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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be left out of a boyfriends Christmas event

343 replies

Leftbehind40 · 19/12/2018 10:35

Just that! Boyfriend of six months .. see him once or twice a week as we live half hour away from eachother. Stay over now and again. See him when suits him really as he has busy life but me, not so much. Anyway , he had big gathering of friends .. an annual tradition , at the weekend . All friends and their girlfriends there.. but not me ! I thought it may be a good occasion for me to be introduced to them and get to know them but alas, I was home alone . He said it because it was an hour away and they were staying
Overnight ... but I could have driven separately and would have loved to have gone to meet them. I am beginning to think I am
Not a priority. I was at home alone again over the weekend with nothing to do or nobody to meet while he was with his family, literally ten minutes down the road. He needs a lot of space clearly . We did spend a nice evening late last week( last minute atrangementby him) and he stayed overnight but left straight after breakfast. AIBU???

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 20/12/2018 21:20

No you are not, sometimes you need people to confirm what you probably realise. YOu don't want to be his girlfriend of convenience, when he wants a quick shag, and to be sloppy thirds or fourths. You need a decent lovely guy, who will love and treat you how you deserve, and sorry this idiot is that that one.

ferntwist · 20/12/2018 21:20

What would we do without this site! It’s so powerful.

Original poster
Leftbehind40 · 20/12/2018 21:25

You know that when I started this thread to ask if was being unreasonable about his friends night that I was excluded from , I really didn’t think that it would come to this but none cats out of ten can’t be wrong ! I knew deep down that o was waiting for the invitations to various events that would never come , or a call to say he was free to spend time with me . Because I met his family and a few friends I thought it was progress but it really was a case of me pushing for it and him giving in . I felt important but I knew it was because I pushed it like I push for everything . I almost feel like he is doing me a favour. He pities me I think

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 20/12/2018 21:28

No you pity him, dumping his sorry ass will give you so much power and control back. Karma!

Original poster
Leftbehind40 · 20/12/2018 21:29

He will pick me up and his family will be waiting for me and I will dump his skinny ass on the journey to his house . Am I a complete bitch 😬

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 20/12/2018 21:33

I would arrange to meet in a neutural location, I would feel very awkward and vulnerable being in a car with him, that I cannot escape from. Or when he comes to pick you up, tell him sorry you will not be sloppy seconds or thirds anymore, it's over and slam the door in his face.

RagingWhoreBag · 20/12/2018 21:36

Raging, can I ask what his plans are for both of you for the holidays please

It’s been a bit of a bone of contention, which is why I identify with your situation.

He’ll be with his kids and ex early on, then making lunch for them, then visiting his brother later, which I have been invited to, so not entirely like yours, but it still feels like the most important people for him to spend time with on Xmas day are obviously his kids (as it should be) and by extension his ex as they share the day, then his brothers. Although I am welcome to join in for either of these parts of the day, I’m an add-on any way you look at it. Which when you both have kids is unfortunately what life looks like.

I have asked him to clear some time over Xmas for us, so we are exchanging our gifts to each other this weekend, but if I hadn’t mentioned it he would have just played it by ear, he doesn’t plan ahead and give me any notice of when he’ll be free. It’s all very much on his timescales.

Original poster
Leftbehind40 · 20/12/2018 21:39

Actually that’s a good point aero . Raging, that’s not easy 😢

OP posts:
RagingWhoreBag · 20/12/2018 21:41

I’m so glad you’ve found your anger at him. It’s shit but as you say, it won’t be much more or less shit without him given how little time he was giving you.

I almost feel like he is doing me a favour. He pities me I think. One of the plus points about that stupid rules book mentioned above is the idea that you’re the prize. It doesn’t come naturally to people like us to value ourselves, but you deserve more than crumbs from his table.

I have recommended Crazy Ex Girlfriend on Netflix to so many women on here over the past few months. It’s hilarious, with really funny songs - one of the most relevant is

RagingWhoreBag · 20/12/2018 21:43

I wouldn’t dump him on the way there as you then have to spend an awkward hour hanging out with him. Do it when he arrives and then binge Crazy Ex Girlfriend for the evening instead!

justme28 · 20/12/2018 21:48

He sounds just like my ex. Feeding me scraps of his time and only having 1 or 2 hours a week free to see me. I used to keep my whole weekend free every single week in case he decided he was willing to see me.

