To Ask About The Most Hilariously Awful Xmas Gifts You've Received

[Absofuckinglutely]

Lighthearted thread. The SIL's awful gift thread on here today made me wonder what the worst Xmas presents you've ever received are.

My stepmum - dad's third wife (who clearly doesn't like me and promotes her daughters and grandchildren over my child - whom she blatantly doesn't care two hoots about), gives the worst presents of all time.

There have been a few - monogrammed animal print dressing gowns for myself and my ex DH (we were still married at the time, she's not THAT bad). Cheapest, most flammable and flimsy material ever, Ex DH's barely skimmed his bum, and funniest of all, bore my married initial, when she knew perfectly well I had kept my maiden name.

The worst / best though was a bottle of vodka. Not too bad you're thinking......however, it had been opened and almost a third was missing. I shit you not. She'd clearly just gone into her cupboard and pulled out any old bottle that was lurking about and popped it in a gift bag - job done.

I'd also like to mention that they are incredibly wealthy people.

I now shake my head, laugh and wait for the next hilarious instalment of awful present giving.

Do regale me with your tales of crap present giving....

Not really hilarious but my aunt insisted on buying me huge pants every year. Size 16 at aged 12. Terribly conducive to a positive body image. Let's just leave it there (thankfully now nc, and not just because of the presents!)

I once got a selection of lube from my mum 'to help with stress'. Mum is very naive and we don't have the sort of relationship where we have ever joked about anything sex related. I think she thought it was bath stuff or massage oil or something, she couldn't get why my big brother nearly choked when I opened it, or why DH had to leave the room.

During one of the mildest winters on record one year, my nan bought everyone, including me, clip-on snow shoes in randomly assorted sizes.

We lived in London.

My SIL, the second Christmas DH and I were dating, got us a couples cracker which she insisted we pulled during the family Christmas. This included her two dc aged about 9 & 12. It looked cutesy on the outside so it wasn't until the pair of fluffy handcuffs came flying out that we realised. The damn thing had some range, so the adults were searching across the room to make sure we'd found everything. This included a cracker joke style sheet with a visual depiction of a kama sutra position.

A couple of years ago, two young adult family friends both got me the same floral scarf. It was quite a nice scarf and I do wear them a fair bit. It just did scream 'what to buy your middle aged aunt'.

Not me, but when I was younger my mum got our two cousins matching headbands with their name on. She thought it was such a good find at the local Charity Shop but it turns out they were the ones who donated them a couple of weeks prior

My mill buys awful gifts but they are usually just a couple of quid so I have no compunction about taking them to the charity shop in January. One year she gave me a truly hideous set of turquoise blue pearl jewellery she had bought on a trip to see family in Japan. A multi strand choker necklace with matching bracelet, earrings and brooch. It would have been too old fashioned for the Queen to wear (although Alexis Carrington would have rocked it) and must have cost an absolute fortune. I still have it unworn in the boxes and am hoping it might come back in fashion one day so I can bequeath it to one of the GC.

Well played, @LotsToThinkOf, well played!

This year I've bought pyjamas and a selection box, she's enforced the £40 budget again and I'm dying to see her face when she sees we haven't spent that amount. I'm going to tell her, on account of the plastic microphone last year that we understood the budget to be 'up to £40' so we've made sure to stay under to avoid any embarrassment through extravagant gifts, like last year. She'll be furious.

A little silver pot with my DH and other family members baby teeth in from when they were kids - from the MIL. I was so shocked at this little tin of teeth that I insisted DH contact his mother in case it was a mistake and she didn't know they were in the (pretty) tin. oh no, she knew - she thought I might like them as they belonged to my ancestors!!! Their not my ancestors! Truly weird.

A catering size tin of Bisto gravy Browning. A vacuum attachment to remove pet hair. Practical!

LotsToThinkOf
Please do a thread of how it all went

My Mum's Aunty gave her a pair of Odoreaters for Christmas.Mum was very offended

DH once got a soap on a rope from his grandma and I got given a half box of teabags complete with the tombola ticket still attached 😂

I’ve just remembered another awful one. I got a Secret Santa of a naked charity calendar of our local rugby team. Quite thoughtful really, as it’s a team I supported and followed closely. The main reason I supported and followed them though was because my brother played for them. It wasn’t a pleasant March that year having to look at the shaft of my brothers cock every time I consulted the calendar on my desk.

My 17 year old DDs school secret Santa gift was a box of matchmakers (no problem - they were even in date), a can of Red Bull (a bit odd but not offensive from another teenager I guess), and a large plastic squeezy bottle of mayonnaise (fucking bonkers - no idea of the significance - not sure if random panic gift or whether it has weird sexual connotations!) We are assuming the gift came from one of the boys...are we naively missing something?

These are brilliant!!
Livingthegoodlife...the tin of teeth

@Madbengalmum, your post about reciprocating by buying your father a camouflage fleecey balaclava really made me laugh.

I got a lovely body shop gift set once as secret Santa.

Everything in it had been opened, some of the contents of the bottles were missing and, possibly most bizarrely, there was a rewritable CD full of pornographic videos hidden in the back of it.

Matching mugs with "keep calm it's only a baby" on, when I was pregnant with DC1. It wasn't an easy pregnancy and I'd just been diagnosed with a pregnancy related problem which still causes me problems today. I told DH to take them away or I would throw them at something (it was one of his family that bought them).

My granddad is the best for this, I look forward to his presents every year!

Past favourites include
One oven glove
A single duvet
His own autobiography
A bible leaflet

DH and I were given one of those Willow Tree faceless ornaments for our anniversary. It's a couple on a bench having a hug. Sort of older, slightly dumpy "comfortable" looking iyswim. Clearly meant to represent us.
Its displayed on a shelf next to our slender, elegant, rather gorgeous wedding cake topper to show the "before and after"

A girl guide tea towel.
I was not a girl guide for twenty years prior. I am not involved in the organisation. My children aren't either.
One of my children was given a second hand soft toy. Approximately worth 10p in a charity shop.

The person in question is an elderly, compus mentus and financially well off relative.

The previous year, I received a broken pair of hideous earrings.
It became an entertaining family joke.

The same person attended a Christmas celebration, held by my parents. My parents are not very well off - but very kind and considerate. My parents had provided a well stocked bar for any drinkers.
She asked for the (large and unopened) bottle of Scotch, offering my Dad £5, because 'her friend would love it for Christmas'.
He gave her it (free), but was totally baffled and offended.

Am hoping it's not the start of a trend. O don't want a terracotta army.

My IL’s will be arriving on Sunday. I shall take a photo of my faceless army once I’ve assembled them. If I start now I should have them all out of the loft by the weekend.

HeffalumpsDaughter

Just received a rabbit fur hat for my veggie Dd and for my Ds a thing that looks like a weird shower cap. Really, hand on heart, no idea what it is. Gave their Dc something from list costing £50. Yep, am aware the giving shouldn’t be looking at what was received but am allowed to be a bit bemused?