've known him. I got them a sack each with six presents each in.

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 22/12/2018 19:34

Your partner is telling you loud and clear what the situation is. And in your OP you say you're angry. So you should be.

Not because he wants to spend the day with his children and parents, per se. But very much for how much he takes you for granted, and how very unreciprocal your relationship appears to be.

He's taking you for a mug. And I'm sure you're not one.

DistanceCall · 22/12/2018 19:37

He made his arrangements without even discussing, knowing I have no one else

That's not true: you have your children. But I really don't like how he essentially treats you as his secretary.

Original poster
Paccaface · 22/12/2018 19:37

He's got mine nothing so far but it's not about that. I do lots for him...probably too much.. and for his kids too .. as I thought we were going to be a family as we've discussed. I'm not speaking to him at the moment because of Xmas issue and feing I'm being taken for granted

OP posts:
Howhot · 22/12/2018 19:37

So is this only your second Christmas since you've been in a relationship with him? I think his plans sound fine tbh considering you both have your own children to think of, although I'd want a firmer idea of if he's coming over in the evening.

Zucker · 22/12/2018 19:38

Has he done the equivalent for your children OP? I think you've let yourself fall into the wife role here on the promise of moving in at some stage. Talk is cheap OP look at this guys actual actions.

gamerchick · 22/12/2018 19:38

So he's got your kids fuck all for Christmas? Did he get them anything last year?

Original poster
Paccaface · 22/12/2018 19:38

*feeling

OP posts:
RandomMess · 22/12/2018 19:39

He is taking you for granted, you are doing his "wifework" for him!!!

SushiMonster · 22/12/2018 19:40

Why on earth would you want to drag your children to your boyfriends parents house on Xmas?

That is so uncool.

Enjoy Christmas Day with you children.

SexNotJenga · 22/12/2018 19:40

How many times have you met his parents?

DCITennison · 22/12/2018 19:42

Would your childen really want to go to their mums boyfriends parents for Christmas Day?
Would they want to spend the day with his children?
You’ve a lot to say about what you want versus what he wants - the children don’t seem to get much of a look in.

FunkyCrunky · 22/12/2018 19:42

We're his plans to go to his parents arranged beforehand? It may be that visiting his parents at Christmas is his usual routine - it is for me too. I don't think men think the same ay us women do, and think he probably has no idea that you're upset with that. I've noticed with my partner of 8 years that hinting or beating around the bush doesn't get me anywhere because they don't think the same way. Be direct with him. Ask him if it would be ok with his parents to tag along, and explain your feelings (whether you'll be lonely, not got anywhere to go, etc).

What's the worst that can happen... he says no, but at least he'll know how you feel and you can make plans together (whether it's this year or next).