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AIBU?

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Original poster

Thinking my friend is a goldigger?

177 replies

ArlaxA · 22/12/2018 14:31

She is 23 and has 2 children and she's pregnant with her third. She had her first at 18 by her ex, he has a normal job and earns a basic salary, I think he gives her around £50 a week in child support.

Second childs father is a professional sports player, they had a one night stand on two occasions and she became pregnant. He's very involved in their child's life and have a private arrangement whereby he gives her £320 a week in support. Their child is 2 and recently he was ordered by court to sell one of his rental properties and buy a family home for my friend and his child to live in until she turns 18. He's in the process of completing the sale and my friend will be moving in next year, completely rent free for the next 16 years whilst still getting £320 a week from him as the judge said she should live a similar lifestyle to her father when with her mother.

She's now 4 months pregnant by another sports player, they where together for about 6 months before she got pregnant. It wasn't planned and he wasn't happy about the news, she claims the pill failed. He is only 19 and already excelling in his career. Although he isn't happy he's vowed to play apart in the babies life when she is born. Friend and him have agreed to £200 a week child support when the child's born which will get higher as his salary increases.

So she will be living rent free in the house her second childs father has brought for her to live in, a 4 bedroom home. He knows she is pregnant and doesn't seem to care that 2 children from other men will be living in the home he is providing. She will be recieving £570 a week in child support and she claims child tax credits as she's not working (she doesn't claim any other benefits) she will be rent free too. All her children are dressed in designer clothing and she parades them on instagram and treats them like an accessory, she is proud that she has children fathered by footballers and brags about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ArlaxA · 22/12/2018 15:46

@write

I don't know maybe it's just me but I think having £600 a week from not working a 9-5 whilst living rent free in a home and spending the day's going for lunch, days out and spa days whilst also driving a range rover gifted to you by your child's father sounds like a much better lifestyle than working 9-5 to have £50 a week left after childcare bills and rent

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 22/12/2018 15:46

Especially as these children will grow up and have questions about why their mum wasn't with their dad and why both of their dads are sports players.

What kind of questions? Confused

Write · 22/12/2018 15:46

At the moment she's hoping her business goes well so she will be secure by the time the kids are 18
Excellent. Hopefully she makes some real friends in the process and ditches you

F1ame · 22/12/2018 15:47

Well first of all she’s still only 23! 3 kids at 23 is a lot and she probably doesn’t have the maturity to realise what she’s actually doing.

Secondly, you say she gets £570 a week? Well, that still only works out to be under £30k a year which very average nationally, isn’t it? I get she has no rent / mortgage, but with 3 DC this won’t go that far - certainly nowhere near enough for a “designer lifestyle,” if that’s what she wants.

She would have been better off getting a £30k job herself with her law degree and then marrying one of the partners! Grin

TwistedStitch · 22/12/2018 15:48

So she's raising all her kids, has worked to complete a law degree since becoming a mother and is in the process of setting up her own business. What is your complaint? That the fathers of her kids provide financially? That's what they are supposed to do.

masterandmargarita · 22/12/2018 15:48

She's not 'lumbered' with 3 small children - shes blessed with 3 small children but I can't help agree with op a wee bit although the blokes are idiots for not wearing condoms

HolesinTheSoles · 22/12/2018 15:48

I don't envy her. It's a comfortable lifestyle but not hugely extravagant especially when you have three kids to look after. Also I imagine the child support is definitely not guaranteed for life - what if the father has an injury or his career just doesn't take off. What happens when the kids turn 18, she'll have no career and not be qualified for anything much.

Original poster
ArlaxA · 22/12/2018 15:49

@icanceledthecheque

Check out child support top up orders.

If the income of the paying parent dramatically exceeds that of the receiving parent then they can make awards so they live as similar lifestyle as possible. This can mean providing a car, home and lump sum payments for decorating moving costs etc as well as school fees.

Judges can do whatever they feel is necessary, she could get well over the £320 a week he currently gives her

OP posts:
mimibunz · 22/12/2018 15:49

If she’s a gold digger she’s not a good one. A true professional would have got one of the sports guys to marry her and then had children.

Write · 22/12/2018 15:50

Tell us about your friendship OP

Original poster
ArlaxA · 22/12/2018 15:51

@mimibunz she doesn't want a partner, she just wants children and to be alone. She actually enjoys and wants to be a single parent

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 22/12/2018 15:53

If you've said your friend had admitted to being a goldigger, then you don't really need to ask do you?

But out

Grimbles · 22/12/2018 15:54

So do you apply the same logic to all SAHMs OP?

Do you think she should decline financial support from the fathers and live in a 2 bed council flat on benefits or something? That'll teach the slag won't it!

Borisdaspide · 22/12/2018 15:55

Sounds like it's working brilliantly for her. Had her goal and achieved it by the age of 23, no less.

AllKinds · 22/12/2018 15:55

I'd be very upset if my friend posted my financial details and very personal details of my life on a forum.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 22/12/2018 15:57

You seem to know an awful lot about your friend's intimate contraception details and private financial information.

Also, she had a one night stand... Twice Grin

CripsSandwiches · 22/12/2018 15:58

I don't know maybe it's just me but I think having £600 a week from not working a 9-5 whilst living rent free in a home and spending the day's going for lunch, days out and spa days whilst also driving a range rover gifted to you by your child's father sounds like a much better lifestyle than working 9-5 to have £50 a week left after childcare bills and rent

But according to you she's also been getting a law degree and starting a business so she obviously isn't just swanning around all day. Presumably she's also caring for her children. Her income at the moment is far from guaranteed long term so she was very wise to get qualified.

PortiaCastis · 22/12/2018 16:01

Blimey, I'd be furious if somebody posted my financial situation online how awful and I sure wouldn't tell that someone anything else because they are not my friend blasting out confidential matters on the internet

massi71 · 22/12/2018 16:03

OP

Why do you care so much?

PortiaCastis · 22/12/2018 16:03

Oh some of this is hilarious

Youbloodywhaat · 22/12/2018 16:05

Friend? I don't think so.

You sound equal parts judgmental and envious.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 22/12/2018 16:06

Gold digger

The thing is she sounds like someone who will just waste the money spoiling her kids and when the children are grown up and them men no longer have to provide for her, she'll have nothing and it'll be her own fault.

pallisers · 22/12/2018 16:09

would you approve of her more if she made poor choices for the fathers of her children and ended up without support from them, poor and dependent on benefits?

I hope she isn't on MN because you have posted completely identifying information.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 22/12/2018 16:10

Is she a good mother? Rich or poor doesn’t matter. What matters is how she raises her dc and how their fathers raise them. It sounds like all 3 fathers are or will be involved parents. They all at least care enough to pay her decent amounts to raise the children. She has achieved a law degree and is setting up her own business, I would say the £600 a week will make that a lot easier for her than struggling on benefits or a min wage job. She’ll be able to have a financial cushion and maybe pay childcare if she needs it. She has chosen wealthy men to father the children, that’s a plus point isn’t it? Better that than 3 losers who won’t support their children. I’m raising mine with no help from their father. That’s no fun. Believe me.

winsinbin · 22/12/2018 16:11

If the men are dumb enough to not wear a condom during casual sex paying out for DC might be the least of their problems.

If I had the looks and inclination to be a gold digger I’d set my sights considerably higher than three kids and a three bedroom house that I would only be allowed to live in for 16 years.