I'm not saying this is the case in your situation, but he got me so low, weak and so dependent on the promise of one-day commitment and it ended up being an extremely abusive relationship.

Whether this is the way your relationship is heading or not, you deserve better than someone who doesn't appreciate you and should be with someone who is proud to spend their time and show you off.

DistanceCall · 20/12/2018 21:51

Don't dump him when you are forced to spend more time with him. Just give him a call to cancel, and tell him that you won't be spending any more time with him.

No fuss, no drama. Just a quick end to it and move on to a fabulous life.

ferntwist · 20/12/2018 21:51

OP you’re about as far from being a bitch as possible. You’re in wrapping his presents while he’s out without you! You need to start putting yourself first.
Be prepared for him to promise things will be different and try to persuade you not to end it. Do you think you’ll be able to stay strong if that happens?

Original poster
Leftbehind40 · 20/12/2018 21:54

Just me .. this was me too. Phone onhand.. willing it to beep .. only to get a shitty generic text after a night out . Think they call it .. on the hook... and then just thrilled that I get the call maybe the next day at five o clock when the footie was over and he was bored . I am really pissed off right now . Him texting his mates then when he is in My house, eating my food and relaxing in front of my fire and me sitting there like a fool.. although the texting is only lately and he doesn’t bother to even shave before he sees me anymore

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 20/12/2018 21:59

Just call him and tell him it's over, don't put yourself in an awkward situation. It will be very awkward dumping him on the way and having to sit it out in the car and his relatives. Make it easy for yiurself!

Original poster
Leftbehind40 · 20/12/2018 22:01

im Getting bitter here ! You see I know he really likes to have me on his arm.. looks good to have a fawning gf in front of friends and family .. a plus one for the big occasion, but god forbid that outside of appearances would he reallly want me as a life long partner. Bastard

OP posts:
CraftyYankee · 20/12/2018 22:10

And you're returning his presents and buying something nice for yourself, right? 😁

Huskylover1 · 20/12/2018 22:16

Does he have a 12 inch dick? What am I missing here?

ferntwist · 20/12/2018 22:22

Good question! What was it about him that made you so into him?

Original poster
Leftbehind40 · 20/12/2018 22:32

I’m not sure . He is chatty and friendly and complimenting and loving when we are together . Will fill me fill of reasons why he can’t donthings together . Let’s just say he was all talk and no action

OP posts:
user1471590586 · 20/12/2018 22:34

You definitely don't want to be spending an hour with him and his relatives after breaking up. What happens if he refuses to take you back home in his car.

Original poster
Leftbehind40 · 20/12/2018 22:41

Oh he will he will make up some excuse!!

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 21/12/2018 01:18

Why on earth would you want to put yourself through the hell that will be Xmas Eve? Just for seeing the look on his face? Bollocks to that!!!
Dump him right now. Don't give a moment's consideration to how he'll feel, because chances are he'll feel nothing more than a shrug and an "Oh well, it was good for me while it lasted". It's not like when you were ghosted or broken up with by text, because you cared about the person dumping you. He doesn't care.

I'd text:

"I've spent this evening thinking about our 'relationship'. I've decided it no longer works for me and so I am ending it. Please do not contact me as I have nothing more to say about this. I wish you the best in the future".

clairedelalune · 21/12/2018 03:26

I agree with acrossthepond's text.
You'll feel so much better and won't be sat waiting another 4 days to tell him. 4 days! I couldn't wait that long. I highly doubt he will be fighting a break up, so don't put yourself through it . Give him the same amount of thought and care that he gives you.
I'd also get myself down the local soup kitchen helping out or buy a load of yummy food, some nice pjs and spoil myself for period- choice would depend on whether i wanted to be sociable or alone! X

clairedelalune · 21/12/2018 03:41

In fact i couldn't wait 4 mins