To Ask About The Most Hilariously Awful Xmas Gifts You've Received

[Absofuckinglutely]

Lighthearted thread. The SIL's awful gift thread on here today made me wonder what the worst Xmas presents you've ever received are.

My stepmum - dad's third wife (who clearly doesn't like me and promotes her daughters and grandchildren over my child - whom she blatantly doesn't care two hoots about), gives the worst presents of all time.

There have been a few - monogrammed animal print dressing gowns for myself and my ex DH (we were still married at the time, she's not THAT bad). Cheapest, most flammable and flimsy material ever, Ex DH's barely skimmed his bum, and funniest of all, bore my married initial, when she knew perfectly well I had kept my maiden name.

The worst / best though was a bottle of vodka. Not too bad you're thinking......however, it had been opened and almost a third was missing. I shit you not. She'd clearly just gone into her cupboard and pulled out any old bottle that was lurking about and popped it in a gift bag - job done.

I'd also like to mention that they are incredibly wealthy people.

I now shake my head, laugh and wait for the next hilarious instalment of awful present giving.

Do regale me with your tales of crap present giving....

One year during my English degree studies, DM bought all my brothers a kindle...and got me a poodle doorstop.

My dm asked what I would like for Christmas one year. I said a nice, small silver necklace.
She promptly when to Claire's and bought me a gold necklace that came with quite chunky individual letters that you could add to the chain to make a word or your name.
As a '40 something' year old woman I really don't want to wear my name on a necklace.

A sewing machine from my exh.
I'd hinted that I didn't have any nice clothes.
It was the beginning of the end!

Early 00's, myself, dd and then df were spending a lovely Christmas morning unwrapping and playing (kids toys rock!) And this smell enveloped the room. Could not figure it out at all.
Opened a gift near the back of the tree (beside the radiator- important) and it was a luxury M&S cheeseboard .....pity the person who bought it had thoughtfully popped it under our tree a couple of days before, never thinking cheese needed to be in the fridge!

I wish someone would buy me a glass mutated jellyfish crab that's just committed a bloody murder :(

One year, and it was a stressful year, my Dparents gave me three AS level revision books, which I did need. But somehow in the chaos she’d forgotten to get me anything else. I remember being sat there and her increasingly worried going ‘I think it’s Ubbe’s turn’ and dad not being able to find anything else from them for me under the tree.

crackedvase

Hahahahah!!!!!

My parents adopted me later in life and we had a big family with somewhat eccentric aunts. One aunt decided to send me horrible nylon scanty g-string type knickers in red and black with a smutty comment on the front. I know they lived near the factory shop, but I was nine years old. My late dad told me to thank her for my christmas gift because she had a "heart of gold". Yeah right dad.

From my mother a farting monster toy - I was 34
She thought I would like it because my 8 year old nephew liked it. No idea why - it went straight to the charity shop
However the worst present she ever got went to my sister. I got lovely piece of luggage and my sister got a bin bag full of gypsy style skirts from the charity shop, none of which had been washed so all smell and looked foosty. My poor sister then got told off for being ungrateful.
My mother likes to play favourites and her presents reflect it. One of the many reasons we are no longer in contact

Dh's dad has form for unusual presents. Dh got a book called Toilets of Cornwall, once, and ds3, aged 11 at the time, got a book of cartoons of Cornish cats, a history of the Cornish Pasty, and a book on Cornish cheeses. DFIL does live in Cornwall, but we don't!

I LOVE THIS THREAD

When dd1 was 8 months old I had been dieting hard and had gone from a size 18 to a 12. exMIL got me a horrible hairy size 22 cardigan for Christmas.

exDP (none of the "ex"s applied then) was a men's size small, with a penchant for rather elegant fitted shirts. He got given an XL jumper in a weird colour.

I was polite about it, he wasn't. the thing is he has experience of her and was already bored to death with her food / weight issues. She thinks everyone but her is the size of a house and one of her favourite things to tell everyone (imagine how much I loved to hear this when I was the most heffalumpish version of pregnant you can imagine, disabled with SPD and busting out of everything) that she weighed 8 stone 7 the day before she gave birth to DP's sister.

