To Ask About The Most Hilariously Awful Xmas Gifts You've Received

[Absofuckinglutely]

Lighthearted thread. The SIL's awful gift thread on here today made me wonder what the worst Xmas presents you've ever received are.

My stepmum - dad's third wife (who clearly doesn't like me and promotes her daughters and grandchildren over my child - whom she blatantly doesn't care two hoots about), gives the worst presents of all time.

There have been a few - monogrammed animal print dressing gowns for myself and my ex DH (we were still married at the time, she's not THAT bad). Cheapest, most flammable and flimsy material ever, Ex DH's barely skimmed his bum, and funniest of all, bore my married initial, when she knew perfectly well I had kept my maiden name.

The worst / best though was a bottle of vodka. Not too bad you're thinking......however, it had been opened and almost a third was missing. I shit you not. She'd clearly just gone into her cupboard and pulled out any old bottle that was lurking about and popped it in a gift bag - job done.

I'd also like to mention that they are incredibly wealthy people.

I now shake my head, laugh and wait for the next hilarious instalment of awful present giving.

Do regale me with your tales of crap present giving....

Armchair that's so ugly it's actually fantastic! I would love that!

Some udder cream designed for cows from my aunt. Said it would help with my dry hands.

I was 26 and not reptile like.

Also the standard flannel pjs from the now deceased Mil. Size 18. ‘I’m thinking of your comfort’. I was a size 6/8 at the time. However I’d give anything to have her back and buying me inappropriate gifts.

@HeffalumpsDaughter - oh, god, the calendar...I think I'd have put a sticker over the offending article!

Our worst gift from my ILs was a nice set of luggage.

We knew it was nice because we'd bought it for them the year before.

Lady

I love that too!

My now-ex bought me a tyre compressor for my one Christmas ,it was the third, he didn't bother to buy anything for the first one and the second was an odd assortment of "generic girlfriend presents" like a Take That CD (I don't like TT) and a box of chocolates.

For my first birthday with him he bought me a (Tesco value) swimming cap, because I hate swimming. He had some theory that I only don't like swimming because I don't like getting my hair wet (untrue) and that I had not by the age of 43 figured out how to avoid it and so he would show me the answer with a cheap swimming cap.
That was not all he got me - he also got me Tesco value goggles and a thing that pinches your nose.

Never used any of them oddly enough.

My 'best' friend whose two boys I had been buying gifts for for many years, birthdays, Xmas, Christening (well, the older, the younger I wasn't invited so I didn't bother) bought my then 13yo stepson a bar of chocolate. Just an ordinary, not big, not special, bar of chocolate. He doesn't like chocolate, it didn't have a tag with his name so I reckon she didn't buy him anything and just took something from an emergency gifts pile - even though she knew we were coming and would have gifts for her boys and stepson always spent a lot of time with her boys as they loved him (being an older boy who knew about computer games etc). I have never seen her boys open a present from me as they always get scurried away to be 'saved' for The Day, and about Feb I get a thank you note, just in time for me to post the birthday gift, the thank you note for that comes in May and doubles as my birthday card.

I've stopped bothering, godson gets a £20 Amazon voucher now, that's it, given up wasting emotional energy on her.

An ex boyfriend borrowed £60 off me once. He also took a book of mine, lent it to a friend and never got it back. For my birthday I got a replacement of the book he gave away with £60 stuck inside it. Not wrapped, just gave it to me and said happy birthday.
Replaced my book, and gave me the money he owed me.

The Christmas prior to my birthday he bought me a few bits and wrapped it all up as one present. Doesn't sound too bad, but it came from a place of utter laziness on his part.

His auntie gave me a pack of paper napkins as a Christmas present too.

.

SAD OTTER - I read your post about the lube and laughed and I'm going to go off the point of this thread with my post but it ties in with mums naivety years ago.

My mother in law had a pulsating massager thing, she was recommended to use it to relax muscles as she had rheumatic problems. She would talk about her 'vibrator', how it helped her. At dinner one day with other people she said it was best when F (her husband) used her vibrator on her. We could hardly contain ourselves.

Anyway sorry for diversion, back to children. (I have to say my child, who was older when the above took place, nearly spluttered in his dinner.)

What's with receiving bigger sized clothes!! I'm a size 10 and mil got me size 14 pjs, and claims to be a size 14-16 herself, she is way way bigger than me,

An ex boyfriend bought me a huge teddy bear, from Asda, which he had sprayed with the aftershave he wore, so I could cuddle it and think of him. I was about 26.

My in-laws are absolutely lovely, but we don’t have much common ground. They know I like a particular animal, and every year they buy me a load of tat with that animal on it. They probably spend about £30 on it, and it often ends up as the window display in the Red Cross shop. Last year I was furious at DP because they actually asked him what I would like, and he “forgot” to say. I like baths, wine, nail polish, candles, chocolate, really easy things that don’t cost much.

My grandmother used to buy stuff from catalogues, because she liked the post arriving. No thought at all for what or whom. She then used to have to try to give them to people at birthdays and Christmasses.

My Mum once got a giant adult potty with a plastic rose growing from the side. My mum wasn't yet forty. It had come from some medical catalogue for people in sheltered housing. And when I started university, Granny gave me a silver plated duck shaped decanter. It's hard to convey how cheaply made this thing was: you know cheap chip shop bottles for salt and vinegar? It was made like that, thick and ridged, with shoddily cast steel for beak and feet. She meant it totally seriously, but actually it was a huge uni hit because it was so fucking hideous, and it looked like you poured blood when you poured red wine, and its eyes would follow you around the room. It was such a hit friends started wanting them, and she was thrilled and ordered more for me.

