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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thinking my friend is a goldigger?

177 replies

ArlaxA · 22/12/2018 14:31

She is 23 and has 2 children and she's pregnant with her third. She had her first at 18 by her ex, he has a normal job and earns a basic salary, I think he gives her around £50 a week in child support.

Second childs father is a professional sports player, they had a one night stand on two occasions and she became pregnant. He's very involved in their child's life and have a private arrangement whereby he gives her £320 a week in support. Their child is 2 and recently he was ordered by court to sell one of his rental properties and buy a family home for my friend and his child to live in until she turns 18. He's in the process of completing the sale and my friend will be moving in next year, completely rent free for the next 16 years whilst still getting £320 a week from him as the judge said she should live a similar lifestyle to her father when with her mother.

She's now 4 months pregnant by another sports player, they where together for about 6 months before she got pregnant. It wasn't planned and he wasn't happy about the news, she claims the pill failed. He is only 19 and already excelling in his career. Although he isn't happy he's vowed to play apart in the babies life when she is born. Friend and him have agreed to £200 a week child support when the child's born which will get higher as his salary increases.

So she will be living rent free in the house her second childs father has brought for her to live in, a 4 bedroom home. He knows she is pregnant and doesn't seem to care that 2 children from other men will be living in the home he is providing. She will be recieving £570 a week in child support and she claims child tax credits as she's not working (she doesn't claim any other benefits) she will be rent free too. All her children are dressed in designer clothing and she parades them on instagram and treats them like an accessory, she is proud that she has children fathered by footballers and brags about it.

OP posts:
Frequency · 22/12/2018 15:14

If the men don't want to pay child support they should wear a condom next time. I'm not seeing what the friend has done wrong, personally. She didn't impregnate herself, did she?

ScreamingBadSanta · 22/12/2018 15:14

If these sportsmen want the fun of casual sexual encounters, that's the risk they take! Your friend seems happy with her choices, so what others think of them is irrelevant.

MrsTerryPratcett · 22/12/2018 15:14

Those men needed to listen at school in sex Ed.

cuppycakey · 22/12/2018 15:15

You sound very jealous.

TheQueef · 22/12/2018 15:15

Thank fuck I don't have mates like you.

Jealously is so ugly.

ParPitieh · 22/12/2018 15:15

Courts can do whatever they see fitParPitieh

I was wondering what could happen in my situation if I chose to leave partner. Surprised that this woman has been given her ex's house. My partner is loaded he won't even pay for my bus fare yet doesn't want me to work.

Dimsumlosesum · 22/12/2018 15:17

You sound envious.

Why are you directing your ire towards her? Contraception fails. The fact the 19 year old man "wasn't happy" is as much his fault as hers - if you absolutely do not want children, double up on protection, or go celibate.

AJPTaylor · 22/12/2018 15:20

Righto 🙄

LonginesPrime · 22/12/2018 15:20

He knows she is pregnant and doesn't seem to care that 2 children from other men will be living in the home he is providing.

What would you suggest? Dressing the other two in rags and making them sleep in the shed?

I don't understand why you're so concerned, OP - the dads are supporting their children so what's your issue?

Bluntness100 · 22/12/2018 15:25

If these sportsmen want the fun of casual sexual encounters

Of the three fathers, two of them she was in a relationship with.

Either way this is all about thr ops envy. She's not her friend,

Original poster
ArlaxA · 22/12/2018 15:28

I don't think she's had them JUST for the money. She's told me before she wants lots of kids but she doesn't want a partner or to get married. I think she sees it as better than getting pregnant by a broke/normal guy as then she would have to work and even then, struggle to support the kids. She wants to be a SAHM with no partner so she sees it better to have a child with men who have money which would allow her to live that lifestyle and raise her children as a SAHM without struggling like most single stay at home mums do that rely on benefits. She's told me multiple times that she doesn't rely on benefits, she relies on the children's father's so in her mind that's "better"

She doesn't pay for childcare as she is a SAHM, the eldest is in school and she usually spends the days at soft play or lunching or spa days as her mum has her youngest for a few afternoons a week.

She actually is incredibly intelligent and has a law degree which she obtained whilst raising 2 kids. Ultimately she decided for now atleast that she would rather be a mum and she's not pursuing a career but plans to start a business soon with the help from her youngest daughter's dad who is providing investment as he wants her to be able to support their daughter regardless of if he was around or not (he is a really good guy)

I understand it's both their responsibilities to use contraception. However, I do feel for the guy she's currently pregnant with. He was 18 when she became pregnant and she was 23. She convinced him he didn't need to use condoms because she was on the pill (whether or not she was is a different story but she maintains to me that she was) he was cautious at first but developed trust for her. I've seen the texts of him telling her he trusted her and loved her but he feels like he's been played. I feel sorry for him because I think he's been a bit naive.

BTW she doesn't hide the fact she's a goldigger, she brags about it and tells everyone how much she gets in child support which is how I know the exact figures. She shames people on benefits and calls them scroungers and says "atleast my children's dads pays for us not the government"

OP posts:
ravenmum · 22/12/2018 15:28

The professional sports players sound very decent. Shame I am too old to get together with one!

YANBU to think snarky things about your friend but YABVU, not to say libellous, to post this thread. You might want to delete it before those professional sports players hear about it.

whatsthestory123 · 22/12/2018 15:30

i dont think this is real myself but only here would people say £600+ a week no rent is low and still back the women in her actions

making exscuses for her

thats MN i guess

Grimbles · 22/12/2018 15:30

So should single mothers just receive scraps from the fathers and be grateful for it or something?

Original poster
ArlaxA · 22/12/2018 15:32

It's not the fact that she has had a child with someone with very high earnings, it's the fact she sets out to do this because she wants to live a good lifestyle and be a mother but without having to provide for her kids herself.

OP posts:
PerverseConverse · 22/12/2018 15:33

Yeah ok then Hmm

Grimbles · 22/12/2018 15:36

So what though? She is providing for them in other ways other than financially

Original poster
ArlaxA · 22/12/2018 15:38

Ok, I just don't think it's right that she should rely on men to give her the "mother lifestyle" she wants. Especially as these children will grow up and have questions about why their mum wasn't with their dad and why both of their dads are sports players. I have no doubt when this baby is born and gets a little older, she will start searching for the 4th baby dad.

OP posts:
starryeyed19 · 22/12/2018 15:39

She's lumbered with three small children, completely dependent on other people for any income. If any of those guys suffers an injury or can't work anymore, she is screwed.

percheron67 · 22/12/2018 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 22/12/2018 15:42

Whats her plan for when the kids are 18 and the money dries up?

Original poster
ArlaxA · 22/12/2018 15:43

3 kids are hard work, but like I've said, she wants babies, the money is just helping her achieve the mummy lifestyle she wants but ultimately, she wants a big family without having the financial pressure.

Her daughter's father owns various properties and has business ventures so he has a back up. She also made sure he had a healthy life insurance plan that will support their daughter if anything happened to him. He does acknowledge this however which is why he is helping her start her own business so she doesn't have to rely on his income.

OP posts:
Write · 22/12/2018 15:44

she wants to live a good lifestyle
You have a very strange notion of what a good lifestyle is OP.

Original poster
ArlaxA · 22/12/2018 15:44

At the moment she's hoping her business goes well so she will be secure by the time the kids are 18.

OP posts:
Icancelledthecheque · 22/12/2018 15:45

A court ordered a man that had a ONS with someone, without ever being in a relationship with her, let alone married, to buy her a house? Hmm

Yeah, that happened.