Putting men before DCs

[Write]

I expect to be flamed but I’m beyond caring at this stage, sorry if that sounds goady!

I know so many women in real life who have jeapordized their children’s quality of life for a new men and sadly I know a few who have endangered their children too. I feel like banging my head against a wall!

A relative of mine has just moved her two DCs away from their schools, family and even got rid of their beloved dog to move halfway across the county with a man who has never worked a day in his life into his tiny filthy flat.
I’ve had friends allow (and be delighted) with brand new boyfriends minding their under 2 year old babies.

I can’t see how these otherwise intelligent women can be so blinded by love!

Jacqueshammer please don't try your amateur psychology.

Plenty of people feel offended when people insult their lifestyle, especially when it comes down to their children. It's nothing to do with how comfortable you are with your choices.

I didn't come for justification, I came to give a different point of view.

Fwiw I'm really pleased with how things have worked out for us.

I think it's more that entering the blended family situation should be done with a lot of care and thought. It shouldn't be rushed and it shouldn't just be assumed that everything will be ok.

Sheperds woukd you let uncles stay over?

@Write I know plenty of single mums, but none who have put boyfriends before their kids - quite the opposite, really. I hope you give some nicer pals, but I'm glad you have your own priorities sorted

Unrelated to who?

I am still waiting for someone to mention a situation that is unique to single parents.

Unfortunately it seems common, many folks do not want to be without a partner for more than 5 minutes, and rush into unsuitable relationships rather than take time to be more discerning and get to know the other person properly. Sad for the many, many children involved.

I know a woman who introduced her son to a man who she was having a fwb relationship with. They were sleeping together for about 6w in total before he broke it off. She introduced him to her son within less than a week of them seeing each other because that was the only way he could spend the night at hers.
After he stopped it she met another bloke and did the same, but she moved her and her son in with him an hour away from their previous home (And her son's father) within a few months. She's stayed with him despite him having an affair for almost the whole duration of their relationship, including him getting the other woman pregnant, and her catching them in bed together.

My neighbour with children has had and moved in and out, three "partners" in the three years she's lived here, two of them horribly aggressive and controlling. Yes I do judge I am afraid, her child has clear attachment issues. I am a single parent myself fwiw and have been for nine years. I've not introduced a man to my children in that time.

The defensive and self justifying posts on here are very iluminating.

Just screams 'Please make me feel ok about my choices, i need approval'

I agree.

Hi OP, I started a similar thread to this (became single parent with 8mo and still one now he is 3. No dates) and I had many women telling me how they met someone and 3 days later the bloke moved in and that it was all great and fine

Also, I've unfortunately had to use a contact centre and having a chat with one of the coordinators there she mentioned that one of the main reasons for families having to use the centre is that the mother has cut contact because she has moved on with someone else and wants the biological dad to basically disappear as the children have a new 'dad' now. I thought it would be DV which was my circumstance.

And I hate to say it - but paedophiles target single mothers. Which is why it is important the child is at least verbal before your lovely boyfriend who is so keen to baby -sit is left alone with the child.

And no one seems to have a boyfriend or girlfriend anymore, the person you date is immediately a partner. And all too commonly, procreating with every partner you have in life is de rigeur.

I seen Melinda Messenger on First Dates and she alluded to a previous relationship which went wrong so I had a look online and she met some bloke on a reality tv show she was on and moved him in with her two young daughters when she got back! He has a young child too. Didn't last very long. Now she is bang in love with someone she met on First Dates.

Other car crashed include Natasha Hamilton, Katie Price and Kerry Ketona who all claim that their kids are fine with the 100 stepdads they've all had.

A few men (friends and a neighbour) cracked onto me when they knew I was a vulnerable single mum with a young child; I stopped all contact with them. It's predatory behaviour.

This thread just gets more misogynistic by the second. The main reason for contact centres is because women want biological fathers to disappear so their children can have a new dad?

Oh the irony of coming here saying you had to use a contact centre because of DV, yet slating other women for allowing a boyfriend to meet her children.

It really does beg the question of why you had a baby with someone who was violent. Why didn't you get to know the person properly first before bringing a child into that situation?

Pinknike Pregnancy is commonly known as an accelerator for domestic violence. How quickly did your new 'partner' move in?

This thread just gets more misogynistic by the second.

But don't you think the comment you posted 10 minutes later was misogynistic?

Things I’ve been called on MN for having a FWB who has never and will never meet my child:-

Whore
Bad mother
Desperate
Slag

All for refusing to engage in a “traditional” relationship because I don’t believe it’s in mine or my daughter’s best interests.

Oh I forgot

Tacky
Sleazy and
Delusional

I know a woman who split with her children's father after a long period of time and it was fairly amicable. She has a boyfriend she has been with for the past 8 years who doesn't live with her and lives some distance away. I thought this seemed the ideal solution. I think when they move in is when the problems start.