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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy DD a new coat?

262 replies

LemonBeachTowel · 20/12/2018 18:46

More of a WWYD then AIBU. DD is 13 years old and is fairly fashion conscious. Last week she and DH went coat shopping and she came back with a coat that coat a fairly extortionate amount of money.
Anyway DD wore the coat to school last Friday. And now hates it. Despite being the coat of her dreams the day before. Apparently other girls in her class made comments about the coat and now she can’t possibly wear it ever again.
DH has said she can have a new coat and this is were the problems lies. I think she needs to carry on with her expensive almost brand new coat. DH wants to buy her another new coat. I tried to compromise and said she can have a new cheap coat or we could return the old coat and buy a new coat with the refund. However DD wants the coat to wear at weekends and doesn’t want a cheaper coat for school. I’m bored of talking about it with her! WWYD?

OP posts:
ID81241 · 21/12/2018 07:49

This thread's crazy. I don't think you're at fault OP since you weren't involved in the purchase decision. Your DH should have checked with you before buying a coat that expensive for your DD. Genuinely curious, since you don't seem to have too much of a problem with the price, how are you teaching your daughter the value of money long-term? I think this is something you and your husband should both think about.

There's a small opportunity here... like you said she can take off the hood and you insist she continues to wear the coat. This will also be a small lesson in character and owning and experiencing the consequences of your decisions without always having mummy and daddy to bail you out.

I too was bullied for what I wore during school because we were poor and my mother couldn't afford new uniform if my things disintegrated through wear (Not because I didn't like them) so I had to sometimes wear my brother's hand me downs (bearing in mind boy's school uniform was different). However this taught me character and also gave me a true sense of the value of money. I also became very independent and started working part time at 14 so i could afford new uniform (And days out with friends). I think these are good lessons to learn for life (ultimately teaching resilience) but it starts by letting her go through being on the receiving end of such comments without having to spend money to try make those comments disappear.

Lettermethis · 21/12/2018 07:56

Such a drip feed!

Daughter chooses £800 fur lined coat, friend at school calls her out on unethical choice, daughter wants another coat to wear in front of friends.

Her choice, her consequence. But if you've got plenty of dosh just get her another one. She's already spoilt.

JustDanceAddict · 21/12/2018 08:02

Real fur?
Have lost my sympathy now I’m afraid. That’s not being bullied, it’s standing up for the fact real fur is vile.

Imalittleelf · 21/12/2018 08:08

According to the website the fur is said to be ethically sourced etc. Can anyone tell me why it isn't or what the problem is with this particular brand? (Not looking to buy... I get my coats from mountain warehouse but just generally interested for my course on sourcing and trading )

MsHopey · 21/12/2018 08:09

I can't believe there are 13 year olds walking around in coats more expensive than my car!
Madness.
No wonder people think Superdry and next are cheap and cheerful next to Canada goose prices!

icannotremember · 21/12/2018 08:12

Hang about, £800? And you wonder why she's the sort of kid who thinks it's acceptable to demand a second very expensive coat? What on earth do you and your DH think you're teaching her?

Bobswife39 · 21/12/2018 08:17

My DD left her coat at a party (completely my fault as I picked up the wrong coat when we left), replacement coat cost £15 in Asda, I can't believe anyone would want to pay £800 for a coat (and for a child!!). What an extraordinary waste of money 😳

TrudeauGirl · 21/12/2018 08:25

Real fur is horrific sorry, i'm not surprised someone disagreed with it. It's cruelty.

Soubriquet · 21/12/2018 08:26

£800 would pay my rent for the month and have some spare left over to pay council tax, tv license, water and top up the gas and electric meter

Lockheart · 21/12/2018 08:36

I think spending £800 on a coat for a teenager who will grow like a week is silly, and like many posters I’d be buying her a £20 replacement from Asda if she’s lucky, but I can’t understand the problem with the fur in this particular case.

If the problem is that animals are killed solely for their fur, then I have no idea why leather is socially acceptable, as most of our leather comes from cows which aren’t destined for the meat industry but are bred specifically for leather. So precisely no different in that regard.

If the problem is the horrendous atrocities in Chinese fur farms (which I agree are awful) then that’s not relevant to fur which comes from licensed hunters and trappers in N America.

I’d bet the entirety of my pay packet that everyone on this thread saying how evil fur is are not all strict vegans. If you wear leather or eat cheap imported meat then you’re really no more superior ethically than someone who wears a Canada Goose coat.

