To regret helping a stranger

[regrethelp]

I was stopped by a lady in a 2 seater convertible that she forgot her purse in a building nearby. Building was locked and she had not enough fuel to drive all the way home (outside London).
She wanted money for fuel. She drove me to nearby ATM machine and I withdrew money to lend her.
She told me she is an artist, I can find her online. Only told me her first name. I trusted her and didn't check details. She said she comes to my area 2 times a week to work on a stained glass project.
She promised to call in 3 hours. It's been over 2 days I haven't heard from her.
I sent her text and called her and got no response (her number is valid, she gave me missed call for me to have her number).
I feel stupid. Amount is not that big (£40) but I told her politely I am out of work and would need money back.
I usually help people (friends/family)going out of my way and most times I have found those people unappreciative.
I don't want to chase the lady but I feel very upset for being taken advantage one more time. I am feeling worse also because I am in abusive relationship and already feel pretty depressed.

Summergems yes I understand the difference and the folly of getting into the car. I was trying to say how easy it is to be caught on the hop by a stranger, particularly as the OP is already depressed and probably not at her sharpest.

Well this incident has prompted you to come on here and end up being told by dozens of people that you're putting your safety at risk. Hopefully you'll realise never to be in that position again. So you've learned something very important and it's cost you £40 👍

Even if you're not religious, you might get something from this.....

Hindsight’s a wonderful thing. My first reaction was that I’d probably have accepted I was GIVING money to this stranger. But these people and situations can catch us in odd ways. You were kind & did nothing wrong and probably won’t fall for that one again. Hope you’re ok.

Hi OP this kind of scamming happens all the time, when I worked in city centre they would approach you outside the train station and give you a sob story about how they’d lost their ticket etc. You just need to be a bit more savvy about these things. You weren’t the first and you won’t be the last to fall for this. But please please never get into a car with anyone again.

I got scammed for £40 recently too! Not the same story. And I realised I was being scammed at the time, but just decided to go with it.

@79andnotout Why on earth would you continue to go along with it when you knew you were being scammed?!

Op has been a victim of crime. Con artists get away with stuff like this because they are extremely skilled at it. Probably sociopathic. Its not kind to kick someone who is clearly down and a little vulnerable at the moment. She was probably targeted exactly because of this - the con artist could sense the vulnerability. People like this are sharks who know exactly who to prey on.

You have lost forty pounds but hopefully have learnt a much more valuable lesson. You deserve more than this and should no longer be willing to be the victim of another, whether this is your husband or a villain on the street.

I heard a very valuable phrase recently - 'You should never set yourself on fire to keep another person warm'. Start taking caring of you. You are worth it.

Sorry OP, definite scam. If she had an iphone there are about 10 different ways she could pay for fuel, or ask a friend or relative to help. You did a very kind thing don't be hard on yourself.

Westfacing the thing is that every scammer has their willing subject even the Nigerian prince wanting to launder his money through someone’s bank account although a lot of those scams are actually based around greed of the scammed party as they see the millions they’ve been promised in return, the same as e.g. the “you’ve won the lottery you never entered” ones.

And with every scam there are those who cannot believe how stupid the scammed party have been to fall for it. So even the person who would have handed over a fiver out of their wallet might think the OP was stupid to get into a car and go to a cashpoint, someone who might go to a cashpoint ight still think that someone handing over their cash to a Nigerian prince is stupid and so on.

Years ago I fell for the one where the ex cons come knocking selling their household products. I had a couple of quid so I bought some kitchen cloths or something, wished them well with their rehabilitation and they went on their way. It was only later that a friend who is a probation officer told me that these people are not sponsored by the probation service as they’d claimed. To be (slightly) fair the products weren’t actually of too bad quality, and unlike in some other areas where I’ve since heard stories of how people are sworn at and abused for saying no, the people who had come knocking were polite enough and still are even if I say no to them which I now do.

Now I do say no, as I’ve heard that they’re often around casing the area etc, but I send them politely on their way and wish them well in their rehabilitation. But I can see how people still fall for it because if the people knocking are polite enough then you might hope they do alright iyswim.

Similarly I can see how someone might hand over a couple of quid out of their wallet in certain circumstances. But I am not wrong for thinking that being driven to a cashpoint is stupid and playing with one’s safety any more than someone is wrong for thinking that handing over details to the Nigerian prince is stupid even though there are people who do fall for those scams time after time.

@Dongdingdong because they were in a bad way and I felt sorry for them. I knew their story was a lie (needed train fare to get to their mums house as father had kicked them out), couldn't walk them to the train station to buy a ticket as it was 15 minutes away and I was late for work, but they were young and looked in need, and I'd just been paid. Sometimes it's hard to say no!

