To regret helping a stranger

[regrethelp]

I was stopped by a lady in a 2 seater convertible that she forgot her purse in a building nearby. Building was locked and she had not enough fuel to drive all the way home (outside London).
She wanted money for fuel. She drove me to nearby ATM machine and I withdrew money to lend her.
She told me she is an artist, I can find her online. Only told me her first name. I trusted her and didn't check details. She said she comes to my area 2 times a week to work on a stained glass project.
She promised to call in 3 hours. It's been over 2 days I haven't heard from her.
I sent her text and called her and got no response (her number is valid, she gave me missed call for me to have her number).
I feel stupid. Amount is not that big (£40) but I told her politely I am out of work and would need money back.
I usually help people (friends/family)going out of my way and most times I have found those people unappreciative.
I don't want to chase the lady but I feel very upset for being taken advantage one more time. I am feeling worse also because I am in abusive relationship and already feel pretty depressed.

Plus £40 is such a lot of money. It’s not like she was asking for £5 (which I still wouldn’t give)

Also agree that you can be kind but not naive. I don’t want to be mean to the OP as she’s getting a hard time but this is a lesson learnt and really don’t ever get in to a stranger’s car!

I am always a little intrigued by this sort individual scammers. Not the random "have you got some money for my bus fare love" types; the folk that really get into character. The projection, the artifice the thrill of personal fantastical triumphs albeit at someone else's cost, well it's all a bit Walter Mitty isn't it.

Forking fruit loops.

Hope you're ok @regrethelp
You live and learn but rather than express chagrin at the loss of £40 I would instead be relieved that I had placed myself in a situation where my safety could have been massively jeopardised but that this did not come to pass. That you did that - getting in her car - is perplexing. You may well have never had the chance to post this.

I'd rather lose the £40 than what could have potentially happened getting into a stranger's car

The OP explained that the scammer really didn’t seem like a scammer

Can someone tell me how does a scammer look?

There is a difference between kind and generous and simply gullible.

OP I hope you learned from this really properly and will be more careful. Not only about money, but also about not appearing in newspapers as a murder victim.

Oh and also like pp says - £40 is loads of fuel. More believable to get £10 to get home.

Genuinely £40 is more than a full tank for me. An absolute emergency would need £10 to get out of the red and back home.

Yeah 40 quid is a full tank for me as well.

Im sorry you got ripped off, and of course its good to be kind and trusting to a certain extent, but not to random strangers in covertibles. Thats massively gullible than anything. Of course you wont see that money back.

Please also be wary of nigerian princes, and people calling you up worried about fixing your computer for you, and never give more than you can afford to lose

I think your lovely but don't give money or favours to strangers unless you're happy not to receive anything in return. Also, no more getting into stranger's cars!!! Did you parents miss the stranger danger talk with you?

I was a bit hesitant but thought how would she go home without any money for fuel

Walk, hitch a lift, Applepay, you did say she has an iPhone, call someone to come out and bring money, go to a service station and ring someone to pay over the phone (not too sure you can do that)

You weren’t leaving her in the middle of the Gobi desert without means or water to get to civilisation.

how's this for a response to future scam attempts :

"tell you what. instead of you taking me to a cash point, how about we both stroll to the nearest police station. you can repeat your story in the presence of a police officer and we'll find out if your story and description match any outstanding cases of fraud and obtaining money under false pretences that have been reported to them. if they give you the all-clear then I will be happy to lend you something."

"I made a mistake of trusting an old lady who seemed to be well off to dupe people for an amount as small.
But I did not suspect her at all as she was old."

OP... please please stop this 'old' business for people who are 60 or whatever. I don't know what you expect someone to be like when they reach 60 but we are not infirm, stupid, or even necessarily respectable because we are 60. We are just like you with experience .

we are not infirm, stupid, or even necessarily respectable because we are 60.

One of my aunts was in her 70s, with cataracts that made her an easy target, when she had her handbag stolen in a supermarket by a couple who were older. (It had been caught on CCTV. It turned into one of those things where they phoned, claiming to have found her bag. When my aunt went to the supermarket to claim it, the bag wasn't there and, in her absence, somebody used her keys to enter the flat. They took everything that could be moved.)

People who've been thieves for substantial parts of their lives don't necessarily stop because of age or even relative infirmity.

They get away with it because people feel embarrassed for being taken in.

It happened to my mum at Liverpool Street station. A man told her a long story about losing his wallet and needing to get home and just needed £10. Writing it down it sounds so obviously a scam, but he was a good actor - desperate with tears in his eyes and had an answer for every question. He gave her a number and said if she called later he’d get her address to post it back.