It's in a charity shop now, which is a shame because digging up the photo, they still sell the fuckers and now they're worth sixty quid each. Using the, "worth" in its loosest sense.

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar those fridge handles! Thank God you weren't local, so didn't have to use them every time she popped over.

MIL got me this one year. It would have been almost OK but it blew hot air at about 200 degrees and scorched my scalp.

For my birthday I got a replacement of the book he gave away

Ah, yes, my ex broke the lid of my tagine, was unrepentant and cross with me for being upset, so he bought me a new one - as my Valentine present. Mind you, it beat the cactus he had given me the year before (which went straight in the bin).

My personal awful fave present was from my sis when I was a fashion conscious teen. it was a Christmas jumper with huge googly eyes where one of the eyes + nose had fallen off and was knitted in a hideous slime green colour in a kind of long-haired-cat shedding material (think Boomtown rats with a horror twist). I wore it all through Christmas day. Dsis is fab, by the way, and could give me a sack full of cow poo and I’d still know she was a most wonderous person.But am finally realising she might be a little challenged on the present buying front.

My dad bought my mum a steering wheel cover for Christmas one year. Don't think she spoke to him until New Years.

He now runs all gifts past me first.

From MIL ive had a fake michael kors bag, fake uggs 2 sizes too small and a lush bath bomb gift box that was old and had gone mouldy. All stuff handed into the charity shop she managed and kept back for me for Christmas or my birthday. Honestly i think she hates me. Dh told her off 2 years ago after I opened the lush box that was literally mouldy and last year she gave me a £20 new look voucher which was better. This year shes decided not to give us presents. Thank goodness!

ExH used to buy me horrible, cheap tat or things that we needed for the house anyway. After we separated I took great pleasure in setting the DC loose in Asda with £5 each (they were 3 and 5) and wrapping the random assortment of junk they chose. This year I’ve been boring and done ‘guided’ gifting.

Same exH was tasked by me with buying Christmas presents for his father and brother. He was all huffy because present-buying and everything else was a ‘woman’s job’ and left it til the last minute on Christmas Eve to try to guilt me into doing it. They ended up with an ordinary set of plain black socks each, wrapped in an Asda carrier bag. They’re both misogynistic, selfish, lazy pigs too so I didn’t feel particularly sorry for them.

On a happier note, I have an uncle who’s renowned for buying all his presents at car boot sales. The box never matches the contents. I borrowed the garden hose he got my parents one year when I’d had new turf laid and my own hose burst, only to open the box and find a vacuum cleaner attachment. My parents, DP and I cried with laughter.

A cd by an artist I HATE - which he knew I hated and why! (too outing to say who) - from then husband (should've read the signs then - by my birthday we were split).

30 year veggie - I've had numerous leather, suede & sheepskin gifts and even once a real fur hat - givers knew I was veggie and wouldn't use any of that. All people who had made numerous digs about my vegetarianism. No longer get gifts off them for various reasons which is fine but also I don't have to get them anything (and I got them bloody good gifts!)

Lots of too small clothes from relatives (I was v slim until I was mid 30's and I'm still thought of as 'the skinny one' by certain relatives - i wish!) although this has on occasion included sis who I'm now I
Nc with and she definitely knew my correct size and just used it to have a dig about me gaining weight - which is a bit rich as she's bigger than me!

Ex fiances mother a diet cookbook - I was a size 6 at the time and struggled to keep the weight on!

Bluntness100 omg! The cheapness is the least of it - what kind of man wants the woman he sleeps with to smell the same as his mother?!

"Most of those are exactly the kind of thing l'd love, except the ukulele. Maybe we could do a deal here...." Are you reminiscing about Saturday swap shop after a couple of drinks? 😬

"Past favourites include
One oven glove
A single duvet
His own autobiography
A bible leaflet" hang on a second! That was an attempted hit & run - who is he that he's had his autobiography published?!

Every year ( and on my birthday for the last 15 years ) my inlaws give me a children's book from a charity shop- usually with the price left in. Most cost around £1- £2.

I didn't mind this so much when my kids were small but they are all teenagers now -yet I still get children's books for 5-10 year olds.

Last Xmas, it was a fairly scuffed copy of 'Peter Pan and Wendy' and for my birthday I got some second hand Ladybird books. I have to give them to charity now because my children have often already read them or they are too old, plus I just don't have the house room.

It's my birthday, not my kids' so why are they buying me children's books? None are collectable or rare editions just ordinary books from charity for a few pence.

I am truly baffled as to why they do it! I keep hoping that once my eldest reaches 20, they will think "hmmmm... maybe Ruperbear doesn't want or need any more children's books! Let's buy her a grown up present instead .......

Not sure if anyone's already mentioned it, but I'm sure last year on here I read a thread about a woman's DH buying her chutney for Christmas!

A bath bomb from poundland, from sister, when she knew I only had a shower.

MaryLou, I love chutney, and would actually be pretty happy with that

This wasn't a Christmas present but I was reminded of this yesterday...

A few years ago my DH went on a training day at a local hotel. They were given a buffet lunch etc. On the way back he phoned and said 'I've brought you a treat back home' sounding pleased with himself. I was imagining a nice cake or chocolate. He proudly handed me a small thing wrapped scruffily in a napkin. It was a pear. I thought he was joking. He wasn't and seemed slightly put out at my reaction. I mean yes I like pears but they're not a fun treat.

Got same phone call yesterday after his work christmas buffet. Thankfully it was a lovely slice of cake although it was wrapped in a [clean] specimen bag (he's a Dr!)

I got a grave plot for my 50th- it was the best present ever.