To regret helping a stranger

[regrethelp]

I was stopped by a lady in a 2 seater convertible that she forgot her purse in a building nearby. Building was locked and she had not enough fuel to drive all the way home (outside London).
She wanted money for fuel. She drove me to nearby ATM machine and I withdrew money to lend her.
She told me she is an artist, I can find her online. Only told me her first name. I trusted her and didn't check details. She said she comes to my area 2 times a week to work on a stained glass project.
She promised to call in 3 hours. It's been over 2 days I haven't heard from her.
I sent her text and called her and got no response (her number is valid, she gave me missed call for me to have her number).
I feel stupid. Amount is not that big (£40) but I told her politely I am out of work and would need money back.
I usually help people (friends/family)going out of my way and most times I have found those people unappreciative.
I don't want to chase the lady but I feel very upset for being taken advantage one more time. I am feeling worse also because I am in abusive relationship and already feel pretty depressed.

@79andnotout wgat was the scam

Can you imagine the aibu thread?

“My dp has come home tonight and told me that he gave £40 to a woman in the street because she lost her wallet. Not only that, she drove him to a cashpoint nearby where he drew the money out and gave it to her. I knew nothing about this. While I can see that he might have handed over some cash out of his wallet, I’m really not happy that he has essentially given £40 of family money to a stranger by drawing it out for her at the cashpoint. He’s tried to contact the woman who said she’d pay him back and she’s not returned his calls/texts. Have told him it’s a scam but he won’t have any of it. Aibu to be annoyed that he actually drew family money out of the bank for this? Am now terrified that the scammers have likely cloaned his card.”

Would people be responding that the dp had done a lovely kind thing and that the OP should cut him some slack? Somehow I don’t think so.

The thing is that a lot of scams are based around people’s wish to do a good thing, even the ones based in foreign countries where they talk of how they are living in oppression and could someone help them get their money out etc etc etc, or the ones who meet up on internet dating sites and talk of their terrible situation and how they can’t do x or y and before you know it some gullible woman who has fallen head over heels with a personality has handed over her life’s savings over a period of time. They’re all designed to play on someone’s sympathy, and everyone’s level of sympathy has a limit.

But rather than praising people for doing a kind thing people need to see more and more that the world is full of people who will take advantage of that, and for everyone who falls for it they create more opportunities for the scammers to continue.

It’s a sad fact that we need to be cynical before thinking that we’re doing a kind thing. Because far more people are out to con you out of your money than aren’t. In these kinds of situations anyway.

This woman was driving a fancy car, had an iPhone, in this day and age an iPhone opens up a whole world of ability to be able to have access to money. And the absolute truth is that a decent person would never ever stop a stranger in the street and offer to drive them to a cashpoint to draw out cash for them. Never.

If she was parked in London then she will have had to pay parking charges as well, so how did she pay for those? She didn’t have a wallet but had an iPhone? No handbag then? So she walked out with her phone and car keys in her hand? Or had had her wallet out in the building and left it behind - why?

The stories on this thread of where strangers have helped people out have been of people giving them a bit of cash or buying them a ticket to somewhere. That is vastly different to asking strangers for money and offering to drive them to cashpoints in order to give it to them.

You are very lucky you weren’t beaten for your card and identity details.

Such a kind hearted thing to do, like others have said karma will come around

Be kind to yourself look at the women's aid site in terms of your relationship. check out the freedom programs, I think you can it online, it will change your life!

Your stating it's an abusive relationship,that is all you need for now.

Go well

OP.

Seriously.

Have a word with yourself x 1000

My husband got approached by a beggar once. He was about to give him money and I said if it involves you going to the ATM then no.

I felt guilty for not helping but you gotta stay safe and about your wits at all times.

There are some really horrible posts on this thread. OP has accepted it wasn't a very sensible thing to do and has said she wouldn't do it again. Why do some people feel the need to keep going on at her.

