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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be secretly fuming that I didn’t get my secret santa present?

169 replies

Secretstingyfuck · 19/12/2018 01:03

I took part in Secret Santa at work and spent lots of time and effort buying a thoughtful gift for my recipient.

Presents were given out at a Christmas lunch and mine wasn’t there. The only one. I am gutted inside, but I am putting on a brave face as the organiser has assured me that it is going to turn up. I don’t think it is and I think it was a mistake on the organiser’s part. The organiser has put my name and a request for my santa to do the decent thing on the staff notice board, so I face the fucking humiliation every time I go into work. Everyday I get people asking me if I have my present followed by ‘oh dear’ and ‘that’s not very nice...’ type comments. I am trying to be mature but inside I feel like shit.

I work in my children’s school, would I be within my rights to be completely childish and leave an empty box of celebrations in the staff room thanking the staff for their efforts this year? Just so I can take some pleasure in watching people open an empty box of chocs? Shall I leave my name on the board forever? Or, shall I just wipe my name off the board, pretend that I got my present and get over it?

OP posts:

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 19/12/2018 04:58

I'd be mildly irritated but that's all. Not worth worrying about.

Chewinggumwalk · 19/12/2018 05:01

YANBU to be cross, especially about the salt rubbing name on the board, but it’s not worth spending much of your time on, OP.

We’ve done a small one in my team this year and used a website that does the draw for you, and sends reminders. That might help your disorganised organiser next year, as it keeps a record. (If it cheers you up at all, I got a recipient who’s very difficult to buy for, but managed to get something nice. I walked past his desk late yesterday afternoon and he was looking up an inflatable Jesus. I have a bad feeling about this present swap on Friday!)

MerryMarigold · 19/12/2018 05:26

The organIser should have kept track of it and know who is giving to whom. She could then check on them. At least everyone knows it wasn't you, so your innocence isn't in doubt.

Isadora2007 · 19/12/2018 05:31

I would put your own note up saying that whoever got your secret Santa could put some money to a charity this Christmas. Wish them a merry Christmas and let it go.
Suggest a collection for a local charity for next year or do a larger oxfam unwrapped gift from donations instead of secret Santa. Who needs extra tat at Xmas?

Groovee · 19/12/2018 05:53

This happened to me 2 years ago. Never did get my secret Santa despite the fact the person kept saying they would give me it.

floribunda18 · 19/12/2018 05:56

Organiser's fault. You count how many gifts there are to make sure someone doesn't miss out.

Soontobe60 · 19/12/2018 06:01

I agree, the organiser should have checked that everyone has brought their gift in!
Our organiser is very thorough! When you choose the name, you have to cross your name off a list, and also the name of the recipient off another list when you bring the gift in the day before. That way, everyone is covered.

notaflyingmonkey · 19/12/2018 06:03

For the past few years at work our team can opt for secret santa, a donation to a charity, or do nothing. We gave £45 in donations to a local soup kitchen this year - avoids all the upsets listed above.

LEMtheoriginal · 19/12/2018 06:06

This happened to me. I was invited to a secret santa after i had left my place of work. I made a special trip into work just for secret santa. No present. I had PND at the time - i felt fucking awful. The irony was the person who had me was my recipient and i got her something really nice and personal to her. She was "sick" but my present never materialised. We have never apoken of it. I have forgiven her after 10 years

ChristmasFlary · 19/12/2018 06:06

I agree that it's the organisers fault. They should have a list of who chose who

He11y · 19/12/2018 06:18

There’s some arseholes in this world for sure! I suspect it didn’t occur to the organiser that anyone would be so mean but, if I were them, I’d have bought you a gift to replace it, or at the very least had a whip round by now.

Love the chocolates idea!

Butternutissquashed · 19/12/2018 06:18

We are doing ours tomorrow and the gift that I’ve bought hasn’t turned up yet!! I’m torn between buying something else after work tonight and leaving a note saying that the naughty elf has hidden it then leaving it at their house when it arrives!!! It’s a personalised gift so only suitable for that person!! I’m going in now to check everyone’s gift off against a staff list after reading this!!!

Ledkr · 19/12/2018 06:28

No I excuses. My work mate is off sick and asked me if I'd grab hers and out it in so nobody gets left out.
The irony is I think I'm sick and unable to go in so I won't get mine which I was secretly hoping was wine 😂

strawberrisc · 19/12/2018 06:53

I work in a school and this year was “Stealth Elf” - £1 presents over a number of days. Loads of people haven’t received their quota of gifts. Luckily I can’t be fucked so I didn’t take part.

