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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be left out of a boyfriends Christmas event

343 replies

Leftbehind40 · 19/12/2018 10:35

Just that! Boyfriend of six months .. see him once or twice a week as we live half hour away from eachother. Stay over now and again. See him when suits him really as he has busy life but me, not so much. Anyway , he had big gathering of friends .. an annual tradition , at the weekend . All friends and their girlfriends there.. but not me ! I thought it may be a good occasion for me to be introduced to them and get to know them but alas, I was home alone . He said it because it was an hour away and they were staying
Overnight ... but I could have driven separately and would have loved to have gone to meet them. I am beginning to think I am
Not a priority. I was at home alone again over the weekend with nothing to do or nobody to meet while he was with his family, literally ten minutes down the road. He needs a lot of space clearly . We did spend a nice evening late last week( last minute atrangementby him) and he stayed overnight but left straight after breakfast. AIBU???

OP posts:
anotherfail · 21/12/2018 10:27

Please do it today. I've been reading and I promise you this is the best Christmas present you can give yourself.
You won't feel better straight away but soon you will be happier and stronger and can start building your new life.
In the meantime you can chill, binge watch tv and eat chocolate and crisps. It's Christmas after all Smile
I'm sorry you're sad but you have the power to change this and make 2019 a much happier year.
Stay strong. Be happy and keep posting Thanks

woolduvet · 21/12/2018 10:33

I know it'll be hard and upsetting but it'll be great going into the new year knowing you're putting yourself first. Good luck

Davespecifico · 21/12/2018 10:35

Don't you dare give him the prezzies you wrapped for him. Take them back to the shop. Have a lovely Christmas. X

OldGrinch · 21/12/2018 10:39

Please OP don't put yourself in the situation of ending it Xmas Eve, you have several days to dread it and it's bound to be an unpleasant experience for you. He isn't emotionally invested in the relationship so unlikely to feel hurt in the way you or I would. What he will feel though is angry and humiliated and he may well lash Out and say nasty things to you, why put yourself through it? If you give him a call today you will feel upset after but the worst will be over. You have only been seeing him a relatively short amount of time and you can do this. Think how good you will feel taking control over things

Original poster
Leftbehind40 · 21/12/2018 10:44

That’s exactly what I’m going to do. Ring him later

OP posts:
OldGrinch · 21/12/2018 10:48

Go for it we are all rooting for you Flowers

WrapAndRoll · 21/12/2018 11:00

Just read through the thread. Thank goodness you're going to LTB. Right decision! Star Stay strong and have a good Christmas on your own terms ThanksXmas Smile

Yulebealrite · 21/12/2018 11:22

Leave a message and ask him to call you back urgently. Then you can speak to him rather than leaving a text message. If he doesn't ring back promptly then that is even more reason to dump him.

Don't be talked around though. You know you have to finish things, even if every fibre of you is screaming no. Promises are cheap.

Miffymeow · 21/12/2018 11:28

Been in this situation before, he probably isn't as into it as you are. Don't get stringed along, find someone who cares a bit more.

My current partner was so excited to introduce me to his friends and family, he was so proud to have me. Much different!

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 21/12/2018 12:05

Rooting for you op x

KatharinaRosalie · 21/12/2018 12:06

Be prepared though that he will come up with all kinds of excuses and promises. My 'too busy' guy always did whenever I tried to end it. Nothing changed though.

LightDrizzle · 21/12/2018 12:16

I recommend keeping it about your feelings and not his actions; how it’s been 6 months and you’ve realised it’s not really working for you. Sorry, he’s great company, but it’s a bit meh. Didn’t want to drag it on over Christmas etc. Best of luck. Fresh start in the New Year. No point in talking about it, you’re not going to change your mind.

If you talk about him not including you etc. It’s going to sound like you are angling for him do better, not really ending it, and you are into the “pick me!” dance. If there was a future, you’d be more involved in his life by now. I’d want to exit with dignity.

Yulebealrite · 21/12/2018 12:17

Yep. Good point lizzie

Yulebealrite · 21/12/2018 12:18

light Blush

WrapAndRoll · 21/12/2018 12:19

He may try to blame you and say you're too (insert characteristic) and it's your fault he does/says X.

Ignore and run Grin

Gina2012 · 21/12/2018 12:45

I recommend keeping it about your feelings and not his actions; how it’s been 6 months and you’ve realised it’s not really working for you. Sorry, he’s great company, but it’s a bit meh. Didn’t want to drag it on over Christmas etc. Best of luck. Fresh start in the New Year. No point in talking about it, you’re not going to change your mind.

Brilliant ThanksCake

fadehead · 21/12/2018 13:09

Yeah. Text. Do it. He’s not really earned face to face breakup. It’s childish but I’d be tempted to oh-so-subtly put the boot in too Blush I like the pp above’s line of things being a bit ‘meh’.

AcrossthePond55 · 21/12/2018 14:14

I agree, keep it about YOU, not him. Don't give him reason to argue back about the way he's treated you.

I think before you call him, you need to gauge your feelings as far as being susceptible to him getting round you emotionally. I mean, you are a 'convenience' for him, always at his beck and call. It may be that he won't want to give that convenience up too easily so will try to sweet talk you into putting up with his shit. What was that line from Beauty and the Beast about what to do to make Beauty fall in love; "Flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep?".

BumbleBeee69 · 21/12/2018 16:15

He deserves text ditching

MyOtherProfile · 21/12/2018 17:33

Have you told him, OP?

OldGrinch · 21/12/2018 19:27

Hey OP are you OK? Have you done it yet?

minionsrule · 21/12/2018 20:08

OP if you feel miserable afterwards listen to the Gabrielle song 'Out of Reach' (from Bridget Jones' Diary )..... this song got me through many a time, esp the last line. .... 'there's a life out there for me' Flowers

TemptressofWaikiki · 21/12/2018 20:53

Good luck OP.

Original poster
Leftbehind40 · 21/12/2018 21:44

Done . Text after ringing twice. Blocked and deleted . Thanks . Very sad

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 21/12/2018 21:50

Good on you, onwards and upwards I say! Now you can enjoy your Christmas. Not a nice boyfriend.