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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this rude guest behaviour?

130 replies

quepoe · 21/12/2018 22:56

Warning - this is trivial.

Husband's family are coming to us for Christmas for the first time. SIL text me a few weeks ago and asked should she bring dessert, which was appreciated, but they are travelling a fair distance so I declined the offer and asked what sort of thing would they like.

SIL said family favourites were sticky toffee pudding and pavlova. So it was agreed I'd make those and today I got all the necessary ingredients to make them.

Husband gets a text tonight from SIL saying she has a shop bought sticky toffee pudding and pavlova to bring!

My take on that is that it's rather rude, and basically saying she doesn't trust my cooking!! My husbands point of view is that she just wants to help out. I don't see it as helpful as it's not what we agreed.

OP posts:
User323676890 · 21/12/2018 22:58

She’s trying to be helpful and misjudged. Don’t make her an enemy for no reason...

Redskyandrainbows67 · 21/12/2018 22:59

I think I’m with your oh. It would be rude if it was day before but I think as it’s a few days she’s just trying to ease your load

Bibijayne · 21/12/2018 23:00

Yeah. I think this is a misjudged helpful thing.

VashtaNerada · 21/12/2018 23:00

I think it’s rude! She knew you were making it and bought ones of her own?!!

FittonTower · 21/12/2018 23:00

Yeah, she's just trying to help would be my guess. Unless she sits eating it loudly proclaiming it's better than any home made muck then i don't think it's rude at all.

BigBairyHollocks · 21/12/2018 23:01

I think she’s just trying to be nice.Be happy with one less thing to do.

WhatwouldCJdo · 21/12/2018 23:02

Isn't she trying to be helpful???
Or is there a back story ?

CatToddlerUprising · 21/12/2018 23:02

Make the homemade ones- you can never have enough pavlova!

KC225 · 21/12/2018 23:03

Relax OP. There is never enough dessert. Seconds, thirds anyone?

user10001999 · 21/12/2018 23:03

She's being helpful it saves you a job .

Original poster
quepoe · 21/12/2018 23:04

I most definitely won't make an enemy, I will of course say thank you and show appreciation

But I'm still annoyed 😂

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 21/12/2018 23:04

Of course she’s trying to be helpful!
Unless you’re about to drop the dripfeed mother lode, why on earth would you think otherwise, and think it rude?

Original poster
quepoe · 21/12/2018 23:06

Ok thank you! I will probably make something different entirely so that I feel I've made enough effort, and as pointed out there can't be too much pud.

No backstory- although maybe there is, my husband is always telling me I'm being over sensitive perhaps he has a point Blush

OP posts:
Clarich007 · 21/12/2018 23:06

I'd just be glad to have 2 less jobs to do.!!
I think she's just trying to be nice...relax

AlpacaLypse · 21/12/2018 23:07

Since it's still only the 21st it was a reasonable assumption from SIL that you hadn't yet either made or pre-bought ingredients for the puddings. I'd let this one slip past (although I might make it anyway and eat lots of it over the next couple of days, last minute Christmas stuff gives me an appetite that's my story and I'm sticking to it).

E20mom · 21/12/2018 23:07

I think she's trying to be nice.

Wearywithteens · 21/12/2018 23:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

GetOnWithLife · 21/12/2018 23:09

I’d be happy with that, I doubt she’s saying she doesn’t trust your cooking, more that she wants to contribute and take away some of the work so your not stuck with it all.

Original poster
quepoe · 21/12/2018 23:09

I really feel like a twat now, but thank you I appreciate it. I might need to run a few more things past AIBU before I vocalise them to people in real life Wink

OP posts:
Amazonian27 · 21/12/2018 23:17

You sound a perfectly capable cook/hostess. SIL is possibly/probably is less capable/possibly less organised, maybe feeling guilty and maybe her way of contributing. It’s honestly not worth falling out over if at all possible. Could you maybe explain it’s easier on the phone than texting it’s really kind but i have already made both could she put hers or one of hers in the freezer as a compromise or if she reallly insists on contributing/bringing something suggest something that travels easier alcohol, vegetables, crackers, party games, table decoration or something.

DH’s Family are notoriously badly organised. If I buy food in to cook or cook they want to eat out. If we suggest eating out or getting a takeaway as they can’t commit to a day never mind an arrival time. MIL or SIL has a sarcy comment that she thought I/we would have cooked.

brizzledrizzle · 21/12/2018 23:19

Smile and make something else, she's trying to be helpful or she'd have just turned up with it instead of texted.

Ooplesandbanoonoos · 21/12/2018 23:20

Just trying to help I'm sure.
I am.now craving Pavlova...

LannieDuck · 21/12/2018 23:23

I would be annoyed too. You said 'no thank you' and she ignored you.

Original poster
quepoe · 21/12/2018 23:24

Well I have the eggs and cream and fruit, none of those ingredients could be put to any other use so I will have to make one tomorrow

OP posts:
Original poster
quepoe · 21/12/2018 23:26

Lannieduck - that is how I feel. I always offer to bring something when we visit friends and family - if they say yes I'll bring what they ask. If they say no I'll bring booze/chocolate/flowers or something else I know they will appreciate but would not interfere with their plans

OP posts:
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