WaxOnFeckOff · 21/12/2018 08:46

Anyone think that we have 3 idiots looking for a village?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 21/12/2018 09:10

That coat would have been sent straight back to the shop had my husband lost his mind and bought it for one of ours.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/12/2018 09:26

I don't think the money is the issue - you're obviously very wealthy and if you're happy for hundreds of pounds to get lost, ruined etc then that's your choice. If she's in a school surrounded by other wealthy families you're unlikely to be getting her a coat from Asda.

However she needs to have the courage of her convictions. She picked it. She either sells it, wears the old one short term and buys one with some of the left over money or she wears it or she goes cold.

And do show her the article uprgread so she can at least understand the implications of her decisions

DeadButDelicious · 21/12/2018 09:41

Honestly? I would of turned my husband right round and made him return the coat before it had the chance to be worn but that ship has now sailed.

I'd be having strong words with my husband about the kind of lessons we were teaching. I'd also be disappointed that my daughter had thought it ok to buy fur and would use it as an opportunity to teach her about where fur comes from, even the so called 'ethical' fur.

If the fur is detachable then I would remove it and make her wear the coat seeing as it now couldn't be returned and it cost so much money. She chose the coat, presumably she was aware of the controversy surrounding it and was ok with it (still is seeing as she wants to keep it) till it was pointed out by one of her peers. A lot of money was paid for it and now because someone has pointed out the ethical considerations, she only wants to wear it at weekends. She has a choice, she wears it or sells it and use's that money to purchase another more appropriate coat. Rolling over and buying a second new coat whilst letting her keep the other will send all the wrong messages.

crispysausagerolls · 21/12/2018 09:43

People on this thread condoning bullying a teenager (and themselves bullying the OP) for having different ethical standards from them is highly hypocritical and hilarious.

crispysausagerolls · 21/12/2018 09:46

Categoric

Yes!!!!! Yes to everything you have said!!!!! I really hope people being so unpleasant re the fur are vegans and have never worn leather or otherwise. Pretending that most normal meat etc is obtained under more pleasant circumstances is cognitive dissonance and stupidity beyond belief. And I say that as a meat eater.

Lots and lots and lots of jealousy on this thread.

PrettyLovely · 21/12/2018 09:59

@crispysausagerolls its not bullying someone to not agree with the fact they wear fur and to voice that opinion.
Stop pulling the bully card.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 21/12/2018 10:03

Bullying? Bollocks to that.

3WildOnes · 21/12/2018 10:34

I honestly can’t believe that lots of people in her school wear £800 coats! I live near plenty of private schools and haven’t seen any teenagers wearing Canada goose coats.
I think there is a lot of hypocrisy on this thread too. I don’t believe that all of those so against fur only buy organic meat and ethically sourced down duvets.
I only buy organic meat and dairy and try to only eat small amounts for environmental reasons. I would wear a Canada goose coat.
Some of you sound gleeful that a girl was bullied for wearing fur. I wonder if you’d feel the same if it was your child being bullied for eating meat from the school canteen.

Bluelady · 21/12/2018 10:42

It's not the same as eating meat. Real fur has been a taboo since I was a teenager and I'm a pensioner now. It astounds me that any brand still uses it.

I'm sure there are lots of £800 coats floating around at private schools. If you can afford the fees for a top private school, an expensive coat is a mere bagatelle. It's clearly the fur that's the issue and this is a great opportunity to teach that lesson.

pfwow · 21/12/2018 10:42

Buy her another coat. You clearly have money to burn and your husband at least has no sense. Pick her one up from Next and move on.

Lockheart · 21/12/2018 10:46

@Bluelady you’re right, fur is not the same as eating meat - fur will keep you warmer and will last you much longer than a couple of sausages or a burger will. Fur has a much higher return on value than meat.

3WildOnes · 21/12/2018 10:48

I might be taboo but I personally don’t think it’s worse than eating factory farmed meat or wearing leather.

Imalittleelf · 21/12/2018 10:50

I have been thinking about the fur issue and wonder if anyone has considered why fur is worn. Admittedly in the UK the climate doesn't get cold enough but in countries where it does fur is the perfect material to keep warm. There is a reason Inuits wear it, and why animals have fur for warmth.

I am not saying that illegally sourced fur is good far from it, however legally sourced and ethically sourced fur and hide surely is not a bad thing and in fact provides the protection from the elements that some people need?

Bluelady · 21/12/2018 10:54

This - from the 1970s - puts it into perspective.

To not buy DD a new coat?
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