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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If I was your adult DD would you lend me money

121 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 18/12/2018 22:17

I’ve literaly never asked my mother for a penny since I was about 16 when I got my first job. It’s not something I’m comfortable doing.

Basically due to changing jobs and early Xmas payments I’m getting one weeks wage to last six weeks.

My last months pay and a lot of my savings have been totally totally spanked following an issue with my roof, car tax and insurance coming out on the same month and a quarterly water bill.

I bought my house a few months ago and that’s used up nearly all my savings and my rainy day fund has gone on the roof Sad. It was meant to be what I was going to use to tide me over until I got my full pay in January.
I’m literally in tears daily about how I’m going to cope.
I need to ask my DM for about £1000ish to cover the month (bills, mortgage, food, petrol, no luxuries there)
I’m sure she can afford it and of course I’ll give it back but I’m so nervous she’ll tell me I’m an adult and to sort it out myself Sad

OP posts:
Fruityfruitcake · 18/12/2018 22:17

In a heartbeat.

Dariosa · 18/12/2018 22:18

Of course.

MazDazzle · 18/12/2018 22:18

Does she have any idea at all that you’re in financial difficulty?

PurpleDaisies · 18/12/2018 22:18

You can ask, I’d say yes. House buying is a nightmare. We had a similar situation where we almost had to ask parents but just scraped through.

MrsTommyBanks · 18/12/2018 22:19

Absolutely I would.

Lovingbenidorm · 18/12/2018 22:19

What a nightmare for you. Ask her. If she says no then at least you know where you stand.
Is there anyone else you could ask?

AutumnCrow · 18/12/2018 22:19

I'd give it to you, tbh.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 18/12/2018 22:19

Maz not at all, I didn’t mean to drop feed but we aren’t super close, we get on but maybe see each other twice a year and talk once/twice a month so I’m worried she’ll think I’m taking the piss

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 18/12/2018 22:19

If any of my adult sons asked me for a loan I'd do it, no question.

GhostSauce · 18/12/2018 22:19

If she can afford it then yes.

TheHobbitMum · 18/12/2018 22:20

Absolutely, I'd never not help my children who genuinely needed it

peachgreen · 18/12/2018 22:20

Without even thinking about it, and I know my parents would do the same.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 18/12/2018 22:20

Of course. You’re not asking for money to go on holidays or anything frivolous. I’d loan you that if you were my dd in a second.

Rockbird · 18/12/2018 22:20

If you haven't asked her for a penny since you were 16 I doubt anyone could say or think you we're taking the piss. You can only ask. I'd lend it to you in a heartbeat.

DonkeysEars · 18/12/2018 22:21

If I had it then yes, in a heartbeat.

Parky04 · 18/12/2018 22:23

Absolutely and I would be hurt if you didn't ask!

Purpleartichoke · 18/12/2018 22:23

Yes I would loan that amount if I had it.

I would appreciate you having a proposed repayment schedule ready when you ask. So sit down with your finances and figure out when you realistically can make the first repayment and how much it can be. Don’t be overly optimistic. Don’t promise what you can’t deliver. If the first repayment is a year away, just be honest with that.

SushiMonster · 18/12/2018 22:24

I wouldn’t lend. I’d give it to an adult DD who was otherwise sensible.

Ragwort · 18/12/2018 22:24

Yes I would but I would also have given my adult child a decent sum when they bought their first home, as my parents did for me (& still do Blush). Are you absolutely confident that she can afford to give you a loan?

MazDazzle · 18/12/2018 22:24

Do you communicate via email/messaging etc?

It might be easier to write it than ask over the phone. That way you can explain fully your circumstances and your mum time to mull it over.

I’m not particularly close to my mum and her knee-jerk reaction would be no, but there’d be more chance if I outlined it in writing.

YANBU at all! It’s so easy to get into financial difficulty. I’ve never been in debt in my life, but this year had to ask my sister and brother-in-law when home renovation costs spiralled.

Newtothis2017 · 18/12/2018 22:24

In a heartbeat

MadMum101 · 18/12/2018 22:25

Well she raised you, if she thinks you're taking the pissWink.

I absolutely would if I could afford the whole amount and if not, I'd give you all I could including food, advice on how to deal with creditors for late payments etc.

I gather there's a reason you're not close and see each other so little though, so I rather think my opinion is moot.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 18/12/2018 22:26

I’m actually on a very good salary and could very possibly give it back in full, if not then about 2 months so paying it back isn’t the issue.
I’m usually so so so good with money, even when I was a student I never went overdrawn then was on decent money from graduating so I’ve never really had money worries and this is awful!

OP posts:
JudasPrudy · 18/12/2018 22:26

Yes of course. Some employers offer an advance in this situation too but probably more like £500.

HollowTalk · 18/12/2018 22:26

I'd give it in a heartbeat.