Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To regret helping a stranger

292 replies

regrethelp · 19/12/2018 19:58

I was stopped by a lady in a 2 seater convertible that she forgot her purse in a building nearby. Building was locked and she had not enough fuel to drive all the way home (outside London).
She wanted money for fuel. She drove me to nearby ATM machine and I withdrew money to lend her.
She told me she is an artist, I can find her online. Only told me her first name. I trusted her and didn't check details. She said she comes to my area 2 times a week to work on a stained glass project.
She promised to call in 3 hours. It's been over 2 days I haven't heard from her.
I sent her text and called her and got no response (her number is valid, she gave me missed call for me to have her number).
I feel stupid. Amount is not that big (£40) but I told her politely I am out of work and would need money back.
I usually help people (friends/family)going out of my way and most times I have found those people unappreciative.
I don't want to chase the lady but I feel very upset for being taken advantage one more time. I am feeling worse also because I am in abusive relationship and already feel pretty depressed.

OP posts:
79andnotout · 20/12/2018 08:22

Anyway, for anyone in the Manchester area (which has a really high number of homeless people and it's heartbreaking to see), Andy Burnham has set up a donation page: bedeverynight.co.uk

I'm donating to that now instead of giving directly to the homeless.

WilburforceRaven · 20/12/2018 08:28

No, not everyone is susceptible to being scammed.

Let's be real - scammers are not taking advantage of people's kindness. It's naivety they're after.
I couldn't see my self scammed in a similar situation, and ,thank you, I'm actually very kind.

This.

She had a phone. She can phone a friend.

As for 'karma' coming back for her, get fecking real!

Very silly to praise someone who put their life in danger and possibly their identity for their 'kindness'.

sar302 · 20/12/2018 08:29

@formerbabe
You're absolutely right! My only defence was that it was about 10 years ago and I was still young and naive 🤷‍♀️ My point was that it's easy to be scammed when someone tugs on your heartstrings. But there is a massive difference between giving someone a few pence from your wallet, and getting in a car with a stranger and risking your personal safety!!

ChocSprinkles18 · 20/12/2018 08:34

Woah calm down people!! OP you were generous and kind and were taken advantage of. I wish the world were more full of people like you than some of the posters on here!

MiaowMix · 20/12/2018 08:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SummerGems · 20/12/2018 08:42

The thing is that people only see what they want to see. So e.g. in your case sar302 the woman had the means i.e. a car, to be able to drive you to a cashpoint and yet she was out there begging on the streets? Cars are bloody expensive to maintain, tax, insurance, general maintenance, if one was so hard-up that you needed to resort to begging on the streets then the car would be one of the things which would need to go, surely?

Similarly anyone begging who has an iPhone for instance, we can absolutely all fall on hard times but when times become hard then one has to prioritise, and a car and an iPhone would not be a priority for anyone poor enough to be begging on the streets.

But obviously you just saw a woman and a tiny baby (which in itself is being abused in the name of the scam if she’s using it as a begging tool). But is designed to tug at your heart strings.

It’s one of the reasons why so many homeless have dogs, in some cases even a shared dog to aid the begging process.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 20/12/2018 08:45

I wish the world were more full of people like you

So do all of the scammers out there - it would be Christmas every day if there were more people willing to withdraw the contents of their bank accounts and hand it over without question.

sar302 · 20/12/2018 08:50

@SummerGems
No car. She was stood on a bridge. She wanted me to walk with her.

But your point is correct - it's all done to tug on heart strings. Because a lot of people will think, 'she could be fleecing me, but what if she's not?' And the 'what if she's not?' sometimes shouts louder.

These days I give to charities I know instead.

WilburforceRaven · 20/12/2018 08:51

I wish the world were more full of people like you than some of the posters on here!

Me, too! I'd take up a new career scamming people, would be far more profitable than most jobs and just think, no having to pay tax or NI!

