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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If I was your adult DD would you lend me money

121 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 18/12/2018 22:17

I’ve literaly never asked my mother for a penny since I was about 16 when I got my first job. It’s not something I’m comfortable doing.

Basically due to changing jobs and early Xmas payments I’m getting one weeks wage to last six weeks.

My last months pay and a lot of my savings have been totally totally spanked following an issue with my roof, car tax and insurance coming out on the same month and a quarterly water bill.

I bought my house a few months ago and that’s used up nearly all my savings and my rainy day fund has gone on the roof Sad. It was meant to be what I was going to use to tide me over until I got my full pay in January.
I’m literally in tears daily about how I’m going to cope.
I need to ask my DM for about £1000ish to cover the month (bills, mortgage, food, petrol, no luxuries there)
I’m sure she can afford it and of course I’ll give it back but I’m so nervous she’ll tell me I’m an adult and to sort it out myself Sad

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 18/12/2018 22:52

You could apply for a credit card now and have it in days. You could also ask your bank for an authorised overdraft and would probably get it approved immediately. Otherwise, an unauthorised overdraft of £1000 isn’t going to bankrupt you.

If asking your mum for a loan is too complicated, I would explore more independent options first.

RB68 · 18/12/2018 22:52

I think I would look at other ways of managing it first - either 0% card or short loan, and make it for a little more which you could always put to one side as the temporary rain fund just in case.

If its the first month in a new job etc then a loan may be available through work - or effectively an upfront payment but I doubt it would be that much and also lets HR in on the fact you are struggling

TeacupDrama · 18/12/2018 22:53

if your credit record is good you could almost certainly get a credit card from your own bank within a few days, in fact a sensibly used credit card actually increases your credit rating not decreases it

while I could generally lend this amount of money I could not just now as my car insurance car tax house insurance and professional indemnity all need to be paid within 3 weeks of today and it adds up to over 3500K plus christmas and the fact that DD DH, DM, DF and 1 sister and my only niece all have birthdays just now, I only say this because even people who are generally comfortable sometimes have months when cash flow is tight so it maybe that your mother might not just have the cash in her current account right now

AtSea1979 · 18/12/2018 22:56

I would get a credit card as it’s just a short term issue. It’s a lot of money to ask for right before Xmas but you never said whether your mum has lots of money sat there or not.

Needsmorebeans · 18/12/2018 22:56

I would because you have given very good reasons, you have spent your savings on sensible things like the house and roof. It's only to tide you over and not due to irresponsibility on your part.

NoSquirrels · 18/12/2018 22:58

Honestly, in this situation I KNOW my DPs would lend it straight away, but I probably wouldn't ask.

If I were you, I would apply for a 0% credit card now, and put food and petrol on that. I would also apply for an overdraft (or extend one) to meet my mortgage and bills.

If I couldn't get an overdraft extension I would then ask for the smaller amount from my DPs.

The 0% credit card is the way forward, OP.

Missingstreetlife · 18/12/2018 22:58

What's the worst that can happen if you ask? Same for work.
If no, try overdraft, loan or credit card. Maybe credit union.
Don't use payday loan or expensive lenders. Try not to worry, you will sort it out.

BitOutOfPractice · 18/12/2018 23:00

Of course I would give it to you without hesitation. I hope she sees you right op. Good luck Thanks

NoSquirrels · 18/12/2018 23:01

Here you go, OP:

www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/money-transfers

seventhgonickname · 18/12/2018 23:04

Get a credit card you can apply on line or get one through your bank ,it doesn't take long.A credit card is useful for emergencies and helps you have improve your credit score if you pay it off regularly and gives you some protection for big purchases or services.Through your bank may be fastest.
My mum helped.me out when I divorced,she offered though as I wouldn't have thought of asking.
Ask and tell her when you can pay her back.If she says no or can't then you will set inmotions other option and be OK if you organise your credit card tomorrow.
Without knowing exactly when your pay comes in or your bill are due it's hard to help you juggle but if there is no help you will manage short term.

SnowyPaws5 · 18/12/2018 23:05

Yes. Always. To be honest, if I was well-off, I would give my DC £1000 if they needed it.

