Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy DD a new coat?

262 replies

LemonBeachTowel · 20/12/2018 18:46

More of a WWYD then AIBU. DD is 13 years old and is fairly fashion conscious. Last week she and DH went coat shopping and she came back with a coat that coat a fairly extortionate amount of money.
Anyway DD wore the coat to school last Friday. And now hates it. Despite being the coat of her dreams the day before. Apparently other girls in her class made comments about the coat and now she can’t possibly wear it ever again.
DH has said she can have a new coat and this is were the problems lies. I think she needs to carry on with her expensive almost brand new coat. DH wants to buy her another new coat. I tried to compromise and said she can have a new cheap coat or we could return the old coat and buy a new coat with the refund. However DD wants the coat to wear at weekends and doesn’t want a cheaper coat for school. I’m bored of talking about it with her! WWYD?

OP posts:
happychange · 20/12/2018 23:43

Sad poor coyotes

Santasushi · 20/12/2018 23:48

Why did you let her buy it?
What did you think would happen?

Perfectly1mperfect · 20/12/2018 23:52

If she wants to wear fur why shouldn't she.

I'm sure you actually do understand why so many people have an issue with people wearing fur so I won't bother to explain.

Clearly the girl doesn't want to wear it that much as a few comments from friends means she doesn't want to wear it to school.

youcanthaveitchyteeth · 21/12/2018 00:06

Sorry OP but I have zero sympathy at all. Who the f+*k spends that kind of money on a fur coat for a teenager. Unless you are millionaires in which case buy her a new one but not one supporting the vile fur trade

MaraScottie · 21/12/2018 00:22

This thread is mad. OP, you're doing your kid no favours by spending 800 quid on a fecking coat. That is beyond ridiculous and not setting her up with any sense of reality, or awareness of the value of money.... Not to mention the morals of supporting the fur industry.

PickAChew · 21/12/2018 00:28

Lesson learnt for all of you. Silly money for an unethical choice. We're you expecting her friends to be universally impressed, or something?

Huntawaymama · 21/12/2018 00:31

If your child wants to wear real fur out of school then she should wear it in school to and not pretend to have morals to her peers.

stayathomer · 21/12/2018 00:32

Your compromise sounds totally reasonable! If she wants the vpat then all you can do is get a cheap one! Oh and I totally feel her pain, I was once laughed at and slagged in school for weeks because of a coat I wore on a non uniform day.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 21/12/2018 00:43

www.peta.org/features/coyotes-killed-for-canada-goose/

Explain that the critiscisers are either hypocritical vegan types or very jealous of her

playdonut the OP can explain that if she wants but she would be very wrong. My DCs are 8 and 5 and they would be disgusted by the way these animals are treated. Teenagers these days are far more tuned into these things than many of us were twenty and thirty years ago. They are right to disapprove and getting a new coat now won't help DD. The damage has been done I am afraid.

As a side note sending your daughter into school wearing something that costs £800 is foolish. Teenagers lose things all the time and things also get stolen in schools.

Your DH sounds like he is spoiling your DD. He also sounds like a dick.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 21/12/2018 00:47

stayathomer did you wear a coat using materials which were obtained by torturing a poor defenceless wild animal and potentially leaving some cubs with no mother?

If so I am glad your peers didnt let you forget it.

EugenesAxe · 21/12/2018 00:47

Agree with what many others have said; eBay and use the proceeds.

I also agree with everyone who's pissed of that your DH gave way that easily; condoning waste and consumerism, and fuelling a sense of entitlement. It'll mainly be her generation that will be dealing with all the shit that comes out of waste and emissions mismanagement; I'd impress that on her a bit more.

If she's being chastised because she's wearing fur I have little sympathy. I was geared up to be cross with the girls for driving someone else to behave so shallowly, but they have a point. The way your DH has behaved at every point - from not getting any 'real fur' alarm bells on purchase, to allowing your DD to respond the way she has, makes him a worrying role-model. I think you need to redress this first and then help your DD develop more of a 'global citizen' outlook on life.

Sometimes when I read things like this it reminds me of Nanny McPhee 'You may do whatever you like, if you accept full responsibility for your actions...' - all these people epitomising beliefs of 'I have wealth! I can please myself! I don't have time to recycle or mend!' can certainly think and act that way, but in 20 or so years time, when they may be forced into living vastly different lives because of the planetary backlash, I wonder if there'll be regrets. IMO there needs to be a sea change now, which makes all families step up to their environmental responsibilities.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 21/12/2018 00:55

Your DH could have bought her a £30 next coat and given 40 homeless people a bed for the night on christmas day.