NeedAGoodUsernameThatIsntTaken · 20/12/2018 08:53

You sound like a nice person OP and thought you were helping someone out.
Don’t be hard on yourself we have all done silly things in the heat of the moment.
It’s so easy for people to say "why did you do that?" afterwards.

maddening · 20/12/2018 08:53

I'll call her

dogdogdog · 20/12/2018 08:55

Blimey this is a roller coaster ride of a thread!

I'd Assume that she actually had Apple Pay on her phone (and/or) an emergency tenner in the phone case like Me 😇

Nonomore2 · 20/12/2018 08:56

@SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst
@wilburforceraven.
Obviously it doesn’t work when you have other people who would always seek to take advantage of other peoples kindness. There are always people who are quick to think about how they can manipulate, con and exploit others. That’s humanity. Sadly.

Nonomore2 · 20/12/2018 09:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 20/12/2018 09:07

It isn’t hard to deduce from your crappy reaction that you Probably aren’t a very helpful person.

Oh stop it. You know nothing at all about me, but are determined to pursue your belief that not voluntarily getting into a stranger's car to give them my money makes me a very bad person indeed.

Stop with the insults. Your 'deductions' are poor. Please stop lying about what I said and asserting that I am a cold, proudly unhelpful person. You're veering into personal attack territory.

MiaowMix · 20/12/2018 09:10

What would you do if you suddenly found yourself without money but you had your phone?
Beg for cash? Drive people to a cashpoint (in a convertible). Or, phone a mate?
🤔

SummerGems · 20/12/2018 09:11

Honestly the people praising the OP need a slap. It’s because of those attitudes that scammers like the one talked about in the OP are able to be successful.

There is absolutely no situation in the world where offering to accompany someone to a cash point so they can draw out money for them isn’t a scam.

I wonder, if the OP had offered to go with the scammer to the garage and pay for the petrol would she have agreed? Somehow I doubt it. As in my above post, if you offered to pay for the taxi for the person at the side of the road to visit their dying relative would they accept it? I’d bet money that they wouldn’t.

If that makes me a cold person then I’d rather be a cold person than a gullible mug. And again, as I said elsewhere, if my DP drew money out of the bank to pay some scammer I would have very serious reservations about ever having joint finances with him.

sar302 · 20/12/2018 09:11

@MiaowMix
That was literally my day yesterday as I went to do the final load of Christmas shopping and forgot my wallet. Apple Pay was a lifesaver!

Zoflorabore · 20/12/2018 09:13

Who said op is a troll?

The irony of this thread though was after reading the op, someone decided to be just as naive and offer money!

I class myself as naive and I wouldn't have done what op did as I simply couldn't afford to and wouldn't get into a random car BUT i can see why she fell for it.

Hope Karma bites the scammer hard on the arse. Stories like this do nothing for compassion towards others and those who are in genuine need of help.

Op I doubt you will get your money back so don't be too hard on yourself. You were put on the spot with a well tried and tested scam and did what you thought was right at the time. It will cost you in monetary terms but going forward will serve to remind you about how low some people are and you won't do it again. Expensive lesson learned Flowers

Toddlerteaplease · 20/12/2018 09:15

If she had an iPhone she could make contactless payments.

MiaowMix · 20/12/2018 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SummerGems · 20/12/2018 09:21

Ironically I actually don’t have Apple Pay set up on my phone but there is no way on earth that I would ever ask a stranger for cash. I can’t imagine a single situation where I would.

Lost5stone · 20/12/2018 09:37

OP I don't think the freedom programme is just for people in physically violent relationships, from what I understand it is about taking control of your life back, that can include non romantic relationships too. I think anyway! I don't want to be cruel but you seriously need to get more street smart, you could have been seriously hurt.

If it helps, there would never be a reason to give someone cash for fuel. I once left my phone and purse at home and drove over 60 miles and ran out of petrol. I managed to get to the nearest garage who let me use their phone, call my DP and get our card details and do a manual transaction. There is almost always a way to deal with it that involves not borrowing from strangers.

Yohooo · 20/12/2018 09:44

.

Zoflorabore · 20/12/2018 09:47

I told you is was naive!

Actually I do believe the op is real.
Sadly.