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To Ask About The Most Hilariously Awful Xmas Gifts You've Received

312 replies

Absofuckinglutely · 18/12/2018 18:10

Lighthearted thread. The SIL's awful gift thread on here today made me wonder what the worst Xmas presents you've ever received are.

My stepmum - dad's third wife (who clearly doesn't like me and promotes her daughters and grandchildren over my child - whom she blatantly doesn't care two hoots about), gives the worst presents of all time.

There have been a few - monogrammed animal print dressing gowns for myself and my ex DH (we were still married at the time, she's not THAT bad). Cheapest, most flammable and flimsy material ever, Ex DH's barely skimmed his bum, and funniest of all, bore my married initial, when she knew perfectly well I had kept my maiden name.

The worst / best though was a bottle of vodka. Not too bad you're thinking......however, it had been opened and almost a third was missing. I shit you not. She'd clearly just gone into her cupboard and pulled out any old bottle that was lurking about and popped it in a gift bag - job done.

I'd also like to mention that they are incredibly wealthy people.

I now shake my head, laugh and wait for the next hilarious instalment of awful present giving.

Do regale me with your tales of crap present giving....

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Ahardmanisgoodtofind · 19/12/2018 00:07

A ruffled "scarf"/ collar, like a clown might wear from mil.
Wine. I'm allergic to wine. I get at least one bottle a year off someone.
Aunt always gives me odd stretchy dresses in XL that she's bought and doesn't like. She's a size 18-20 I'm 10-12.

Dh got an ice scraper. A year before he even took driving lessons.

AleFailTrail · 19/12/2018 00:48

When I was about seven I was given a Barbie doll. Proper one, all branded, sparkly pink...

I hated barbie. I loathed pink. I wanted Thomas the tank engine stuff. I somehow at that age managed to rip her head off in a ‘train crash’

My sister is still traumatised 20-odd years later Grin

Korvalscat · 19/12/2018 01:01

A china tablespoon with random bumps. It was green and orange. My sister was given a similar sized china fork also with bumps, hers was blue and brown. It was a toss up which was ugliest.

Picknickers · 19/12/2018 01:10

A tartan shopping trolley. I was 21 at the time.

Fizzyboo · 19/12/2018 01:19

My dads gf gave me a "Christmas straw" made from some industrial piping (complete with curve from being on the roll) with tinsel attaches to the top.

LorraineBainesMcFly · 19/12/2018 01:23

An 8 inch, fully erect, solid chocolate penis.
It was startlingly detailed.

Was from my ex-BF’s mother. She was not keen on me. Everyone else got a ‘special’ bone china mug and I got the chocolate cock plus was made to open it in front of his whole family. I was mortified but she thought she was hilarious. No one else laughed.

Some of these are brilliant! Loving the dolphin toothpick dispenser- so useful and tasteful.

AGHHHH · 19/12/2018 01:59

A can of Diet Pepsi.

Not even full fat.

ImogenTubbs · 19/12/2018 02:02

First Christmas I dated now DH, FIL bought me fake designer handbag that he bought at a Turkish street market. The quality was so bad that it literally broke as I was unwrapping it. I opened it in front of them. First and last time he's seen me speechless. (He's got much better at gift giving since then.)

Couple of years ago cousin got me a bird house with a camera inside so you can see the birds setting up home. Quite sweet but we live in another country and transporting it in its massive heavy box overseas to our rented house isn't ever going to be s priority. It's boxed up in DM's loft. Maybe one day!

SneakyGremlinsBrokeTheSleigh · 19/12/2018 02:23

Women's pajamas Xmas Hmm

Atchiclees · 19/12/2018 02:37

ExMIL, who I get along with ok, bought me the Fifty Shades book the year it was all the rage and I was remarried and pregnant. She knows I don’t read fiction books and she has never ever seen me read at all in fact. I never found out if she knew what it was about and Thought she was being clever or having a dig, or if she had regifted it. I never mentioned it ever as was planning to say if she asked I hadn’t got round to reading it yet, what was it about?

sashh · 19/12/2018 04:02

I have arthritis.

It's bad, bad enough to permanently disable me.

I have had to stop doing a lot of things I used to enjoy, mainly crafts and cooking. I rarely write anything and if I do I use a pencil as it hurts less than a pen.

As a teenager I wasn't allowed to go to college for art but I did do A Level art so had lots of art materials that I later gave to my mum.