Don’t leave an empty box of chocolates and that note. People will think you’re a bit batshit.

Antonym4445 · 19/12/2018 06:56

Well, im still fuming over when we used to do Secret Santa, I used to buy jewellery, perfumes etc

And everyone turns up with poundland chocolates, still makes my blood boil whenever I think about it.

Not related but also had a friend ‘trick’ me into buying her a present and then never gave me one. I guess im too generous.... she used to copy me anyways. We all lost contact even though they all said they were ‘true’ friends and would keep in touch ...

cakecakecheese · 19/12/2018 06:58

Of course you're not unreasonable to be miffed.

Personally I'd turn it into a bit of a joke and would milk it 'Clearly I'm on the naughty list' 'Maybe Santa used Yodel' and I certainly wouldn't be wiping my name off the board 'Maybe the Easter bunny will get me something instead'.

Dyrne · 19/12/2018 06:59

We do a ‘lucky dip’ secret Santa. Value of £4.50-5 (to prevent cheapskates, and to keep it fun).

We put all presents in the bag, then pick one out at random. Then it doesn’t matter who is actually there on the day, and I can make sure that if people don’t put a present in, they don’t get to draw one out!

We first did it last year after years of Secret Santa collapsing (our department have a few drama queens - flouncing around at the last minute every year refusing to come to the Xmas meal). We thought it would be more difficult to buy generic presents but to be honest most secret Santa presents are generic and shit anyway!

Sorry you didn’t get your secret Santa present, OP. I know it’s small but it is stuff like that that leaves a bad taste in the mouth. All they had to do was bring in a box of celebrations or a bottle of wine in the following days and leave it out anonymously for you. The fact they haven’t even done that is pretty shit of them. Agree the organiser should have kept track of who had who for this kind of outcome.

PeaQiwiComHequo · 19/12/2018 07:04

having your name up on the board is mean and makes it worse. they should replace the notice saying something that doesn't name you.

BrokenWing · 19/12/2018 07:06

If I was the organiser I would send an email out to everyone in the secret santa to say as a gift hasn't appeared then everyone will need to confidentially tell the organiser who they got so they can work out where it went wrong so it doesn't happen next year.

Hassled · 19/12/2018 07:07

Yes, don't do the empty chocolates thing.
Someone where I work must be going through the same thing - when the boss told a colleague (who actually works in different locations and is hardly in our building) that he had her Secret Santa present for her, she said "Oh I didn't realise I was in it". It'll be something like that - the organiser has assumed that X is participating and X is oblivious. It won't be personal.

pyramidbutterflyfish · 19/12/2018 07:10

This actually happened to me yesterday too.

It doesn’t didn’t bother me a bit, I just assumed someone was off sick or something. I have no idea why you are upset, to be honest.

Cheerbear23 · 19/12/2018 07:14

Yes it’s shit. It happened to me last year when I was brand new at my job. I handed my gift to someone else In to secret Santa, but it turns out my gift was due from someone who was on 2 weeks leave. It was fairly embarrassing not to get a gift as we all gathered in 1 office and unopened them in front of each other, but as well .... the sympathy from others!! Mine did turn up eventually and I just wished I’d never been involved!

homeishere · 19/12/2018 07:19

Move on, but don’t do SS again. I stopped after someone gave me a second hand 10 year old album. The bloody case was cracked.

I get that not everyone has the money to spare, but then why take part?

KitKat1985 · 19/12/2018 07:22

I do feel for your OP. This happened to me once. And it was on Christmas day just to add salt to the wound (I was working at a hospital). (Turns out the person who was buying mine was away when the secret santa was discussed and knew nothing about it)!

I have to say though after several years of taking part in work secret santas I have realised that at least one of the following always occurs:

Someone always doesn't get a gift for some reason, and feels hurt.
Someone feels pissed off they put loads of thought into their gift and gets something shit in return.
Someone gets a passive aggressive gift and gets upset about it.

In addition to the above, I have always ended up with a really 'generic' gift like chocs, toiletries etc, which I'm not that bothered about. Subsequently I know longer bother taking part in work secret santas and I don't miss it.

Unfinishedkitchen · 19/12/2018 07:23

Same thing happened to me yesterday. Although it was only £5, I put thought into my secret Santa gift only to be told ‘oh sorry you haven’t got one but I’m sure it’ll turn up tomorrow’. I had to stand and watch everyone open and squeal over their presents.

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