To be secretly fuming that I didn’t get my secret santa present?

[Secretstingyfuck]

I took part in Secret Santa at work and spent lots of time and effort buying a thoughtful gift for my recipient.

Presents were given out at a Christmas lunch and mine wasn’t there. The only one. I am gutted inside, but I am putting on a brave face as the organiser has assured me that it is going to turn up. I don’t think it is and I think it was a mistake on the organiser’s part. The organiser has put my name and a request for my santa to do the decent thing on the staff notice board, so I face the fucking humiliation every time I go into work. Everyday I get people asking me if I have my present followed by ‘oh dear’ and ‘that’s not very nice...’ type comments. I am trying to be mature but inside I feel like shit.

I work in my children’s school, would I be within my rights to be completely childish and leave an empty box of celebrations in the staff room thanking the staff for their efforts this year? Just so I can take some pleasure in watching people open an empty box of chocs? Shall I leave my name on the board forever? Or, shall I just wipe my name off the board, pretend that I got my present and get over it?

I am always amazed at the selfishness of the secret Santa who happily accepts a gift for themselves whilst knowing full well that they haven’t given one in. Appalling behaviour.

Yep I agree. They don’t even feel guilty! The organiser needs to identify the culprit because at the very least they need to be excluded from participating in future.

Thanks orchid I’m sorry it happened to your DD too
As adults we can think people are forgetful/dicks/both but at 13 they think it means everyone hates them.
One of DDs friends bought their “gang” matching Xmas jumpers to all wear today which cheered her right up. She has some lovely friends but unfortunately due to her anxiety she takes everything very personally
Christmas xxx to anyone who’s ever been missed in Secret Santa

I'm feeling bad for buying chocolate for my secret santa now to be fair, I've never met her or worked with her (and can hardly ask around the whole team as it defeats the purpose) so I don't know what else I'd have done!

It is shitty to be left out OP; I sympathise

I actually don't like secret santa, unless you are really friendly with everyone doing it. I remember at some people at work doing it, and people drawing someones name and trying to swap saying "oh god, she is so boring, I have no idea what to get her' (not about me, I didn't join in).
My son's class does it and he hates it, he hates opening it in front of everyone in case it's a 'joke' present (ie something mean) and the not knowing who has bought it, it makes his anxiety go through the roof! (He does suffer with anxiety anyway).

These things are always an issue. When i used to get roped into organising it, i kept a master list of who had who - and set the gift deadline several days in advance. And i hounded anyone who was late!

I remember the shittest office christmas related thing being at one company which got lots of gifts from suppliers - bottle of spirits, champagne, nice chocs etc. It was a department of maybe 30 people, and there would be 40+ items - so more than enough to go round.

It was done as a tombola type thing - names in a hat and you then picked whatever item you wanted. Once all names went though, a second round was done. The (cliquey) admin women organised it and left out the names of anyone who hadn't been there for the full year (only me at that point - though i'd been there 9 months!). So i stood like a muppet through all 30 names and then said - "oh, mine hasn't been called" and suddenly another slip of paper was produced - and it was really obvious it has been deliberately withheld.

It was deliberate and really shitty behaviour - as by this point it was just a couple of tubs of cheap chocs and some wine (that i don't drink) left. So i just said cheerily "oh well, never mind, i thought it was for everyone in the department, my mistake" and walked off. One of them very sheepishly came and presented me with a bottle of wine and tried to pretend it was an innocent mistake but i was just very neutral and said not to worry, accidents happen, but i don't drink wine so she may as well keep it.

The department manager apologised and made sure it didn't happen the following year to that year's new people, so at least something came from it.

The more I read these threads about disastrous workplace secret santas, the more I think that DS' form tutor must be batshit to allow a secret Santa for a big group of year 8s. The hormones, the classroom politics, the cliques and the fact there are different economic backgrounds (but who would want to opt out in front of everyone) are surely a recipe for disaster!

My DD is doing School Bus secret Santa today and Tutor Room secret Santa. I hope she gets at least one of them!

I'd be so mad I'd hunt down the secret santa fucker and shit in their tea. I'm a petty, stroppy bastard though.