I can't decide what i object more to, the fur or the cost. What a waste!

Monty27 · 21/12/2018 01:37

This seriously can't be..

Serious Hmm

Categoric · 21/12/2018 01:42

People are really hypocritical here. I don’t wear fur but I don’t eat meat either and I laugh at people who make a huge deal of fur trading and then buy meat or poultry farmed in horrific conditions. Just because the furry animals and their cubs are more attractive than pigs and chickens doesn’t make it their lives anymore worthwhile. And as for the dairy farms, that is really no better. Intensive fish farming is bad for the environment plus the fish live in a mixture of their own shit and industrial quantise of chemicals.

If we are going to jump on the animal cruelty band wagon, let’s at least be consistent.

Lots of jealousy over the price of the cost too. If it was my daughter and I had the money, I would buy her a second coat. The OP can obviously afford it and has no moral issue with the fur.

The OP should acknowledge that it wasn’t sensible of her DH to buy a coat for her DD that was so expensive and provocative for school. His mistake, he can fix it by buying a second coat.

And loads of kids are bought expensive things these days. They are not all brats. Personally I can’t afford to buy my DC the latest iPhone etc but plenty of their friends have expensive tech and they are lovely kids. I don’t begrudge other people buying things that I can’t afford. It’s unpleasant.

MrsTerryPratcett · 21/12/2018 01:55

If she wants to wear fur why shouldn't she.

Absolutely. And she can deal with people who think it's unethical.

FWIW, I'm not 100% opposed to fur. I work with a lot of First Nations and fur is very environmentally friendly for them in a cold place. But they hunt and eat the animal and use the fur.

Kids poncing around North London wearing coyote fur in 10 degree weather is ridiculous.

llangennith · 21/12/2018 02:17

Buy her a cheap but appropriate coat for school and let it be a lesson to your DH not to buy her expensive stuff again.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 21/12/2018 06:10

I feel a little sick reading this thread. What are you teaching this child about the world? The message spending that amount of money, not to mention that it has the real fur from a dead animal attached, is quite obscene.

Please read the thread on holes in shoes. Even better, let your DH and DD read it.

What is the world coming to?

TidyDancer · 21/12/2018 06:47

Gosh OP. Out the window goes my sympathy I'm afraid. Sounds like the children at school have consciences and have called out your DD for contributing to the fur trade. That's not bullying and you shouldn't have presented this thread as if it was.

00100001 · 21/12/2018 07:09

@categoric - I agree

No moaning abut fur, if you buy "bog standard" meat... eggs.... milk etc. it's all similar. the way the animal is treate is key (for me)

I'm not veggie, but "high-welfare omnivore". I try and do my bit, as a result it means that we havenot much meat, have to pay more for eggs and milk etc and as such often have alternatives.

but then, where does it end? Can, I hand-on-heart prmis that everything in my life is ethically sourced? Probably not :( e.g. the laptop I'm on now - no idea where it was made or what kind of workforce made it :/

Sonneedshelp · 21/12/2018 07:15

@MrsTerryPratcett

What she said!

Bloody ridiculous buying her the coat in the first place, the fur, the cost etc.

Not sure why you think you can return it after it's been worn, why would someone want your cast offs!

cloudtree · 21/12/2018 07:21

Im going to go against the grain and say Im a bit surprised she's been bullied for having a fur trim. Whilst people of my generation (brought up in 70s 80s) saw the fur campaigns and are generally anti fur, the children of today think differently. The canada goose coats are extremely popular and sought after. Loads of them have hats with real fur pom poms. I suspect its a jealousy issue actually.

I was window shopping (whilst a friend spent ££££) in Harrogate a few weekends ago going into boutique stores. There was fur all over the place.

Original poster
LemonBeachTowel · 21/12/2018 07:25

She wasn’t bullied about it. One of her friends made a comment about it. Lots of the girls at her school actually wear the same type of coats.

OP posts:
goldengummybear · 21/12/2018 07:28

😵 at Canada Goose being "fairly extortionate"
My dd is popular with her peers and wears H&M. Her peers also wear high street labels like River Island, New Look etc

JamieFraser · 21/12/2018 07:38

I think you've over egged the pudding here... Superdry would have been more realistic

MiniCooperLover · 21/12/2018 07:46

So your DH let her buy an £800 coat and now he's willing to splash out again? What an idiot he is and what a brat she sounds.

Swipe left for the next trending thread