To Ask About The Most Hilariously Awful Xmas Gifts You've Received

[Absofuckinglutely]

Lighthearted thread. The SIL's awful gift thread on here today made me wonder what the worst Xmas presents you've ever received are.

My stepmum - dad's third wife (who clearly doesn't like me and promotes her daughters and grandchildren over my child - whom she blatantly doesn't care two hoots about), gives the worst presents of all time.

There have been a few - monogrammed animal print dressing gowns for myself and my ex DH (we were still married at the time, she's not THAT bad). Cheapest, most flammable and flimsy material ever, Ex DH's barely skimmed his bum, and funniest of all, bore my married initial, when she knew perfectly well I had kept my maiden name.

The worst / best though was a bottle of vodka. Not too bad you're thinking......however, it had been opened and almost a third was missing. I shit you not. She'd clearly just gone into her cupboard and pulled out any old bottle that was lurking about and popped it in a gift bag - job done.

I'd also like to mention that they are incredibly wealthy people.

I now shake my head, laugh and wait for the next hilarious instalment of awful present giving.

Do regale me with your tales of crap present giving....

A packet of Christmas paper napkins. For my Christmas.

A friend of mine gave me a „coffee table“ book about cross dressing Taliban for Xmas.
www.amazon.co.uk/Taliban-Thomas-Dworzak/dp/0954264851?tag=mumsnetforum-21

I’m usually quite good at keeping my composure, feigning delight at weird presents, but here I failed.

@SparklingSaskia I clicked on the link - arrives before Christmas......... So tempting! 😂

Do we have the same Mil chucky? I has the ferrero richer Stu t pulled too!

'D'H bought me cranberry red bull and Jagermeister. That was my whole present. I hate Jäger and the red bull was just random. Apparently he thought it was Christmassy. Still haven't got to the bottom of why that was a great idea.

My sister is almost 20 years older than me and the summer furbies came out, she had bought a lovely purple one for herself that 5 year old me was fascinated with but I was never allowed to play with. Whenever we visited her house, I remember looking at it on her shelf, wishing I could play with it. Then for Christmas that year... I got the furbie. Minus the box so, she'd obviously gotten bored of the childs toy she had bought as a novelty.

She never really improved with the gift giving and one gave me a shower head. One that lit up when the water ran through it so "it could be like a disco in your shower". I used it once.

I also made the mistake of telling her that I love the smell of vanilla.
Cue her buying my any thing she could that was vanilla scented.
One Christmas I has a bag full of random vanilla scented things.

Last Christmas she bought me a trio of chilli sauces when she knows I am a complete spice wuss. Doritos heatwave are too hot for me.

I got a box of used hankies from a great great auntie, (clean thankfully), in a cardboard box that dated them at about 40 years old already. I was about 10 at the time and thought it was a bit naff but didnt say anything as i thought i was being ungrateful but then i overheard my mum and gran talking about it in the kitchen (they were not impressed).

Funny thing was, they were actually quite nice and i used them and was absolutely gutted when i accidentely flushed one down the toilet

I’ll always remember one christmas when I was young, my incredibly wealthy godmother gave me a pencil and a WHSmith voucher for £3.54. My mum (her best friend) was gobsmacked!

*A friend of mine gave me a „coffee table“ book about cross dressing Taliban for Xmas.
]]

I’m usually quite good at keeping my composure, feigning delight at weird presents, but here I failed.*
Eh? Seriously, eh?

My mum once got a book about cystitis from her mil, who also gave my dad a book about uk lorry companies...I think i got off quite lightly with a set of ball point pens (I was early teens)

When I was around 4 or 5 I got a burial plot from my Grandmother.
A Nerf Gun for birthday and another for Christmas from DH.
Ceramic shoe ornaments that wouldn't stand as there were only half of them. I was a teen and have never been fond of shoes.

Fish flops. Yes they are a thing. Flip flops that lol like fish. Horrific. Lol

Poundland perfume with a thick layer of dust on the box still...