You have my sympathies. It happened to me last year, in a new job. It was embarrassing & I never did get the present, despite having bought something really nice for mine (which I know was well received as I watched them open it). Always fun when you’re already depressed and miserable in a new job & have to sit in a room full of people opening their presents and not being involved but also an introvert so it is very difficult to sound light heated in those circumstances.

would I be within my rights to be completely childish and leave an empty box of celebrations in the staff room thanking the staff for their efforts this year?

Ridiculous idea. You should leave a box of celebrations with just the empty wrappers. That way it increases their disappointment as they think they are going to get a choc, but don't.

Afraid your suggestion is just not childish enough. C-, must try harder.

Well, im still fuming over when we used to do Secret Santa, I used to buy jewellery, perfumes etc

And everyone turns up with poundland chocolates, still makes my blood boil whenever I think about it [quote]

In fairness, it sounds like you're the one out of step here. Why buy expensive gifts if the general trend is for cheap and cheerful stuff?

I also keep track of who gives shit presents and try and allocate them to each other so they get a similarly shit gift in return!
I like that!

I'm a bit shocked at some of these stories.

I've been involved in lots of secret santas over the years and have never seen shitty behaviour like that.

Do some adults really behave so childishly and thoughtlessly? Even if they can't be arsed to find something nice or humorous for their recipient, how much effort does it take to buy a bottle of wine and wrap it in some Christmassy paper?

What is wrong with some people?

I'm so sorry that happened to you OP. I don't do secret Santa anymore because of a similar situation. I'd rather spend the money on myself. It was a uni one with a budget of £20 which was a lot to me at the time, I spent ages making sure I got something thoughtful and I got nothing.

How unfair.
I would be raging with all the added fuss too.
It is one of the reasons we stopped it in work it wasn't fair. One girl was passed a bag from a petrol station with crap in it.
If you are going to participate at least make an effort.

Everyone had a present in ours today and there was some real thought given to the gifts. I didn't get wine or toiletries so I'm happy!

I think there should always be an organiser who can check that everyone has bought a gift. And if you don't buy, then you don't receive.

It can be a nice, fun thing to do, but it only takes one or two people being selfish, lazy or unkind to make it an absolute PITA for everyone. If I have to do it for someone I really know nothing about, I tend to buy things like photo frames or mugs - might be dull but they are generally useful and won't offend. And if nothing else, they can be regifted without offending, too... (The trouble with buying wine/chocs when you don't know the person is that you will find out AFTERWARDS that the recipient doesn't drink or is on a diet or at least worried about body size or something...)

Secret Santas are shit. I've never seen them work because there's always some cheap, thoughtless or downright nasty cunt who takes the piss. I don't participate in them for this reason, even among friends. 'No, thanks!' and just say I prefer to keep the holiday low key or even spout of some religious crap to get people off my back.

Thanks for all of the replies. I went in to work today all dressed up and full of seasonal cheer. I rubbed my name off the board. Wrote a little ‘Don’t worry, Merry Christmas’ message. I have received lots of lovely gifts from colleagues who felt bad about the situation, which was lovely. My faith in humanity and Christmas has been restored . Honestly i feel like I have starred in my own very boring Christmas movie.

I am so glad I didn’t retaliate with the box of non-chocs, although to quote another thread I am a Scorpio so it would have been understandable.

@wowfudge
Everyone had a present in ours today and there was some real thought given to the gifts. I didn't get wine or toiletries so I'm happy!

Same for my workplace - some really nice, and thoughtful gifts - everyone seems happy with what they got!

Richard Curtis might write it - Shithouse Secret Santa

This happened In my office- they wanted to do a ‘department’ wide SS 😬

I saw the mess coming and suggested we do a ‘team’ and let the rest of department do their own (about 30 people without us)!

Our teams was lovely and ran fine btw!

They did the department one at the Christmas do last week and 4 people didn’t get gifts, whilst the 4 who had ‘Opted out’ got gifts anyway 🙈

Total shambles!

Secret santa is a general pain in the arse anyway, always organised by the same person who cant keep a sponsorship form out of your face for 5 minutes.