This year I have developed a second type of arthritis in one hand.

To make life easier I use an electric tooth brush, have an ergonomic mouse, read on a kindle as holding books can be painful, use lightweight pans. You get the idea, my hands don't work well and I often need to use wrist splints (I have both resting splints and ones to support my hands when not resting).

So why over the last few years have I been given:

books
fimo
paints and sketch book
a colouring book
water colour pencils
a ukulele
ceramic cafetiere (weighed a ton)
a kit to make a sock into a soft toy

Every year it's like I'm being told, "look what you used to be able to do".

toomuchisneverenough · 19/12/2018 04:21

MIL a book on healthy eating and some bust firming cream from Asda

FixItUpChappie · 19/12/2018 04:21

Last year, my mother gave me a yellow pastel golf hat with a lighthouse on it and a plastic ruler from a souvenir shop.

Truly, every year, it's as if we've never met.

Mayrhofen · 19/12/2018 04:23

@heffalumpsdaughter I properly laughed out loud at that, laid here in bed at 4:20. Your faceless Terracotta Army tickled me!

floribunda18 · 19/12/2018 05:07

Blimey, I'd never heard of nor seen Willow Tree figures before. Haha!

proseccoaficcionado · 19/12/2018 05:24

When I was with my ex, we visited before Christmas her Dsis and DBIL.

We took gifts for them (she got a leather backpack as I know she liked them, he got cycling gloves and their daughter got a beautiful winter jacket). You know what we got? A ANCIENT filming camera (the ones that had casettes in it!!!).

Turns out they bought for themselves YEARS ago, and never used it.

fieryginger · 19/12/2018 05:29

A plaque about being a great teacher from mil. I'm not a teacher. We do get on great, honestly.

Bluebonnieblue · 19/12/2018 06:00

I've had to stop reading at page 2 because I'm meant to be working and reading this sneakily but foiling myself as I'm literally crying with laughter at my desk... Going to carry on when I get home because I'm getting funny looks

Frogletmamma · 19/12/2018 06:16

Dh once bought me a beautifully wrapped rear indicator light. The following year he got cable ties ( theme going here)

tillytrotter1 · 19/12/2018 06:24

Walking round Waterstones a few years back with OH, when we actually went out Christmas shopping, I pointed to a book and said 'If you're buying me a book, I don't want that one'. Come the 25th there it was, 'Oh I remembered you mentioning it!'
This the same OH who gave me a Terry's chocolate orange for my 50th, it's something I loathe and he knows it!
My Aunt once gave me three very fluffy tea-towels, utterly useless, OH got a bottle of Scotch.

Warpdrive · 19/12/2018 06:30

My gran once gave me a plastic poncho. The type you get when you go on the log flume at Alton Towers. My brothers thought it was hilarious and made me put it on. That’s when we saw the words emblazoned on the back, ‘Compliments of the Heritage Museum, Cape Cod’. She’d been given it on one of her fancy holidays earlier that year!

I’m gonna be generous and put it down to her dementia —which didn’t kick in till much later but if I don’t make an excuse I’ll get sad about it—

wrongsideofhistorymyarse · 19/12/2018 06:32

My dad bought me the same Only Fools and Horses game two years running.

I'm not a fan.

LotsToThinkOf · 19/12/2018 06:53

Luggage tags and a compact mirror in a gift box, clearly some sort of free gift. It was from DH's sister before we got married, the box was all battered. I bought her a wine glass set and wine - as specified on her Christmas gift list that we were given strict instructions to adhere to because she "doesn't like tat". MIL was very insistent in facilitating this as we can't have SIL being upset now can we? Not at Christmas.

After agreeing to the £40 budget she decided on for nieces and nephews last year we bought her DD a £40 play set. She bought mine a plastic microphone that uses echo to project the voice, it doesn't plug in or anything. Probably cost £5.

This year I've bought pyjamas and a selection box, she's enforced the £40 budget again and I'm dying to see her face when she sees we haven't spent that amount. I'm going to tell her, on account of the plastic microphone last year that we understood the budget to be 'up to £40' so we've made sure to stay under to avoid any embarrassment through extravagant gifts, like last year. She'll be furious.

NonExistentFox · 19/12/2018 06:58

An faded copy of Ferret World magazine with some pages missing.

Raindancer411 · 19/12/2018 07:18

Ohhh LotsToThinkOf, I want to be a fly on the wall