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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If I was your adult DD would you lend me money

121 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 18/12/2018 22:17

I’ve literaly never asked my mother for a penny since I was about 16 when I got my first job. It’s not something I’m comfortable doing.

Basically due to changing jobs and early Xmas payments I’m getting one weeks wage to last six weeks.

My last months pay and a lot of my savings have been totally totally spanked following an issue with my roof, car tax and insurance coming out on the same month and a quarterly water bill.

I bought my house a few months ago and that’s used up nearly all my savings and my rainy day fund has gone on the roof Sad. It was meant to be what I was going to use to tide me over until I got my full pay in January.
I’m literally in tears daily about how I’m going to cope.
I need to ask my DM for about £1000ish to cover the month (bills, mortgage, food, petrol, no luxuries there)
I’m sure she can afford it and of course I’ll give it back but I’m so nervous she’ll tell me I’m an adult and to sort it out myself Sad

OP posts:
JudasPrudy · 18/12/2018 22:27

And if you're good with money I'm sure the bank would give you an overdraft.

Roussette · 18/12/2018 22:27

I lent my DD a lot more than that. But she set out how much she was going to pay me back, how long it was going to take and she didn't miss a payment. All paid back now.
If you can do the same, your DM should, if she can afford it.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 18/12/2018 22:28

As a daughter I would ask and if I was a mother I would lend (or just give if I was in a financial situation that would allow me to) .

GreatGatsby212 · 18/12/2018 22:29

Me and my mom arent super close, but if i need help financially she will always say yes, as long as i have plan to pay her back and its not for something frivolous.

I think most parents would help given the situation.

seventhgonickname · 18/12/2018 22:30

Stick all you petrol , food etc on your credit card.
Pay is usually early in December(leaving Jan a long month).when do you get paid.
Talk to your bank,is there an arranged overdraft facility so that bills for not bounce.With council tax if you miss a month and then pay they are OK.
In the future try and arrange all the bills you can and the mortgage to come out at the beginning of the month and on monthly dd unless it costs more.
Ask your mum but you can probably get through this on your own if you talk to the right people.
Good luck in your new house.

soupey1 · 18/12/2018 22:30

Yes, absolutely and whilst I would expect repayment at some point I would be happy for this to be over as many months as needed.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 18/12/2018 22:31

There’s no animosity we just live several hundred miles away, I moved away (highlands of Scotland to Devon!!!) when I was 18 (ten years ago) and then went to live in east Asia for a while too. No fall out just never been super close.

OP posts:
Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 18/12/2018 22:32

Seventh I don’t have a credit card Blush
I’ve literally never needed one until now!

OP posts:
MaintainTheMolehill · 18/12/2018 22:36

Of course I would. If I could afford it I would either gift it to you as I would be proud that you hadn't asked for any help since you were 16.
You can only ask.

Fantasisa · 18/12/2018 22:36

My mum and I sound very similar to you and your DM. My mum would probably grudgingly lend it to me but that it would be such a big deal to her (she can easily afford it too) would put me off asking. Therefore she would be the last person I would ask.

Letsmoveondude · 18/12/2018 22:36

100% would give you it. It sounds like you’re doing well in life for yourself. We all hit hard times, you’ve done so well to have kept things in hand all this time.

I hope you are really proud of yourself. X

BlueJay1 · 18/12/2018 22:36

Yes, ask.
I'm sure if she can help, she would want to.
As a mother I'd do anything for my dd.

As a daughter I have had help from my parents over the years, not in a million years would they want to see us go without, if they are able to help.

Cheeringmeup · 18/12/2018 22:38

I absolutely would if my son or daughter needed help - specially given that your predicament comes from circumstances out with your control and you seem to be a very put-together person. I would hate to think my children might think I would not help😟

Hellozzz · 18/12/2018 22:41

I would not hesitate. Someone close needed help and I insisted I lent it to them, I would rather they asked then put themselves in trouble. It is what families do if they can. In fact I insisted they kept it as a gift.
For context I had a payoff and had savings, I didn’t notice the money out of my account so didn’t need it back, it helped the. Out a great deal.

ohtheholidays · 18/12/2018 22:41

Of course I would, I've probably lent £1,000(given I refused to take the money back when they tried to pay me back)to my 2 oldest DS's 22 and 20 and the money I gave them wasn't for anything as important as what you need it for.

Ethel36 · 18/12/2018 22:42

Yes if course you should ask and don't feel embarrassed. We all need help from time to time. She will probably be pleased that you confided in her and that she is in a position to help you.

ChristmasRaven · 18/12/2018 22:42

I have lent my adult DC money countless times and, when I hit a bad patch, they lent me money too. Families should help each other out if and when they can. Definitely ask, if she says no she says no, and you will know where you stand in future. But don’t let fear or pride stand in your way.

SometimesMaybe · 18/12/2018 22:43

I absolutely would. Please ask, then get yourself a credit card to see you through (you can apply on line and you will have it in a few days). Pay it off when you get paid and then put it away in a cupboard filed “in case
Of emergency”

Witchend · 18/12/2018 22:44

I would in my circumstances with my dc.

But each situation and relationships are different. We can't say that she should-we can only say that we would. And I've found before that people are much more generous in theory than they actually are in practice.

I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask. But if she says she can't, even if it seems a silly reason, then accept it and don't feel "but everyone else said they would".

madmum5811 · 18/12/2018 22:45

Of course you should ask. We have given and lent money to the DCs when they bought houses. She can only say no. You sound very responsible.

HerRoyalNotness · 18/12/2018 22:46

Of course! And if I was in a position to, I’d gift it (housewarming/Xmas/just because gift)

jessstan2 · 18/12/2018 22:50

Of course I would! I'd be glad to.

However, as back up, someone with your good financial history would have no problem in getting a bank loan and banks are begging people to take out loans atm with very reasonable interest rates. Sometimes no interest for twelve months.

Youngandfree · 18/12/2018 22:51

Without a doubt!!

Iwanttoswingfromachandier · 18/12/2018 22:51

God yes without a second thought - albeit I have a very close relationship with my mum and know for a fact she would give it me in a heartbeat and wouldn't care how long it took to pay back.

And I would give my son my last and if it couldn't be paid back I'd still do it.

PeaQiwiComHequo · 18/12/2018 22:51

whilst as a mum I would certainly be happy to help a child in the circumstances you describe, another possibility is your employer. whilst it wouldn't be a regular thing, many employers can give an advance on wages in unusual situations.