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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If I was your adult DD would you lend me money

121 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 18/12/2018 22:17

I’ve literaly never asked my mother for a penny since I was about 16 when I got my first job. It’s not something I’m comfortable doing.

Basically due to changing jobs and early Xmas payments I’m getting one weeks wage to last six weeks.

My last months pay and a lot of my savings have been totally totally spanked following an issue with my roof, car tax and insurance coming out on the same month and a quarterly water bill.

I bought my house a few months ago and that’s used up nearly all my savings and my rainy day fund has gone on the roof Sad. It was meant to be what I was going to use to tide me over until I got my full pay in January.
I’m literally in tears daily about how I’m going to cope.
I need to ask my DM for about £1000ish to cover the month (bills, mortgage, food, petrol, no luxuries there)
I’m sure she can afford it and of course I’ll give it back but I’m so nervous she’ll tell me I’m an adult and to sort it out myself Sad

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 18/12/2018 23:29

I would give it to you.
I’m not into the lending kids money.

Redland12 · 18/12/2018 23:32

Absolutely, I actually transferred £2000 into my sons bank account today. He needed it I gave it straight away. I know he’ll repay it, but I’ll probably only take £1000 of it back. I’m sure your mum will help. 🌷

HollowTalk · 18/12/2018 23:34

So the loan is actually really temporary, isn't it?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 18/12/2018 23:36

Yes, DD1(23) repaid me £2k yesterday. Well actually I let her keep £300 of it. First job since graduating and she needed some extra to set herself up in a flat. (We did actually give her some money for this when she graduated in the summer, but she spent it. Hence her having to borrow).

thefinn · 18/12/2018 23:38

If I had it, I would without a shadow of a doubt. And If my dd or son was in that situation I'd like to be aware of it. Can relate, in that I'm not very close to my mum, but she would help.

AcrossthePond55 · 18/12/2018 23:42

Of course I would, I'd give it to them no strings! And I would be upset to know that my child took out a credit card (even with 0% interest) and incurred debt rather than ask me for the money!

oldfatandtired1 · 18/12/2018 23:43

In a heartbeat, yes.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 18/12/2018 23:51

i would be upset to think of my dds worrying about money and would happily give £1k

I do think it's wise to have a credit card though Op. do you book holidays and flights etc with a normal debit card? A credit card gives you more protection. Just pay it off every month. we got caught out when our boiler broke last month. we would have had to pay to replace it using the christmas money we have saved through the year (gutted!) we used a 0% credit card for it and we have a year to pay it off

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 18/12/2018 23:56

Lesson I am taking from this is to apply for a credit card!!

I usually have a really decent rainy day fund but for one reason or another I’ve had to raid it a fair bit of late.
Nothing to show for it except discovering quite how pricey scaffolding is!

OP posts:
BlueJag · 18/12/2018 23:58

Absolutely get a credit card if you can. Would be very convenient and you know you are good with money.
Ask you Mum see what happens but at the same time get the card.
Best of luck.

starsorwater · 18/12/2018 23:59

I'd be so hurt not to be asked.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 18/12/2018 23:59

Please just ask her. It is obvious that you would not (have not) do so if it was not a dire need. Even the coldest hearted of us would say yes. Good luck.

iwasyoungonce · 19/12/2018 00:19

I'd be devastated if my DD was in this predicament and didn't feel comfortable asking me for help!

I've borrowed money from my parents, and my brother during my adult years. And just recently was able to repay the favour when I lent money to my DB.

We've all been there, and it's what families are for.

JaceLancs · 19/12/2018 00:46

I regularly loan adult DC money
I don’t ask often but last year I borrowed 7k off my parents for car
I’m paying them back over 3 years

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 19/12/2018 02:29

If it wasn't for my mam bailing us out recently, we'd have starved and probably had bailiffs at the door!

Armchairanarchist · 19/12/2018 02:47

In these circumstances absolutely. I loaned DS £2,000 towards his new car in June so he didn't need a bank loan. He paid it all back within five months. If I thought he was stupid with money it would be a no.

claraschu · 19/12/2018 03:18

I would give my children anything I have, without a moment's hesitation. I would hate to think that my children wouldn't come to me if they ever needed anything- money, time, child care, a kidney, a place to live...

