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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be secretly fuming that I didn’t get my secret santa present?

169 replies

Secretstingyfuck · 19/12/2018 01:03

I took part in Secret Santa at work and spent lots of time and effort buying a thoughtful gift for my recipient.

Presents were given out at a Christmas lunch and mine wasn’t there. The only one. I am gutted inside, but I am putting on a brave face as the organiser has assured me that it is going to turn up. I don’t think it is and I think it was a mistake on the organiser’s part. The organiser has put my name and a request for my santa to do the decent thing on the staff notice board, so I face the fucking humiliation every time I go into work. Everyday I get people asking me if I have my present followed by ‘oh dear’ and ‘that’s not very nice...’ type comments. I am trying to be mature but inside I feel like shit.

I work in my children’s school, would I be within my rights to be completely childish and leave an empty box of celebrations in the staff room thanking the staff for their efforts this year? Just so I can take some pleasure in watching people open an empty box of chocs? Shall I leave my name on the board forever? Or, shall I just wipe my name off the board, pretend that I got my present and get over it?

OP posts:
greeneyedlulu · 20/12/2018 17:31

Well I was in the secret Santa at work, names drawn last Thursday when I was off. That's ok, I planned to get a unisex gift and take it in on Monday however I had a miscarriage on Friday so you can pretty much guess where this secret Santa is on my list of priorities!

My point is you don't know what's happened in someone's life for them to forget you and your present!

Sara107 · 20/12/2018 17:34

I hated secret Santa when we did it at work a few times. Some people really make an effort, others do ‘jokes’ that are hurtful ( eg hair dye for someone going grey), others are just shit. The one I remember was a free cd pulled off the front of a Sunday magazine, it was a duet Nicole Kidman and Robbie Williams did. Not something I would even listen to.

pallisers · 20/12/2018 17:39

My daughter's 8th grade spanish class did a secret santa and the boy who got her name got her nothing and when they swapped presents, laughed and shoved his eraser at her as a present. She was the only one who got nothing. She is in university now and has long forgotten - I haven't though ....

browneyes77 · 20/12/2018 18:06

Ha 20 quid in an envelope might be preferable to some Secret Santa gifts.

That’s true! I bought a lovely gift for the person I had for the full amount agreed. But whoever had me, bought me a really cheap looking photo frame that was clearly purchased from a pound shop.

I’ve never liked secret Santa. After my pathetic cheap gift this year, I know next year I won’t bother spending the full budgeted amount! Not wasting my money!

Mummzyof3 · 20/12/2018 18:24

This happend to me a couple of years ago where i worked, i brought my secret santa and then wad asked very nicely if i coulf swap my secret santa as the new girl wouldnt get anything due to someone getting sacked and them having her,i explainrd i already brought mine but would buy something little anyway come xmas everybody and i mean everyone had something except me wich really P*ed me off so i can see where your coming from i did do an empty choc box like you have mentioned doing i must admit was pretty funny to see their faces when they opened it to find nothinh

simiisme · 20/12/2018 18:39

I think it's really mean to leave somebody out when you've opted to participate. One year I got an Avon free gift (I'd seen it offered as a freebie with a purchase) :D
This year nobody got round to organising SS at my workplace.
My son had a SS at his school this year (he's 14, not a little kid) He made the effort to buy something that the person would like. He did not receive a gift, but was very relaxed about it.

user1497787065 · 20/12/2018 18:51

Oh for goodness sake, grow up.

HoneysuckIejasmine · 20/12/2018 18:55

It's generally only people who wouldn't bother to buy who doesn't think this is an upsetting thing to happen.

As for "you don't have to recieve to give", the first time I heard that phrase it was said to me by a "friend" who quite clearly meant "I'm not buying you anything but I expect you to buy for me".

MrsBombastic · 20/12/2018 18:57

YABR to be upset but don't let it spoil your Christmas.

Take the note down and move on. X

starrybee · 20/12/2018 18:57

I think this is a really horrible thing to do to someone and I can't believe there are some people telling you to grow up!!

Yes it's trivial in the grand scheme of things but it's really hurtful to feel like you're the only one's who been left out of something.

We were having trouble getting hold of someone who was off work in the run up to our secret santa, the organiser sent an email out to everybody in the office asking who they had so they could work out who was leftover, they were going to get that person something themselves if their secret santa present didn't turn up.

