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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be left out of a boyfriends Christmas event

343 replies

Leftbehind40 · 19/12/2018 10:35

Just that! Boyfriend of six months .. see him once or twice a week as we live half hour away from eachother. Stay over now and again. See him when suits him really as he has busy life but me, not so much. Anyway , he had big gathering of friends .. an annual tradition , at the weekend . All friends and their girlfriends there.. but not me ! I thought it may be a good occasion for me to be introduced to them and get to know them but alas, I was home alone . He said it because it was an hour away and they were staying
Overnight ... but I could have driven separately and would have loved to have gone to meet them. I am beginning to think I am
Not a priority. I was at home alone again over the weekend with nothing to do or nobody to meet while he was with his family, literally ten minutes down the road. He needs a lot of space clearly . We did spend a nice evening late last week( last minute atrangementby him) and he stayed overnight but left straight after breakfast. AIBU???

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 21/12/2018 21:50

Lady you did the right thing, you deserve so much better than this fake relationship Flowers

Honeyroar · 21/12/2018 22:00

Wishing you someone who cares for you and treats you properly in the near future. I hope you're not too down.

OldGrinch · 21/12/2018 22:09

OP where are you?

ferntwist · 21/12/2018 22:11

Well done OP. You deserve so much better. The New Year will be a good one for you. You’ve just started it with the biggest act of self-care possible and one that many women don’t manage (me included for years).

MyOtherProfile · 21/12/2018 22:11

Well done. That must have been really hard. Will he know that you have blocked him? I don't know if the other person can tell.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/12/2018 22:24

Reading your posts, it seems as if he was embarassed by you, and hiding you away. He was not committed to you, and just there for his convenience.

fetchmemyparasol · 21/12/2018 22:40

Now he has the chance to prove himself, it does not matter if you have blocked him he will find a way to contact you if he is interested.
Just be careful trust your instincts

mcmooberry · 21/12/2018 23:00

Just come across this thread and read it all in one go! Well done OP you can definitely be proud of yourself. Don't feel sad and flat, be happy that you don't have to think of him off enjoying himself leaving you alone. What sort of boyfriend wouldn't include you in as much as possible when he knows you are on your own?? Appalling behaviour and you absolutely deserve better. xx

Popc0rn · 21/12/2018 23:05

I think it's a bit harsh to dump and block someone you've been seeing for six months by text Confused.

Oakenbeach · 21/12/2018 23:15

It's only been six months. You're dating, not long term partners. Expecting to be integrated into his traditional friendship group and family gatherings at this stage is full on!

If after six months you’re not inviting your GF/BF to social functions with friends who also have their DPs there, it’s never going to happen (unless there’s a very good reason). You may not know them well enough to marry them at that point, but it’s hardly brand new either. I’ve never been in a relationship where I didnt meet friends after a month or so, or family after no more than 2-3 months, often less esp if we had mutual friends.

Original poster
Leftbehind40 · 21/12/2018 23:55

I’m at home alone with a big bottle of wine . I blocked him because I know he will torment me otherwise and I may weaken

OP posts:
Myheartbelongsto · 22/12/2018 00:11

This is awful op.

Binkyboi · 22/12/2018 00:12

I feel your pain OP. You look after yourself and have a fab new year xxx

AcrossthePond55 · 22/12/2018 00:58

Your last post confirms what a bastard he is!

Enjoy your wine tonight but be careful, remember that alcohol can contribute to bad decisions. Don't backtrack.

Livingoncake · 22/12/2018 01:15

Good for you, OP. I was in a similar “relationship” many years ago and never had the strength to do what you did. I wish I had done.

Now you can start planning how you’re going to make 2019 the best year for YOU.

Poloshot · 22/12/2018 01:35

Well done OP

daisychain01 · 22/12/2018 04:34

Expecting to be integrated into his traditional friendship group and family gatherings at this stage is full on!

No, it's having the self-respect to want to be recognised by people in that man's life as someone he is seeing, and deserving to have them want to give that recognition.

It's about choice and priorities. This man has chosen not to prioritise their relationship nor even to have the balls to state honestly what the basis of their relationship is. He would rather big-up what a great social life he has and how popular he is. For that, he doesn't deserve the OPs interest or attention.

It will be funny when his big fat ego takes a massive hammering from getting two fingers put up to him. Good riddance.

DrewBarryless · 22/12/2018 04:42

Good for you OP. You have so done the right thing. This next few days will be hard but it WILL get easier. We all have to deal with testing times in our lives (break ups, bereavements etc) and this is one of yours. Take comfort in the fact that we are all behind you and we are all proud of you and we are all rooting for you. Treat this as a new start xxxxx

primoestate · 22/12/2018 05:23

Are you ok this morning, OP?
Plan a nice day for yourself x

snitzelvoncrumb · 22/12/2018 05:31

I would expect to be asked after six months together. He may feel it's too soon, but it sounds like he isn't the man for you. Hopefully you meet someone amazing who has similar ideas to you.

Coyoacan · 22/12/2018 05:42

Regardless of him, I think you need to do some work on yourself. You need to develop a better network and some interests

I'm an old 'un now with no sex drive left, but what I am reading is someone with the whole world open to her, who needs to get out there and enjoy life. Maybe in the middle of winter, it doesn't feel like that, but if you were my daughter, I'd want you to get some qualifications in something you are interested in. If you plan on being a mother, you also need to have better earning power, for the security of your children. Also studying is a great way to meet people.

A friend of mine had a boyfriend like yours and when she finally split up with him she enrolled in lots of physical activity, swimming and dance classes mainly. She was over him in a month.

loubluee · 22/12/2018 06:09

Well done OP. I know it was hard but you have made the right decision, even if you feel over the next few days you’ve haven’t. Just keep reminding yourself what he has and has not done. I hope you have a nice Christmas and can feel a bit more relaxed not wondering all the time why he is treating you like this. It’s over with now. Make plans now for the New Year. Make a list of things you want to do, clubs you fancying joining. They will be extremely welcoming to new members and you will make new friends, and have a whole new social life. I know it’s easier said than done. But you can do it!!

ItsThisOneThing · 22/12/2018 06:20

Hope you're ok OP?? This was sad to read, he's treated you terribly and you sound like a lovely person.

You deserve so much better, don't look back.

OliviaStabler · 22/12/2018 06:47

Hi OP,

Well done Flowers Must have been hard but we'll done for getting rid of him. Now have a wonderful Christmas and look forward to a brighter new year. It will hurt for a while but you are worth so much more. Come back and read these replies if you start to waiver.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 22/12/2018 07:55

Morning op. Well done. I know it’s hard but I think you did the right thing. Put yourself first.

I totally agree with Pp saying to focus on you and what you want from life. It was very sad to read you feel so trapped with your work and home etc. Perhaps that’s why you hoped this guy would be the answer?

Find something to drive you, something you love, get studying/networking. Work on your future for you. No one else.

You sound lovely. You’re young (trust me!) you have your life ahead of you. Don’t settle. Use the time and energy you spent waiting for him working on what makes you happy. Take care