StillMe1 · 19/12/2018 03:27

The problem as I see it is that you have never asked your DM for a penny, either as a gift or as a loan. DM does not know how good (or not) you would be about repaying the money.
I know a lot of young people live out the Bank of Mum/Dad or even grandparents and think it is a right. I got stung by my own DC so now I would not be giving/lending any money. If DGC were going hungry they could come to me or I pay for them to eat out. As a result of the sting I would be very hesitant.

(The money I lent was a test and my DC failed)

Peridot1 · 19/12/2018 04:00

I think it sounds like you will feel ‘weak’ having to ask and will feel judged and beholden to her.

So I think I would apply for a credit card or overdraft first. Purely a business transaction. Nobody needs to know. And as others have pointed out a credit card is very useful to have for all sorts of reasons.

Also given it is your employer’s fault that you are not getting your December salary I wouldn’t hesitate to ask them for a salary advance. Most companies won’t expect employees to be able to manage without their salary for a month. We all have bills to pay after all.

I would email HR saying “I understand there have been some issues setting me up on the payroll and with my bank details and that from January I will be paid in the normal payroll run however obviously I still have to pay my mortgage etc this month so would like to ask for a salary advance of £1,000 to be paid at the end of December which can then be deducted from the payment due at the end of January which is covering my salary for both December and January. “

It really is up to your employer to sort a way of paying you! Yes it’s easier for them to just let it roll to the end of January but very few people would be able to manage without salary for a month. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. They can give you a cheque. I would email ASAP though so you can get it sorted before Xmas.

Mayrhofen · 19/12/2018 04:02

I would without a doubt but I am super close with my kids and would have known about a possible financial concern before it happened and offered it.

None of my business but I feel sad for a mother/daughter relationship where you are nervous about asking this. My own DM offers to lend me money from her frugal savings at the drop if a hat if I mention anything needs paying. We have a lot more money than her, bless her.

emzw12 · 19/12/2018 04:12

My parents would be upset if they found out I was financially struggling and hadn't told them / asked for some help - ultimately they can still say no if they don't want to or can't afford to.
However, it can be difficult to ask for help in these situations - a 0% credit card might be an option (never ever pay day loans etc), some 0% credit cards are interest free for a few years so you'd have time to pay it back with no interest. Visit Martin Lewis's Money Saving Expert webpage.

Mrstraveller · 19/12/2018 04:21

We’ve helped out my step-son a lot financially over the years. However he does now have a credit card which I know he does use and seems to manage it well in terms of only short term use to tide him over or to buy something which he has a plan to pay back.

I think having a credit card is part of life really. I have had one since being a student at 18. I don’t know how I would have survived financially over the years without one. However in this situation it sounds like you need cash to pay bills and always expensive to use a credit card for cash. I would maybe ask for a short term overdraft or low interest loan to be paid back over a year. Maybe you could ask your mum for a loan but have other options up your sleeve if she says no or sounds grudging about it?

As others have said you could have a credit card in days and use it for food and petrol and just borrow the amount you need to sit in your bank account to pay the DD/SO bills.

tinstar · 19/12/2018 04:48

Absolutely I would - and would be pleased they'd asked.

But as you obviously feel uncomfortable about asking, why on earth don't you just ask your bank for an overdraft/loan? Confused. Or, as others have said, get a credit card.

Unihorn · 19/12/2018 05:08

With good financial history you will easily get an interest free credit card up to 28 months. If you use it wisely you will then continue to get offers through your life for extended 0% on purchases and balance transfers. It's a very good backup to have.

In your situation, and provided I could wait a week, I wouldn't ask my parents, I would just use a card because the amount needed is so low and for such a short amount of time. Even people with less than ideal credit ratings can get 6 month interest free cards.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/12/2018 05:10

It sounds as if you feel uncomfortable asking. That’s a shame. I’d lend it to my dd in a heartbeat.

I see you’re going to ask. But if that doesn’t work, it’s very easy to set up a zero percent credit card, where you can draw down cash. It’s also very easy to set up a loan or overdraft. As long as the loan less than 8k the full amount can be repaid immediately without penalty charges. Overdrafts attract very high interest. 15+%. You just need to get online.

Tbh, however, you should be contacting your employer and asking them to give you an advance of £1k on your wages.