Yutes · 20/12/2018 19:00

I don’t bother with secret Santa’s anymore. It’s when someone forgets, or it’s a regift or it’s just shite.

I know it’s crap OP. I don’t think it’s fair people telling you just get over it. It can make you feel quite alienated at work. Try not to let it bring you down. And maybe just take your name off the notice board

AtSea1979 · 20/12/2018 19:05

Our organiser makes a list of who’s got who and if anyone leaves or anything there’s usually a few bottles of wine ready to give out.
We’ve got ours tomorrow and I’m hoping I don’t get wine!

ToftyAC · 20/12/2018 19:05

Yep. Been there. Was really upset. Fortunately, we were a group of companies working all together in one office which included wealth management and a travel company. The bosses had a goody box with all the super cool freebies - so I actually got a pressie out of there which was worth 4 times the secret Santa price limit (I.e. I got a lovely Molton Brown skincare haul). Seriously, don’t feel bad for being miffed and fingers crossed next year will be better!

LaraLondon1 · 20/12/2018 19:13

Totally understand why you would be upset but I think draw a line under it . Take ur name off the board and forget it. Please don’t leave empty choc box for colleagues , it wont do u any favours especially if it’s a genuine mix up .

NopeNi · 20/12/2018 19:19

"You don't give to receive" misses the point of Secret Santa. That's exactly why you give, so that you all get a present!

lynney88 · 20/12/2018 19:56

I'm upset with my workplace. I've been off sick since September with various illnesses and have been comletely left out. Out of sight, out of mind. I love everyone and have taken this very personally.

Mexicantortilla · 20/12/2018 20:27

Do you know what? If it’s stressful just don’t get involved. Secret Santa s crock of shit anyway Grin

NotBeforeCoffee · 20/12/2018 20:36

I’ve never known secret Santa to be taken so seriously!

Daisydrum · 20/12/2018 21:01

I hate secret Santa’s and am glad my current job doesn’t do it. As previously I had tried really hard and spent over the budget but the person who received it said it looked like it was tat (it had the label of the shop showing it wasn’t) and what was she going to do with the other thing (something someone had told me she would find useful). You can’t win!

Katvic · 20/12/2018 21:04

My SS present a few years back, when I was new to the department, and noticeably older than many of my female colleagues... a book

"How to look 10 years younger... Get rid of wrinkles"

I went home and cried.

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 20/12/2018 21:06

The only time I did Secret Santa luckily the guy who was mine I knew well and he was away over Christmas so I got mine later. Is anyone currently off/away? It could be them if they are. What he got me was lovely and the guy I had to buy for was a good friend too. It was £5 limit, some people spent more though. £20 is excessive in my opinion unless it is close friends.
Wipe your name off the board, forget about it and buy yourself something nice instead.
Maybe even take as a blessing, I was lucky that time but had we done it the second year I dread to think. I know some people that year were gifted tat.
It's better you get nothing at all than a present that annoys or offends then you'd wish they hadn't bothered.
Secret Santa can work but then it can backfire horribly.

celticprincess · 20/12/2018 21:11

I work somewhere that does secret Santa in the various teams. I don’t belong to one team as I work across all of them so I’m never asked to join a secret Santa very often. The one year I was asked I got very excited and bought my present, turned up for the shared breakfast with the team and then no present. My person was absent. I was a little upset/put out but just got on. I had to go into work later in the week to collect something on my day off and the person had brought my present.

DRE56322 · 20/12/2018 21:15

£20 in an envelope would be the perfect gift, haha.
Why do these people participate if they are not going to buy?

FirstNameSurname · 20/12/2018 21:56

I've done secret Santa 3 times. First time I was given a jokey but useful gift, gifter spent ages checking I was happy with it and I've kept it for years.

Second my boss "forgot" and promised a gift soon. Others suggested he give up his gift to me. He got very offended and never did give me anything.

Third I was given a small Lush box. Loved it but so did the gifter, she stole it from my desk and refused to return it as I clearly didn't want it. All because I left it on my desk for 2 days.

After that I stopped bothering with secret Santa and also realised birthday collections were never fair and only the popular staff benefited.

EugenesAxe · 20/12/2018 23:13

I'm sorry this happened; I think suggest some of the contingency plans for next year, such as a central organiser who ticks off presents by a deadline that's before the day of the swap, or Cherries' deposit idea.

I wouldn't do the chocolate box thing, or any kind of sarcastic retaliation. I think it would backfire and leave you feeling crap inside.

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