Both from my MIL (who hates me for marrying her Son 20+ years ago)

A used shower puff (like the ones your get with bath/shower gift sets), that had probably been sitting on the side of her bath for many years a little while, as it absolutely stank.

A used Amazon giftcard. She’d bought the voucher cards for everyone from a supermarket/shop but when I came to put the code in from my card, it wouldn’t work. I realise now that MIL had bought the cards, put each one in separate envelopes but applied ‘my’ code to her own Amazon account so I got, well nothing for that Christmas.

My MIL was once given a tea tray (complete with stains and tea rings) in a Secret Santa

A burial plot! sosoverytired You win the thread!

Secret Santa one year with my post grad classmates. I got a cheap voice distorter. It's stopped working after 5 mins.

My mother is of the 'quantity' not 'quality' mindset. Though once we became adults the quantity dropped off too.
Memorable gifts include...

A plastic tub of cotton wool when I was 12. The tub was opaque with a brown screw lid that came from goodness knows where (jumble sale is my best guess) that she'd filled with cotton wool. I did ask what I was supposed to do with it and she thought I could use it to remove the make up that I never wore....

A resuseable shopping bag that folds up with scenes of London on it. To be fair, it was fairly useful, but that year it was my only gift alongside some plain white trainer socks from Asda. I love getting socks, I have no problem with supermarket brands. But she knows that I love funky and outrageous socks. So why she picked white when there would have been bright ones on the next book is beyond me. Also, the shopping bag broke with a month.

A set of hair accessories for primary aged children in school colours. I passed them on to my best friends daughter as they were the school colour of our DCs school.

DH got a massive pair of headphones one year. In a Hugo Boss box. Clearly the free gift, but he didn't get the aftershave (also would have been a jumble sale find). Again, we queried it. Turns out she thought he'd like to listen to the stereo without disturbing me. He would not.

He also got thick white sports socks when I said he'd like plain black for work.

We're NC now (not because of the gifts)

Although this is the mother that complained to my grandmother after one Mother's Day that I hadn't got her a physical gift.

No, but I had travelled from my home 100+ miles away on the day to be with her and taken her out for lunch at the venue of her choice.

I once got a post it note dispenser in the shape of a handbag from my sil

Baby blue, suede, knee height boots! Booooootiful! (not envy!)

An ex once bought me 'The A-Z of Superstitions' for Christmas. Other ones that missed the mark were fancy candles (I light candles once a year at Christmas if we're doing it) and Red Door perfume (only wear a few perfumes very occasionally because they make me sneeze). I'm never keen on bath or shower smellies either because my skin doesn't like them.

I pointed to a book and said 'If you're buying me a book, I don't want that one'. Come the 25th there it was, 'Oh I remembered you mentioning it!'

This has happened to me.

I went off it!

*This year I've bought pyjamas and a selection box, she's enforced the £40 budget again and I'm dying to see her face when she sees we haven't spent that amount. I'm going to tell her, on account of the plastic microphone last year that we understood the budget to be 'up to £40' so we've made sure to stay under to avoid any embarrassment through extravagant gifts, like last year. She'll be furious.

I invoke my MN right (as specified in the Magna Carta) to get an update, preferably with a photograph, or diagram, of said SIL's face when she opens the gifts (which still sound too good for her).

ferret world with some pages missing?

Must have taken the risqué ones out in case the kids saw them. (The pages weren't sticking together, were they?)

People keep giving me scarves. I only way scarves on the most bitterly cold days and yet every year I get given 2 or 3 new scarves. I now have about 40 in the cupboard. I just don't understand why people think I want them given that they never see me wearing a scarf.

If they never see you wearing one, you must obviously need one (I also speak as the recipient of many, many cheap, nasty scarves)

I was a 14 year old boy! I wanted Lynx!

Lynx AFRICA!!!!!

Am I right, gremlins?