Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is NOT high maintenance

308 replies

Highorlow · 19/12/2018 10:09

NC For this...Went out for dinner and drinks last night with friends. And as we’re sitting chatting, friend A asks have I had my lashes done)? Me...yes I got extensions for the Christmas period (as I usually do) , conversation leads on to a full scale what else have you done then??then me saying that I usually get my lashes, hair and nails done at Christmas. Hair I usually get styled 3-4 times a year. Nails I get done quite often (every 3 weeks) and lashes for Christmas, holidays and weddings etc. thought it was fairly normal and that she does the same pretty much?? Friend B states that she hasn’t done it much since kids, friend A agreed and says I must be high maintenance whilst laughing. (I most certainly am not) it’s just something I do at certain times of the year to chivvy myself up. I have two kids so I feel I’m allowed to look after myself. AIBU to think this is not high maintenance??

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 19/12/2018 20:44

It was just a judgy put down from your friend. Or it was a throw away comment. If it was a put down , People gemerally do that when they feel insecure, or they’d have no need to put you on your place.

There will be many people who do more with themselves, and many who do less.

ThanksForAllTheFish · 19/12/2018 20:45

For me personally I would think that was relatively high maintenance. It does depend on your circle though, my friends are all similar to me and none of us are the type to ware makeup etc on a daily basis. My SIL on the other hand has a season pass for her hairdresser and will no longer wash and style her own hair. She goes for a wash and blow dry 3x a week as week as deep conditioning treatments, cuts and colours. She has her nails done all the time, her eyebrows get done regularly (no lashes as she is blessed with natural long dark lashes). I believe she also gets frequent spa treatments for her face and has a massage at least once a month. It’s pretty normal in her circle to be honest and she’s not joined the Botox club yet as many of her friends have.

I think it’s the nails done every 3 weeks thing that would be the big factor in me thinking high maintenance. I’ve had my nails done twice (for my wedding and another when I was a bridesmaid) and think is expensive and a bit of a faff for what it is. I’ve never had my lashes done (and they are really pale because I’m a redhead). I’ve had my eyebrows tinted twice but not so keen on how dark they look (I asked for a light, light brown as auburn wasn’t an option but it was still about 10 shades darker than I wanted and made me look odd) so don’t bother now.

Your hair appointments sound pretty normal to me. I maybe go once or twice a year but I don’t see going every few months as excessive or high maintenance at all.

gonzo77 · 19/12/2018 20:51

Hairdressers every 8 weeks (growing hair). Upper lip and eyebrow wax every 8 weeks. The rest I do myself (not nails they are natural as is my starting to go grey hair)

gonzo77 · 19/12/2018 20:51

Ffs pressed post too quick. So although higher maintenance than me I still think you aren't HM

Zoflorabore · 19/12/2018 20:53

I get my eyebrows waxed and tinted every month, my nails done ( Shellac only ) once every 3 weeks and my hair coloured every 3-4 weeks as it grows ridiculously fast and I'm very dark and hate the greys coming through.
I've had lashes once and looked like a spider! I don't fake tan or get a professional MUA for a night out. I only go out a couple of times a year anyway.

I live in a city that is seemingly obsessed with eyebrows grooming and for me it's something I feel good about and doesn't cost me a lot of money compared to other things people I know spend their money on ( special white powder/ flash cars / designer everything ) and it is good for my sometimes fragile MH.

I wouldn't say op is high maintenance.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 19/12/2018 20:55

Its normal to me. Get my lashes done every 3 weeks, nails every 2 and hair every 6 - 10.

JaneR0chester · 19/12/2018 20:56

It's really interesting to read this wide range of responses - obviously we're all different and choose to spend our money and time differently.

But I do find it sad that several people have said "it's the norm these days" or words to that effect, because that implies a standard and judgement being applied to women.

I'm early 40s and none of my friends wear acrylic nails. Some have hair coloured regularly (to hide the grey), none would ever have lashes done. But I'm fairly certain we all spend on pricey make up (Space NK or Bobbi Brown type) and as-expensive-as-we-can-afford clothes. Any make-up we wear is very understated.

What the OP does seems high maintenance to me, in terms of money and time. I don't choose to spend my money or time in those ways, but I would definitely consider myself high maintenance because I chose to buy expensive(ish) clothes for example. But again that's relative, what's expensive to me might be "cheap as chips" to the next woman.

The comment might be mean, but wear it as a badge of honour! You have the luxury of money and time to spend on yourself Smile

alansleftfoot · 19/12/2018 20:59

Normal to me - brows, lashes, acrylics every 3 weeks, hair cut and coloured every 6 weeks or so. Spray tan and toes done occasionally, and I've got tooth veneers. I'm mid 40's, couldn't afford it when younger and didn't see the point when kids were small. It's my money and my treat to myself.

LeilaDarling · 19/12/2018 21:00

I think that sounds fairly reasonable and general but where I live in London everyone seems to be aspiring to look like ducks!!
I have a weekly blow dry, dipping powder nails every 3 weeks, monthly pedicure and massage. Yearly eyebrows semi permanent.
Now I’m thinking I’m high maintenance! Grin

MaisyPops · 19/12/2018 21:04

It would depend on your circle but that is high maintenance for my circle.

