To ask if you think I should leave or keep trying?

[confusedatchristmas1]

My loving, happy, can't get enough of each other relationship has somehow turned into us basically just being housemates and I don't know how.

I'm pregnant (planned), and I knew things would change, but my DP has no interest in me since we got the positive result. Doesn't want to have sex, doesn't want to spend any time with me, gets really angry at me when I tell him that I'm upset with the way things have changed. And for a while I've just been plodding on and getting occasionally upset but the more time that passes, the less I want to even try. I'm struggling with the pregnancy in lots of ways (it's bloody hard work isn't it?! Women are great!) and feel like I've had zero support from him. And to be honest, I don't even want to spend time with the person he's become. I have booked us a surprise trip for after Christmas, which I hoped would bring us closer again, and now I'm lying in bed, alone with the flu whilst he sits downstairs drinking, alone, wondering if I should just get up and go tomorrow. I still love him but I don't think there's anything else I can try and I just don't see what I'd be missing.

I've spoken to him and he says things will be better when the baby comes, but I don't want to wait another 4 months to have my partner back.

Everyone has noticed he's completely different towards me too. His own family have asked why I've stuck around, and I'm running out of reasons now.

Go to a friends or family.

Don’t contact him to say when you are in labour, wait until you have given birth and registered the birth in your name only. Give baby your surname.

Then have someone else contact him to say baby is here.

I’m so sorry he is treating the mother of his child like this. You deserve better .

Leave NOW. It may be an overreaction but even so, better to be safe with family.

That reaction tells you all you need to know.

I’m really sorry this has happened to you. What a vile nasty piece of work.

There are so many red flags OP in your thread that I could weep for you. He's making you deeply unhappy at a time when you should be excited, planning for the future together and instead he's stressing you out. And that isn't good for you or your little baby.

Get out as soon as you can, and be around people who will love and support you. What he's doing to you is unspeakably cruel, and he's not a man I'd want to bring a child up with. And I'd see a solicitor, to talk about whether or not to put him on the birth certificate. I fear you may have got a tiger by the tail here.

I wish you luck

I've left, as I left he told me I was ungrateful about being pregnant and I asked why and he said "you care too much about our relationship".
What a bizarre thing to say.

God knows what's going to happen now, there's so much to sort with the house and money and everything but I really just don't ever want to see him again (I know with time I'll probably change my mind, but right now, I think I hate him.)

Wow OP, he is scum. At least you know his true colours before you waste any more of your life on him.

You sound lovely btw. You deserve so much better than this x

Did you... get together while he was with someone else? Nearly married..? Because this all sounds awfully like my ex.... those are the kinds of things he would say and promise... I can guarantee you that these are now his true colours.

So glad you’ve left. Your baby comes first now, no-one else. So that means your safety and health - mental and physical - come first. Are you somewhere safe? Do you think he will turn up?

@LifeofClimb nooo! When we got together he'd been single for 4 years!

I'm gob smacked, he totally tried to turn everything around on me and even accused me of emotional abuse. He said I've ruined his life, I said I don't understand if things are so bad and I'm such a bitch, why are you asking me to stay?

Obviously he had no reply. I recorded his little rant as well, just because I know how manipulative he can be and I'll forget how vile he has been so playing that will hopefully keep me strong!

ungrateful about being pregnant

Ummm... what?

Again, I’m so sorry. Truly, it’s just awful.

He’ll start the begging soon and then his family will get involved. Just stand your ground and use your family for support and protection.

@ferntwist yeah I'm safe, no he wouldn't dare! He knows that everyone is wise to his behaviour now so it wouldn't be a good idea for him to start mouthing off.

God I'm so sorry! He sounds a twat! Stay strong.

Ah ok. I’m sorry

that’s shit that this fella has lulled you into a false sense of security. it didn’t ever get better for me btw, only worse. are you able to talk to him to try and work things out without him closing down?

@LifeofClimb not at all, he just gets so angry. I've just replayed the recording and it was even worse than I remembered it being, possibly as I was in shock. Some of the things he called me were disgusting and every time I asked why are you saying that, or what have I done, he just got more angry and didn't explain a thing.

He was adamant that I shouldn't leave though, and that we should be together.

Like other ppl said, maybe he is being scared etc, but he doesn't have to behave like an arse. You're quite right to not want to put up with being treated like shit. It won't get better after baby shows up, what an idea. Hang in there.

Very glad to hear you are out and safe. I'd send the recordings onto his folks so they know what's gone on if he contacts them.

Do not back down when he tries to beg forgiveness. He is a horrible excuse for a human being.

Enjoy your Christmas and New year!

Glad you got out, he's really bad news. Don't put him on the birth certificate and give the baby your surname. And don't hide his behaviour from anyone. I'm not saying go and shout it out, but don't deny if asked.

I wish people would stop spouting bullshit about men being scared. Women are scared of childbirth, but what's that got to do with abuse? An abusive person is an abusive person. He's not 'scared', he's an asshole.

Op you are much better off. Stay strong when he comes begging.

Oh op, you poor thing, I really feel for you, what a let down he has turned out to be..
You have done the right thing, you can do this. It really is easier alone than with someone unsupportive who makes you miserable.. You deserve better, anyone would.
I left my sons dad when baby was 6 months, it was the best thing for all of us and I've never regretted it.
Regretted that he couldn't be the partner I needed, but not that I left when I did. Like yours he had chances, I cut my loses.
Since then I have built a nice life for us, son is happy and healthy, ex is a good dad...
Worked out fine for us, better than staying would have.
Get support from your family, they will be happy to help..
Look after yourself and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.. Going it alone is hard there's no getting around it but sometimes it's the only way and the rewards are immense.

I left my partner when I was pregnant. I think it’s important for you to know that my experience of late pregnancy, birth, dealing with a baby was so, so much easier on my own than it would have been with an unsupportive partner or an unhappy relationship. A lot of people felt sorry for me but I would privately think how much better off I was than some of them with the partners they had. I was able to fully focus on the baby and me. I was actually financially better off as well than if I’d been with someone as I got tax credits (obviously not the reason I did it alone before anyone jumps on me) I can’t really tell you how glad I am that I left, I haven’t had a single regret. I now have a lovely DP who adores us both and life is great. Please don’t fear of doing it alone stop you from leaving if that’s what you want. Also feel free to PM me if you want any advice of info about anything

Sorry just read update about you leaving. Well done, you and the baby will be more than fine. DON’T put him on the birth certificate no matter how much anyone (including people on here) night try to guilt you into it. You’ll be able to protect yourself and the baby a lot more if he’s not on there x

he totally tried to turn everything around on me and even accused me of emotional abuse

My friends emotionally abusive partner also did this almost every time she tried to raise something with him. She left but then went back again after eight months. I hope you don't.

Well done for leaving. You are amazing. I am sure the future feels quite daunting but not as daunting with such a terrible, controlling partner and father in it. Please don't go back to him. Don't put him on the birth certificate. Stay safe. You will be an amazing mum to your baby. I am sure you will make it all work. Just take one step at a time.

Well done OP. You’ve taken the hardest step. He’s shown his true colours.

Out of interest, what were his family’s relationships like? I wonder what has been modelled to him for him to act like this. (Not making excuses for him by the way - you’ve done exactly the right thing and I wish I had had your courage to leave a similar relationship).

Just wanted to say how impressed I am by your strength and courage - what a wonderful mother you are already to put your baby first and get yourself and baby away from such a destructive character.

Having a baby is hard (the best thing you’ll ever do, make no mistake, but it can be hard) and I have often thought how much harder it would be with the wrong partner than alone.