I think I recognise some of the usernames from other unkind posts though so don't take it personally OP, kicking others whilst they are down may be a hobby to some.

You are very lucky you weren’t beaten for your card and identity details.

My judgment was off after a couple of head injuries sustained in accidents so I stopped carrying a card that would allow me to withdraw cash.

I've never in my life withdrawn cash on a credit card so that was my strategy for dealing with scam-like approaches when I knew I couldn't fully trust myself. Not carrying a debit card also meant that I didn't have bank account details so couldn't readily be chugged.

I did occasionally worry that being unable to withdraw cash might lead to violence (I assume I could have done with the credit card but it would be so out of the ordinary that I expect the issuer's Fraud Office would flat it very quickly).

I could have been very wrong but it was the best that I could manage at the time.

Sorry you have been scammed OP and just chalk it down to experience. I would try the phone number again and report to the police. Did you take note of the reg of convertible or see the phone number on the iPhone? Stock response to people asking for money is no, they should call a friend/relative if they have a phone. Never get in a strangers car. I think you meant well but maybe as you are going through difficult times with your husband/unemployment your judgement was impaired. Sad world we live in but really you can't trust anyone you don't know personally and even then some let you down.

Unfortunately you can be too nice. I'm too cynical (and skint) to give money to anyone never mind a stranger. Sometimes having a bit of a hard exterior isn't always a bad thing OP.

@babysharkah
@Aquamarine1029
@candycreeper
@summergems
@Chloe84

Your posts are rude and unhelpful.
The OP explained that the scammer really didn’t seem like a scammer ( convertible etc). You make it sound like it was so obvious it was a scam and the OP is stupid for not seeing that.

I suspect the only reason you would never get ‘caught out’ by a scammer is because you would never help a stranger- even if it was genuine. You’re the kind of people that even if you saw someone in distress or need would just walk by, justifying it with ‘it’s not my problem/it’s probably a scam/it’s their own stupid fault they got themselves into whatever mess”.
I don’t just suspect you are those kind of people. I know it. And the reason I know is because of the coldness and harshness of your posts.
Even when it costs nothing to be kind - like in this situation- you aren’t. Let alone when it would cost you something. Sometimes little things reveal so much about people and the kind of spirit/attitude/character they have - you are all mean.
People like you don’t make the world better.

OP- you are kind. To lend someone money when it means a lot to you, to be that generous, is kind. But unfortunatly people out there can take advantage of that kindness. The person here who this situation reflects badly on is the scammer, not you. Your error was having faith in humanity and a kind heart. I’m glad people like you exist in this world. I just had a baby and it’s made me think about the world he’ll go into more and more. If he needed help one day and was lost, stuck, in need I would hope he would come across Some like you.

Though. As others have mentioned, I would urge you to make sure you take care of yourself even when helping others. Getting in a car puts you in a very vulnerable position. But I think you realise that now so I won’t repeat it!

@regrethelp - I'm so sorry your kindness was abused. Try to put it behind you and move on and enjoy Christmas - she's the arsehole, you're a good person trying to support a fellow woman but she was a scammer - they're clever so you were dupped- just don't fall for it again.

Ignore people on here - it's easy to be nasty and hindsight is a wonderful thing, this time you lost out and your kindness abused, hold your head up high, YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON this scammer is scum - enjoy your Christmas you're the good Samaritan here, just don't be again unless you know you'll get it back

As a naive twenty year old I was approached by a well turned out man in the train station saying he was in the army and on his way home to Dundee for a holiday but had lost his wallet.
Asked me if I could spare the cash for his ticket and he'd post the money to me when he got home.
Gave him £50 and he gave me details of his barracks at which point he asked me if i fancied going for a drink. Declined telling him I needed to get home.
Needless to say, monet never arrived.
Reported to police. They said it was a civil matter.
Penny Should've dropped when he mentioned going for a drink..
I must've been a right dizzy bastars back then

BTW that's not a dig at the op.
Sometimes peoples appearance and interaction can seem far too genuine/believable to be anything other than 100% honest.
Very easy to say you'd never fall for it. Many do. (penny shoulda dropped for me tho when he mentioned going for a drink. Especially since he'd seemed in such a panic about getting home 2 minutes prior)

It's one thing to help someone but the op had been absolutley stupid for jumping into the car. She could have been driven off anywhere and anything could have happened to her. Just utterly stupid.