A few friends get their nails done with shellac so it lasts and I've been tempted by it but have a low ability of arranging appointments. People who get fake nails with the nail art etc seems like too much effort for me. Eyelash extensions are only done by high maintenance people i know. Zero judgement as life would be boring if we were all the same. I think what you do is the higher maintenance end of normal even if it's high maintenance to me.

I get my hair cut and foils done 3 times a year but find tinting brows, lash extensions, regular fake tan, regular nails etc all beyond me. If I met someone who did all of those then I would reserve judgement whilst being a little away they might be a bit more image conscious than me

Dogsmellssobadbob · 19/12/2018 21:09

Yes it’s HM and spending at least a weeks wages on it all seems a bit weird to me as at the end of the day who cares what size your eyelashes are? Surely you can see that seems ridiculous really? Maybe not. Modern beauty standards are insane.

And YABU for saying hubby.

Original poster
Highorlow · 19/12/2018 21:22

@Dogsmellssobadbob YABU for saying hubby?? What does that mean 🤣

I don’t think it’s that bad, it’s one week of my wage , it works out at about 13 a week! Some ppl spend that on coffee every week!!

OP posts:
Yidette86 · 19/12/2018 21:25

I don't know if I'd call it high maintenance, a lot of effort yes, especially to someone like me who has never had false lashes, hair extensions etc but if it makes you happy and you can afford it then who cares what anyone says.

Lettermethis · 19/12/2018 21:43

Definitely high maintainence, but only by my standards. Each to their own!

Milliy · 19/12/2018 22:26

Not something I do but if it makes you feel better about yourself, why not. I think it looks very odd seeing fake eyelashes on someone but that's me.

RedSkyLastNight · 20/12/2018 07:59

It's high maintenance because none of those things are necessary.

"Necessary" would be basic regular washing and hair brushing, and I'd probably include cutting your hair to at least stop it getting unruly.
Everything else is something you choose to do which isn't necessary. The fact that lots of other people also choose to do it does not make it "normal".
I'd personally find 1/50th of my annual wage on unnecessary beauty items to be too much; but clearly that just reflects my different priorities - I also don't buy coffee but clearly lots of people do, and I have a friend who spends a small fortune on cushions which I can't see the point of, but clearly it gives her pleasure.

Fowles94 · 20/12/2018 17:41

I never do any of that but that's because I'm lazy 😂 your not high maintenance that's pretty regular.

shoesarefab · 20/12/2018 18:02

Your friend would love me, I don’t wash my own hair, I get to blowdried once a week at the hairdressers 😂😂. I used to get my lashes done every couple of weeks, my eyebrows are tattooed and mani/pedi once a month. Since having my third child 3mths ago Everything bar the Blowdry has fallen by the wayside. It’s my New Years resolution to pick my regime back up again. I’m looking old with this this third baby 😂😂

busyhonestchildcarer · 20/12/2018 18:08

Doesnt matter as long as you enjoy having it done.Only matters to me when others wonder and ask why I dont have everything they do.Maybe they think i need it!

Rarfy · 20/12/2018 18:11

I wouldn'tsay high maintenance but suspect they are envious. Might not have the money/ time to indulge as much as they did pre-kids.

I love getting hair and nails done and would have them done every four weeks if i could but sadly i cant afford it. If i could though i definitely would and im not high maintenance in the slightest. Like you say- it just makes you feel good.

browneyes77 · 20/12/2018 18:13

I wouldn’t say that sounds high maintenance in comparison to what some of the girls I know have done more regularly. That just sounds like treating yourself once in a while.

I’ve never had my nails done, been to the hairdressers about 5 times in my entire 41 years (for specific treatments - mainly straightening) and basically never visit any kind of beauty salon. I like to know how to do stuff myself if I can as it seems so expensive to keep going to salons to get these things done! YouTube is my friend Grin

Hannahmates · 20/12/2018 18:32

I get my nails done every month and get my hair done every few months. Plus I have a rigid hour long skincare routine that I religiously do everyday. My friends have called me high maintenance but it doesn't bother me at all. Some people don't wear make up at all. Some do. Whatever. Don't take their comments too personally.

Heatherjayne1972 · 20/12/2018 18:38

You probably look really amazing and they’re jealous op

Round here what you do is normal basic maintenance
I wouldn’t take it personally

MrsBombastic · 20/12/2018 18:46

I get where you're coming from.

I have my nails done every 3 weeks along with eyebrow tint and thread and eyelash tint.

I wouldn't have done it when the kids were younger as A) I was too skint and B) it was a hassle I didn't need.

Is it HM? Yeah, probably but as someone else said it's all relative.

And actually, so what if we are? I don't know about you but I raised 6 children and I've proper grafted over the last 20 years (often going without) and I still work hard so if we want to spend our money on titivating ourselves, why the heck not?

I wouldn't say I'm "proud" to be HM but I'm sure as s**t not ashamed of it.

Merry Christmas! Xx

areyoubeingserviced · 20/12/2018 18:48

As others have said, it’s all relative
I wouldn’t consider what you do as being ‘high’ maintenance. I would just see it as maintenance
I don’t do much with my hair, but I do get my eyebrows threaded once a month, eyelash extensions ( natural looking) and nails done . I also wear makeup most days In addition ,I go to the gym three to four times a week.

Some people choose to smoke and drink their money away. I choose to use my money to look after myself.
Tbh, I wouldn’t be surprised if your friend feels slightly jealous and intimidated by the fact that you look good.