She gave him £10 - far more than she could afford at that time but felt so sorry for him. He was with her a long time building trust and of course he vanished and the phone never answered. She was then so embarrassed she fell for it.

These people do it for a reason - to find the kind people who want to help people.

Just learn from it and don’t beat yourself up.

People who've been thieves for substantial parts of their lives don't necessarily stop because of age or even relative infirmity

Exactly. Look at the Hatton Garden heist. It was pulled off by men aged 60 to 78.

I just found it strange that the OP thought the scammer was respectable because 'she was an old lady'. Your point above rings true but also it grates that you're called an old lady at 60.

There is absolutely no situation in the world where offering to accompany someone to a cash point so they can draw out money for them isn’t a scam.

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

OftenHangry

The OP explained that the scammer really didn’t seem like a scammer

Can someone tell me how does a scammer look

Well. The one that duped me was a trimmed, athletic looking immaculately dressed 30 something.
Groomed salesman type.
I suspect many of these type are actually selling themselves short and could make a hell of a lot of money if they chose to make an honest living.
Its got to be the thrill of the scam that makes many of them go down this route.
For all we know, some of them may just do it for that reason.

1Redacted1
You need to calm down, I didn't ask for any donations. I even said the amount is not big but I had told her I would want not back.

I am not asking for donations. I have enough savings to last me a year without a job.

What bothered me was being taken advantage of. Please stop speculating.

would want it back

Haven't RTFT but have you tried adding the number as a contact and then go on whatsapp to see if she has a picture of herself in her profile pic?

Oh, OP, what a pity that your kindness was abused by a scumbag like that. What kind of pathetic lowlife fleeces hardworking kind-hearted individuals?

I got asked for 20p at the hospital this week to pay parking. I had the coin so gave it to her. Looking back she was very sure about asking and didn't really say thank you. However a scam for 20 p is rubbish and I did see her put it in the machine. Glad she didn't ask for more as I was beyond tired after a week in hospital with DS and we've spent £70 on parking charges.

Stop with the insults. Your 'deductions' are poor. Please stop lying about what I said and asserting that I am a cold, proudly unhelpful person.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst

So only you have right to make deductions????

If this isn't an audacious act of sock-puppetry, then the irony is jaw-dropping.

Let's send money to the complete stranger with the sad story to compensate them for (allegedly) being taken in by a complete stranger with a sad story ... 🤔

You don't need to boil your blood because I have not asked you or anyone for any money. You are very invested in this thread with all your negative posts and trying to prove how much smarter you are. If you are very smart and believe in evidences than show me where I asked for money.

Also I am not defending old people = innocent people

In that moment, putting all things together and her age, and the fact it was dark outside, I decided to help a lady struggling to reach home outside London. I accept my judgement was wrong.

SummerGems and SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst

I haven't lied and I am shocked that people like you are trying so hard to proving themselves superior/smarter that they can't read that someone was reaching out for emotional support.

What if everything I wrote is true? Your superior smartness does not allow you to have a little sympathy for someone already having a shit time even if they admit they made a mistake, even if they admit they acted stupid.
I acted so stupid because I didn't even think in that moment clearly, I am depressed for other reasons.

Summergems you wrote such a long post at 2am and then continued with several posts from 7am. Why are you invested so much in a thread not affecting you?

I don't deserve this amount of hate. I have caused you both and other negative posters no harm.

I am very offended by this speculation that I was asking money when I didn't make this post about money. It was about being taken advantage of.

I don't want to chase the lady but I feel very upset for being taken advantage one more time.

Nonomore2 Thanks you so much for your kind words.

MissionItsPossible, she doesn't have any photo or information on WhatsApp. She told me her name is Vanessa and she was working on a stained glass project in my area.And that I can find her easily online. She wasn't sobbing/begging/ trying to gain sympathy. She sounded very calm and professional. I have to say she is an excellent actor.
I don't drive, so I couldn't figure out how much money should be enough. In the hindsight I acted foolishly. Well a lesson learnt.
I don't care for more money but I want her to learn some lessons for taking advantage of people. I will call action fraud to see if I can report her and give them her mobile number.

Plaster her number everywhere, possibly as a “helpline” number for people disgruntled with Brexit
That’ll teach her

Does anyone remember the two guys that did a series on BBC3?
They were ex street scammers if I remember correctly. They had a scam for everything.
Some of them very basic, others quite sophisticated.
These guys could get money out of a multiple murderer with a simple sob story.