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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be secretly fuming that I didn’t get my secret santa present?

169 replies

Secretstingyfuck · 19/12/2018 01:03

I took part in Secret Santa at work and spent lots of time and effort buying a thoughtful gift for my recipient.

Presents were given out at a Christmas lunch and mine wasn’t there. The only one. I am gutted inside, but I am putting on a brave face as the organiser has assured me that it is going to turn up. I don’t think it is and I think it was a mistake on the organiser’s part. The organiser has put my name and a request for my santa to do the decent thing on the staff notice board, so I face the fucking humiliation every time I go into work. Everyday I get people asking me if I have my present followed by ‘oh dear’ and ‘that’s not very nice...’ type comments. I am trying to be mature but inside I feel like shit.

I work in my children’s school, would I be within my rights to be completely childish and leave an empty box of celebrations in the staff room thanking the staff for their efforts this year? Just so I can take some pleasure in watching people open an empty box of chocs? Shall I leave my name on the board forever? Or, shall I just wipe my name off the board, pretend that I got my present and get over it?

OP posts:

caringcarer · 21/12/2018 01:14

Two years ago my dh got a g string made of candy. He was mortified. He said everyone roared with laughter. Later a very drunk colleague offered to model it for him. He came home. He found out a few months later she had been his SS.

Ireallywantmylifeback · 21/12/2018 02:49

A few years ago our team were doing Secret Santa. I was the organiser. One of the higher ups decided he wanted in. So instead of letting me know so we could re-draw a total brown noser said that the boss could have his pick and brown noser would buy for the boss.
I ended up being the boss' recipient.
He didn't bring my gift in, so I handed out everyone else's and he popped to Tesco on his lunch break and bought me a bottle of red wine. Not only do I not drink but I was pregnant at the time! I was very annoyed. Especially after all of the effort I'd put in. So I do feel for you op

CountArthursgroupie · 21/12/2018 05:11

@Katvic your SS was a prize bitch. 💐 for you

Upsy1981 · 21/12/2018 06:59

The stress of having to buy a suitable secret santa present far outweighs the pleasure of opening one so I don't get involved anymore.

happymum12345 · 21/12/2018 07:12

I understand it’s disappointing but I expect it’s just a mistake. I wouldn’t take it personally and I would try to remember the true joy of Christmas.

Leapfrog44 · 21/12/2018 08:47

secret santas are bloody awful. Everyone goes and buys something shit no one needs or wants, just for the sake of it. Out of control consumerism. Don't worry about it!

MCamp10 · 21/12/2018 09:10

Whatever one’s viewpoint, I can’t think of a more insensitive, rude or sheer bloody crass comment than “Get over it”! Has it made you feel good being so unpleasant Orchardgreen?

Wow2806 · 21/12/2018 09:35

We've the situation in our office at the moment.
Everyone exchanged gifts last Friday. We do it every year. No- one ever gets missed. If you don't want to participate absolutely fine your name isn't added.
We agree on about 20 pounds.
This year some people have moved into our office from another so were invited to join us. And one CF took his gift last Friday and has acted all coy and like a shady little git all week. With false promises of bringing it in but not. Last day today my money is on ( no gift,)
And the CF has sat there all week stuffing his face with chocolate s, biscuits and doughnuts that have been brought in. Literally running to the goodie table making sure he gets first pick at what's there then literally stuffing his gob with it and going back for second pickings before anyone has had a first pick
No accounting for cheeky fuckers

flowergrrl77 · 21/12/2018 09:58

I wonder if it was a simple case of forgetting to check that an even number of people participated...

Glad they’ve all been lovely!

Merry Christmas 🎄

Rainbunny · 21/12/2018 11:06

Is it possible that the person who organised it forgot to add your name in error so nobody was assigned to get your gift? Or perhaps was someone assigned your gift who didn't want to participate in the secret santa thing? Is it voluntary or do people get railroaded into doing it?

I think I'd take my name off the board and forget about it, it is unfortunate though.

WoollyMollyMonkey · 21/12/2018 12:41

I admit to not reading the full thread (shock, horror!) but thought our version of Secret Santa might be of interest.

We don’t buy for anyone in particular, just a gift for £5 (might be one thing or a few things - often jokey or fun stuff, or not!). Then everyone who wants to take part puts their wrapped gift in a big tub, secretly, and then later we all sit round and have a Christmas lucky dip. It’s lots of fun and no pressure!

alpal11 · 21/12/2018 13:14

My secret Santa was a leaky pot of jam.
I do it much more for the fun of thinking of the present , although every now and again I get a good gift, mostly it’s not worth getting hopes up.

Whycantibetangy · 21/12/2018 13:38

I feel your pain and upset OP. I always enjoy a secret Santa, finding gifts for people that I think they might like but have also been the pregnant one who received a bottle of wine, the one who opened a wind up hopping willy from the pound shop after spending the £10 budget on a lovely and thoughtful gift and unfortunately been the one who was ‘accidentally’ forgotten.

I just shrugged that one off at the swap session and lied in the New Year that it had arrived on my desk over Christmas holidays. I was good friends with the organiser at the time, she was mortified and since then always has a contingency wrapped box of chocolates hidden at the bottom of the bag (and a list of all participants)

My colleague who sits opposite me now refused to take part this year and spent her £6 on something lovely for herself, wrapped it up and opened it at her desk

Beautga · 21/12/2018 17:22

It happened to me the worse thing was that other members of staff had seen my gift beautiful wrapped.I was off ill for a few days when i got back my gift was gone.Somebody took it as i was told it was definitely there.The person who had me was so upset it had been stolen.The worst thing for me was one of the nurses i worked with had taken it

londonmummy1966 · 21/12/2018 17:32

This happened to my DD in year 8 and again in year 9 - she was so upset as she had spent ages choosing gifts. This year however she had the loveliest present from a class mate who knew which shop she is addicted to.

SO glad that your colleagues rallied round as it is grim if you are the only one left out.

Kate0902900908 · 22/12/2018 06:16

What a piss take!

I work from home but my best friend works at a law firm and this Christmas like every Christmas they do office secret Santa ....

She purchased a well thought of gift wrapped it beautifully and sat it under there office tree .... swap day she recieved ....... an umbrella. Just a black cheap umbrella.. no inside story as to why that would be a good gift ...also it was broken.

Other gifts given included

Bedding ?? A duvet set single mixed colours 80’s patterens

A cookie cutter ( 1 plastic cookie cutter)

Uurrgh wtf ??

Nacreous · 22/12/2018 06:39

Ours is a work of military organisation:
A) opt in not opt out
B) all participants give 3 interests/hobbies to the organiser
C) people can request a person

The organiser keeps a list of all the people who ought to be gift giving to the relevant person can be suitably shamed if required, but the threat of shaming usually removes this risk unless someone is having a truly terrible time at home which tends to mean they are forgiven anyway.

WhenLifeGivesYouLemonsx · 22/12/2018 07:04

Last year nobody told me about secret Santa so when I got to work, they was all exchanging presents and one of them gave me a present and there was one who didn't have any... that was my secret Santa! Was so mortified but it happens! They'll soon get over it.

YoThePussy · 22/12/2018 07:47

I was forgotten one year, the organiser found an unlabelled wine bag in the sack and dcided it must be mine. Lovely bottle of wine which I took home and drank. Approached the following day by the organiser who asked for the bottle back as it was meant for someone else. Not pleased to hear I couldn’t return it as it had been for someone ‘very important’ and had been expensive. I laughed and said they could have my present if it ever turned up.

Worst present I saw given was a two for one voucher for Thorpe Park, the sort picked up free in shops.

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