She has a very sweet tooth and now has a huge tummy, and diabetes. This is a problem for me because every year work give us all a very lavish looking box of Hotel Chocolat chocolates. as I don't really like chocolate and find HC far too sweet; and as I am not in love with my employers at the moment; it seemed fittingly insulting to both parties to immediately regift this to my ex MIL as her Christmas present. It seemed a victimless crime as actually she loves sweets and it does look very posh. however, this year I've had to give it to someone else and think of another present as even I am not enough of a bitch to give chocolate to someone who's just been diagnosed diabetic and is upset about it.

Probably a really badly made Michael Buble calendar on Secret Santa. It was a picture a month one, with days of the week/month running in a line across the bottom so not a useful calendar. It was v cheap paper and badly stapled on to a piece of cardboard with a hole poked through the top for hanging and I am 99% sure it was some sort of print it yourself kit. Which would have been ok with proper material but not on sub bog roll standard paper. Oh, and I hate Michael Fucking Buble. This was an even crapper gift than the year I got a pair of Ralph Lauren pencils, which were at least useful.

DPs family know a questionable gift giver. She gave his DM a Lynx for men body set last year. DP also got a "build your own" papier mache kit of Homer Simpsons head from her for his 21st. He hates crafts and anything messy!

For Secret Santa one year, the person who picked me was the one person who I didn't get on with. We clashed terribly, but she was an awful witch. She gave me a CD which didn't even have the plastic wrapping on and had clearly been used. No effort to wrap it or anything. She then proceeds to ask me to borrow said CD from me in the New Year and I never got it back.

a ukulele

Oh dear.

Last year a very obviously regifted set of miniature shower gels which would have been ok except they were men's ones.

When I was about 14 my aunt gave me a small pink cuddly toy (I think it was a rabbit) holding a baby's brush and comb set.

These are hilarious. The cocktail-sticks dolphin is my favourite because obviously everyone needs a gadget to pick up their cocktail stocks!

ExH got me a remote control car that drives up walls. I have no idea why.

Hi parents got me a dressing gown. Which would be fine except it's about a size 26 and I'm a 14 so a bit on the generous side...

People keep giving me scarves. I only way scarves on the most bitterly cold days and yet every year I get given 2 or 3 new scarves. I now have about 40 in the cupboard. I just don't understand why people think I want them given that they never see me wearing a scarf.

Also have been given som awful jewellery by SIL. Really cheap stuff stuff with plastic beads, the stuff teenagers might wear but 35 year olds generally don't.

Last year my BIL gave me a can of low calorie diet hot chocolate powder. I wasn’t on a diet but obviously he thought I should have been.

My mum has chosen some corkers. One year she gave DH some whitening toothpaste and a spray bottle of weedkiller for Christmas (his teeth are fine and he hates anything to do with the garden).

Size 14 shiny polyester knickers from an aunt when I was about 12 and a size 6.

My dad gave me a snow shovel and some de-icer a few years back. He said it was going to be a terrible winter... it wasn’t.

I got a "nice" place at the local cemetery from my first MIL when I was 23. Good view, decent neighbours. Shame it is not local to me any more, but good to know I have a plan B.

My ex bought me a conspiracy theory book about 9-11 when he knew that 1. I don’t read non- fiction and 2. I think conspiracy theories are total bollocks. He bought himself a 1000 quid tri- bike. We split up 3 weeks later.

Fuck me @silvercuckoo, I thought that the PP who was given grave decorations had it bad, but your MIL gave you AN ACTUAL GRAVE?

One year as a kid my dad individually wrapped some items of stationary e.g. A plain rubber, sharpener etc. Not as a joke or to make up a complete present either.

And then told me I was spoilt because I had a McDonald's.

nc just in case

My siblings are rubbish. Years of scarves in dodgy colours, I never wear scarves and told them repeatedly. DH and I used to joke as we would drive to meet them about what colour scarf would I get this year. Although they did follow that up with a pink manicure set. I was and still am a pink disliker who doesnt manicure.

We also told them, no wine as niether of us drank it. so we repeatedly got that too. Thats ok , at least we can easily regift.

One sibling really obviously dislikes me, so years to watching everyone else get lovely gifts and me, a cheap hairslide or similar. The last year, when I finally snapped and said lets not give gifts. they gave everyone, including DH lots of lovely food. I got a straight cut shredder. Useful but it conks out after a few sheets so not even a good quality one.

I've just found out my MIL has bought my mum a facial hair remover.

I'm not just saying it, but my mum doesn't have an issue on this area.

This has got to be the worst present ever, surely?!