SnuggyBuggy

I guess a con artist is a kind of artist

Do you think the whole thing was new type of performance art?

I can understand the OP being taken in. Many years ago I worked in Belgravia and one lunchtime I was stopped in the street by a 60-something, tall, groomed well-dressed chap (Aquascutum-type overcoat), impeccable English with a Scandi-sounding accent. He'd apparently just got out of a taxi and left his briefcase containing wallet etc behind.

He asked me for £10 for something or other, can't remember what he needed to do. I didn't have a spare tenner so was unable to help.

Years later just by chance I learned that he had form for this and was a conman.

Sorry to hear your kindness didn't work out this time op, there are some awful people out there doing what this woman did to you.

Take heart that you are a nice person and most of the time kindness is rewarded eventually.

Not trying to derail but I think you have had enough advice about not getting into strangers’ cars etc. I can see how the whole thing happened however, her story and the fact she gave you her real number sounded very convincing. I do worry that you are minimising the emotional abuse in your relationship however. I am not judging because I put up with it in mine too but it your partner losing his temper at you regularly and calling you names etc is still very damaging and you should be thinking about how you can remove yourself from this situation long term. You sounded more worried about getting the police involved because of his reaction than anything else and I am worried for you on this front. Maybe try to get some counselling on your own to help you see clearly that you don’t deserve how you are being treated. You can put the scamming incident down to experience and move on, but have a serious think about your relationship because your life could be happier if you are able to make a change there.

The best scammers make you believe you aren't being scammed.

Another common one is people showing you a handful of change say they're just 50p short for bus fare for a job interview or to get home. Who would scam someone out of 50p, right? They would. That's the scam.

You've been scammed.

I really wish people would apply some common sense before enabling these people.

Westfacing but there is a vast vast difference between someone who gives someone money which they potentialy already have on their person, and someone who potentialy tells someone that they have no money, and is then told “get into my car, I’ll drive you to the cashpoint to get some,” does so, into the car of a stranger, is driven to a cashpoint by them, (bearing in mind this is in London so there were almost certainly cashpoints nearby) and then draws out the money for them.

Given this happened in a city someone else would have come by in the next couple of minutes, there will have been cashpoints nearby which leads me to believe that a cashpoint will have been booby trapped and that the OP’s card (or anyone’s card who went there) would have been cloaned by now.

She had a phone on her. She could have called family or friends and just sat tight until help arrived.

Gobsmacked you just hopped into a complete strangers car.

Nonomore2 in your hypothetical situation I would assume it was a scam and no I wouldn’t hand over the cash. Scammers deliberately use extreme emotional tactics because they know that there are people out there who would never question them for fear of being branded bastards or for fear of having got it wrong.

But in the event of doubt there is an easy way around and an almost foolproof way of checking whether someone in your extreme hypothetical situation is legit.

So you meet someone by the side of the road who tells you that they need to get to the hospital to visit their dying relative for the last time. You can hypothetically afford to give them the money but you’re doubtful that it’s for real because you know that scammers do operate in this manner. But you’re afraid to be openly suspicious of someone in these circumstances so instead of offering them cash and opening yourself up to being scammed by giving them your personal details you tell them that you have no cash but it’s ok, you have an uber account, so you’ll book them a cab now from where they are to the hospital they need to get to, the cab will be paid for on your account and they needn’t worry about the cost, you were happy to help.

Any genuine person would be grateful for the last opportunity to see their dying relative. Anyone who turned down the offer of the cab in lieu of cash is certainly a scammer and you’ve had a lucky escape.