Moononthehill28 · 18/12/2018 23:07

You sound like a model daughter to me. I have adult children who are constantly needing financial help. They pay it back, but just don’t earn enough to manage most of the time.
You should ask your mother and don’t feel at all bad about it.
I was like you, never asked my parents for a penny. I am resentful about how little they did for me now.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 18/12/2018 23:08

Thank you all. I will brave talking to her tomorrow. I make it sound like we have a complicated relationship, we don’t! I just have spent a long time away from her and was always closer to my late father (who she adored) so when I was younger we just never spent a tonne of time together

OP posts:
littlebillie · 18/12/2018 23:08

Yes of course

JumpingJunipersBatman · 18/12/2018 23:10

Not only would I lend you (or give to you depending on the circumstances) the money, I would want you to come to me.

When I first got a house, I completely messed up the budgeting and had to borrow some money from my parents. I remember being in tears asking them. They helped without batting an eyelid. It's not something I want yo do again though.

Alternatively, would a short term overdraft or credit card (which gets paid off ASAP) be an option?

Nacreous · 18/12/2018 23:13

Really worth getting a credit card in the future, if you can. I've got 2, one £3500, one £4000. I very rarely spend on them (only if I want section 75 protection) but they are a useful cash flow buffer if things went tits up. These were not credit cards where I applied for a high limit, they just it a high limit on them for basically no reason at all. That way, if this happens again you've got a buffer. While you wouldn't want to have money on a credit card for a long time, over a month the interest is likely only to be 1.5%. my credit card bill comes in on 28th of the month, and only has to be paid by the 28th of the month after to remain interest free. That means I could spend £1000 on 29th December and I'd only have to pay it off by 28th Feb.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 18/12/2018 23:15

I say ask, what's the worst that could happen? Parents lend children money all the time for reasons less practical or necessary than yours.

On a different note, I'm not sure why the early Christmas pay will leave you £1000 short? Are you not still getting the same wages but just a week early? I also get an early Christmas payment which will need to last 6 week until 31st Jan but my November salary only had to last 3 weeks I still have the same money overall iyswim.

Kahlua4me · 18/12/2018 23:15

I would have asked my parents before asking anybody else even the bank!

VanGoghsDog · 18/12/2018 23:16

I once lent my sister £5k and she needed it because she's rubbish with money, so yes, I'd lend to my offspring, or probably just gift it in reality.

userofthiswebsite · 18/12/2018 23:19

OP, off point perhaps but I'd think again about getting a credit card. For one for emergencies such as this but also so that you're not solely reliant on cash.

I'd never had need of a credit card purely relying on a debit card. My card got cloned so I cancelled it and was without any card for a few days whilst I awaited the replacement. I realised that was probably not sensible so decided to get a credit card. However, to my surprise, I found out that I had a pretty bad credit rating as a result of never having had any loans (apart from student loan/mortgage).

So you may find it helpful to take out a credit card (and pay off in full each month) purely to help build up your credit rating should you ever find yourself in a situation where you genuinely have need of it.

stinkypoo · 18/12/2018 23:19

Yes absolutely in these circumstances.
Although I've just mortgaged my house to lend the money to my DMum.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 18/12/2018 23:21

Holly it’s a big multinational and there is a deadline for payroll which I started after (and they were a bit “computer says no” about me giving my bank details before I started), so I am just getting my last weeks wage from my previous job, and then will get two months pay in January for this one.

I take home around £2k pcm so it’s a lot to not have! But I should be able to pay my mortgage, council tax, bills, food and petrol for £1k.

OP posts:
DRE56322 · 18/12/2018 23:22

Yes I would. It's a one off and you could pay it back, presumably, or at least part, when you get paid.

pallisers · 18/12/2018 23:22

Absolutely.

We've given a larger sum than that to Dh's brother in similar circumstances. We had it, he needed it.

Perfectly1mperfect · 18/12/2018 23:27

I'd always help my kids out no matter what age. You are obviously very responsible with money but just have a temporary cash flow problem. If your mum can't/won't lend you it, see if you can get a credit card to tide you over.