I have Aspergers and I am about to fail my probation at work for 'not being a team player'

[hopelessme]

I'm heartbroken really.

I've been in my new job 6 months now and my 3 month probation report went well and I was told there were no problems etc. My 6 month review comes and my manager told me that my 'conduct is unacceptable'.

She reeled off a load of examples including me not offering to help a colleague out when they were overwhelmed with work, not offering to make others a drink when I make myself one, not contributing to conversations, taking the last of the milk and not replacing it among other things. She said that she needed staff to be team players as the team is a close and friendly team who help each other out and they find me very frustrating. She said that I was inconsiderate of others and was not committed to the growth of the team. The general idea of the conversation is that I'm self cantered and not a team player.

I've been told I need to work on my contribution to the team and I shall be reviewed in 4 weeks time. She knows I have Aspergers syndrome and I was diagnosed just 12 months ago after waiting years to be diagnosed. I am female and come across initially articulate and confident so people don't realise I have Aspergers and it is very common for me to be wrongly thought of as arrogant and selfish.

Obviously legally I could take this further but I don't want to and that's my decision.

However I am so sad. All I wanted was to have a job I enjoyed and was successful at and I tried so hard to be the best worker I could be and still failed miserably.

Although the male members of staff have been much more understanding of me and I have found them a sense of support and shall stay in contact.

I have done quite a bit of work around how to behave at work but in reality social norms and especially unwritten office rules are incredibly hard for me to master and it is always going to be something I struggle with. I shall learn from this experience and see where I could work on understanding office culture better.

AIBU to feel that while my actions may have seemed inconsiderate or selfish, a bit of understanding that this is a symptom of an employee with Aspergers should be expected? Surely if you're actively going to employ someone with Aspergers you know that symptoms they have. Or is my manager reasonable as whatever the cause of my actions, the action is still undesirable.

Whatever happens now I do think it's sad she has presumed me to be inconsiderate and selfish when I'm not at all.

I would love to work with you! So much easier if everyone just made ourselves a quick cuppa when we wanted one?

Same here. In my first job, the office junior made everyone a cuppa mid morning and mid afternoon, coming around with a tray of cups. It was frowned upon to make your own between times. If the office junior wasn't in, the task fell to the next most junior person (me) which I found extremely stressful. After a year or so, they saw the light and provided a hot drinks machine instead and we were "free" to go and get our own as and when we wanted. It was brilliant - freedom and no pressure to make for others.

Thing is, having worked in a European company it seems that being blunt and direct is more acceptable, particularly with respect to STEM. I prefer it when people point out what I can do better early on rather than letting it get bad until they snap because I am under the delusion that it was good enough.

OP you will clearly be missed by your colleagues. It sounds like working under a manager like that wasn't the best thing for you.

You sound very positive, hopefully you can take away some constructive learns ie knock before entering a door or wait until the other person leaves. However the tea ordering sounds nonsense. I would find it very inefficient to see someone offer to make everyone tea!

Good luck