Op: you did a lovely thing so please don’t be hard on yourself.
It’s so easy for people to say ‘why did you do that?’ but in the heat of the moment things can just happen.
I remember a few years ago I was walking home at about 1 in the morning & a woman ran up to me & said she’d just fled from her flat because her partner was hitting her. She asked me if I could help her get to a place of safety ( her friends a few miles away ) so I called her a cab & paid for it as she was literally standing there with nothing.
It cost me £15 which I knew I’d never get back, but there’s no way I could have just walked away from her.
It could have been a scam? Maybe she just wanted a free ride home, but I’ve never regretted helping her because it could have been true.
I know this is slightly different to you experience, but I gave a complete stranger money.
I hope you have a lovely Christmas

A few weeks ago I made a stupid mistake. I was going to an event in the town centre. I didn't have any pockets in my clothes so I just took my phone (which is slim enough not not notice it stuffed into the side of my bra and a credit card. The car park I was planning to park in, you can pay by credit card with a contactless tap and I have done so before. unfortunately that carpark was full and I parked in a less familiar one but I looked at the payment machines and I thought I saw the contactless logo so went off to the event happily.

when I got back to the car park at midnight I found I had been mistaken. what I thought was a logo for contactless card payment was actually for the users of some kind of season-ticket scheme. The machine didn't accept credit cards.

unfortunately as I only ever use that card for small contactless purchases, I had no idea of the PIN.

I was genuinely stuck

I tried to psych myself up to asking strangers to borrow a fiver so I could get my car back, and obviously would have paid them back.

however, the sheer embarrassment of doing such a thing, combined with the knowledge of how many scams operate in this way, meant I couldn't even try.

I got a taxi home, got cash from DH, got the taxi back into town and got my car back. cost of £20 lost due to my idiocy.

having been in this kind of situation myself I think I am even more convinced than ever that it's pretty much always a scam.

Does being in an abusive relationship correlate to poor boundaries?

I'm in one too and I let people, even strangers get away with using me. It's hard to tell if anyone is genuine.

cloned
Please check your transactions carefully over the next few weeks, it is likely your card has been cloned, to add insult to injury. I know I've fallen for the "I need 37p for the rest of my bus fare" scam - well, I did the first time. Second time the same person approached me, I advised him to stop getting the bus if he could never afford to get home. The look of shock on his face

Anyone here from Bolton? There was a lad that used that same scam frequently - he would put on an accent, hang around near a cash point and say he needed money for a flight back to Canada. Used to see him a lot when visiting family.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst
You say you would never ever ever help anyone. You say it like you are proud

Where did I say that? I said I would never get into a stranger's car and allow them to drive me to a cash machine to draw out money.

Here's my actual post: "I can honestly swear that under no circumstances whatsoever would I get into a complete stranger's car and allow them to drive me to a cash machine in order to withdraw my own money to willingly donate to them on the basis of a sob story. Never."

Not the same thing at all as saying that I would never help anyone. Don't make up lies then attempt to attribute them to me

This has happened to me twice. One time outside a station, well dressed man saying he had lost wallet with ticket in, second time man came to the door when I was regnant saying his wife had been rushed to hospital in labour and his wallet was locked in the house, could I give him £20 for a taxi. It sucks, but I guess the flip side is maybe sometimes someone desperate is telling the truth?

I'd have laughed in her face...Why on earth did you do this? So many naive do gooders on here.

Surely no one is this silly.

[Eva scuttles away remembering the time she got locked out of the house early one day with dd1 in pram and no mobile or money and approached random strangers at the ATM for 20p for a phone call and now realises the whole town thinks she is an addict]

Can't believe the earlier comments on this thread. How unkind. Everyone is susceptible to being scammed, but it's the shame that stops victims reporting it, subsequently the scammers don't get caught. If your first reaction when someone tells you this has happened to them is to say "your an idiot, this would never happen to me" you are helping the scammers get away with it in the long run!

A woman I work with has been on special training courses to spot scammers as in her job the regularly call her. I enjoy listening to her wheedle them out as they start using all the old tricks that she knows about. But, even she has been scammed before!

Go to the police op. This woman has done it before. And as it's worked she'll do it again. At least it will get her on their radar.

I experienced something years ago. I gave a fiver to a lady who was begging with her baby on a bridge in London. It was bitterly cold, made me a bit sad to see them. She asked if I had any more, I said I didn't. She then offered to take me to a cash machine so I could get more money! I declined.

The bit that stands out OP, which I'm not sure you've addressed yet, is the concern about you getting into a strangers car. The money is nothing in the grand scheme of things, but to risk your personal safety so horrendously, is not "kindness" as some posters have said. It shows a massive lapse in judgement and incredibly warped personal boundaries.

You should learn something from this incident - I'm just not sure the lesson here is about the cash.

Not only was that a scam, this is obviously a scam too. New poster or name change, naive to the point of stupidity, in an abusive relationship? It ticks all the boxes, right down to the not slightly off written English and faux outrage. Of course op doesn't "ask" for money, that would be too obvious. All part of the scam.
Load of old bollocks. Yes I have reported.

I gave a fiver to a lady who was begging with her baby on a bridge in London

Well, what an absolutely idiotic thing to do. The UK isn't quite that destitute yet that babies are living homeless on the streets or starving. Unbelievable.