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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give my son a potato for Christmas?

425 replies

eefa658 · 22/12/2018 17:38

Have lurked for about a year but finally made an account to ask this as I've had mixed reactions from friends and my DM...

DS 3 is a biter. We have tried EVERYTHING to get him to stop. Final straw was the other day when he tried to bite his 3 month old sister (he didn't manage to as I grabbed him) I had warned him last time he bit me that Santa would see and for every time he bit anybody from now on Santa would replace a present with a potato. He didn't listen, and tried to bite DD. I've told him that Santa has seen and one of his presents is now a potato.

I HATE not following through on punishments. I'm inclined just to wrap up a potato and chuck it in his stocking and then when he opens it on Christmas Day remind him that he was warned. I'm not going to throw away any of his presents, so he's not actually going to miss out he will just think he has.

DM and a few friends think I'm horrible. DH, DF and a few other friends think it's a great idea.

WIBU to do this? I'm running out of ideas to get him to stop and I really am losing the will to live over it. Please feel free to also offer tips on how you stopped your child biting...

OP posts:
SleepySofa · 22/12/2018 19:49

Why are you spending £200 on a 3 year old? Seems like something is off in the household.

WTAF? What’s wrong with spending that much on a nearly 4 year old? A bike and a couple of Lego sets could easily cost £200. If OP isn’t getting into debt, there’s nothing “off” at all about spending that amount and absolutely no need for the OP to have to justify it to you or anyone else.

SarahET · 22/12/2018 19:50

Oh a chewy toy in the shape of a potato!

Grannyannex · 22/12/2018 19:51

Best to carry through the threat. Give a mix of potatoes and gifts. Wrap however many potatoes and leave a note from Santa saying he can exchange one potato for one gift each week he doesn’t bite. Santa has left the
Gifts with Mum

nocoolnamesleft · 22/12/2018 19:51

What would work way better is wrapping the potato instead of any present for your DH, and telling him that he can have gifts again when he starts acting like a parent and staying consistent in the boundaries for your DS's behaviour.

Original poster
eefa658 · 22/12/2018 19:52

@SleepySofa no sign of any SEN or whatnot. He's bitten a few kids at nursery - mainly when they have been getting more attention from his favourite lady there. We know it's an attention thing - he's always been like this even before DD was born! The nursery have introduced time outs which work at nursery but don't work at home unfortunately.

OP posts:
dingledangles · 22/12/2018 19:53

Eefa! I am laughing out loud and had to explain to my husband why I am laughing.

Please do this.
Also can you make a Facebook account for him to share the event, might as well violate his privacy while you're at it!

Shall we name the potato? And can the potato be attached to him to carry around as a constant reminder, sleep in his bed etc.

Original poster
eefa658 · 22/12/2018 19:53

@nocoolnamesleft Hahahaha I would love to see his face. Since the biting has got worse he's become more consistent with my parenting and stopped letting him get away with things but if anything it's made it worse!

OP posts:
MrMeSeeks · 22/12/2018 19:53

Yanbu, Grin

Nicknamesalltaken · 22/12/2018 19:55

What happens after Christmas?

My DS was a biter at the same age. I was PG with DC3 at the time. He was quite random. Sometimes out of frustration, sometimes just out of the blue.

Saw a behaviour specialist - she suggested spending 30 minutes a day with DS, 1:1, doing whatever he wanted (so playing trains mainly).

It worked within days.

It’s awful having a child who bites, but do try to look at other perspectives rather than him just being ‘naughty’ and disciplining. It might be something else.

I hope you get it sorted. It’s very hard and upsetting for you too.

dingledangles · 22/12/2018 19:56

sleepy sofa - no you are wrong, it clearly shows something is off on this household.

He's obviously biting to show his frustration at his mum being obsessed with material things and frittering away her money on such pointless frivolities as Christmas.

Or maybe she starves and neglects him because all her money was spent on presents and not food and he's biting because he's hungry. So therefore OP is being responsible by gifting him a potato

Original poster
eefa658 · 22/12/2018 19:56

@dingledangles do you think changing DS's name to Edward after King Edward Potatoes would be a step too far? Would this constant reminder of the time he got a potato for Christmas be enough of a punishment? Parenting is so hard

OP posts:
ScienceIsTruth · 22/12/2018 19:56

I actually did this when mine were about 7 and 9. They only got potatoes in their stockings, but they still had gifts downstairs.
Father Christmas wrote them a letter, which was left in their stocking, explaining why and telling them that if they weren't kinder to each other, then next time there'd be no presents at all, not even downstairs.

Whattodonut · 22/12/2018 19:56

I think its brilliant and I will in future years be doing this!

Original poster
eefa658 · 22/12/2018 19:57

@Nicknamesalltaken he already gets that allocated 1:1 time with both of us :( we have also spoke to a behavioural specialist! I am going to do a chart - potatoes in exchange for a treat for everyday he goes without biting. That way it has a bit more longevity compared to a one off potato in his stocking

OP posts:
Original poster
eefa658 · 22/12/2018 19:58

@ScienceIsTruth are they now serial killers?

OP posts:
dingledangles · 22/12/2018 19:59

I'm laughing so hard.
Also forgot to mention how funny it was that new potatoes won't cut it.. you could have different potatoes for the different times he bit, so if it was a little nibble he could have a potato wedge, if it was a bite where he broke the skin then a baked potato would be more sufficient. Mashed would be quite funny too, mashed potato in the bottom of his stocking?

Original poster
eefa658 · 22/12/2018 20:00

@dingledangles he loves mash so that would be a gift! Definitely no mash!!! Don't want him thinking I'm nice.

OP posts:
Philomensapie · 22/12/2018 20:01

I put a couple of potatoes in with DS 7's presents every year. His behaviour's getting worse, we think it's ADHD, but he definitely tries harder after Christmas! Xmas Grin

ScienceIsTruth · 22/12/2018 20:01

This was a fairly instant punishment as they'd spent all week fighting with each other and after being warned several times what would happen if they couldn't be nicer to each other, they behaved even worse on Christmas Eve, so I felt that I had to follow through.

RhiWrites · 22/12/2018 20:02

Why not hold back an actual present? Since you’re going to give him the chance to earn it back? It’ll save buying him an extra one.

dingledangles · 22/12/2018 20:03

God no then you'd be rewarding the biting.. got to play this carefully.

I really want to go and unwrap all my children's presents and give them a whole stocking full of potatoes. Imagine the sheer delight on their little faces.

I still can't get over some of the trauma comments - let's get some perspective here, there are children in the world who won't even get a drink of clean water on Christmas Day, or others closer to home who are severely neglected and abused. That's trauma.

Drogosnextwife · 22/12/2018 20:03

I think it's a good idea. I wouldn't say to him he will get a present back if he "manages" to not bite anyone, makes it sound as though he isn't completely in control of his actions.

BertieBotts · 22/12/2018 20:05

I would do it, because you've said it so you should. But I wouldn't expect it to be hugely effective, I think it is too abstract at 3. To deal with the biting, closer supervision even if it's a pain and try to pre empt the signs, then redirect him to something like a teething ring. It's OK to feel frustrated - bite this instead kind of thing.

dingledangles · 22/12/2018 20:05

On a totally different topic I have just seen something on Facebook about your children leaving old toys under the tree for Santa to take and give to children less fortunate than themselves! Going to give it a go!

SarahET · 22/12/2018 20:07

@dingledangles that's a brilliant idea.

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