To Ask About The Most Hilariously Awful Xmas Gifts You've Received

[Absofuckinglutely]

Lighthearted thread. The SIL's awful gift thread on here today made me wonder what the worst Xmas presents you've ever received are.

My stepmum - dad's third wife (who clearly doesn't like me and promotes her daughters and grandchildren over my child - whom she blatantly doesn't care two hoots about), gives the worst presents of all time.

There have been a few - monogrammed animal print dressing gowns for myself and my ex DH (we were still married at the time, she's not THAT bad). Cheapest, most flammable and flimsy material ever, Ex DH's barely skimmed his bum, and funniest of all, bore my married initial, when she knew perfectly well I had kept my maiden name.

The worst / best though was a bottle of vodka. Not too bad you're thinking......however, it had been opened and almost a third was missing. I shit you not. She'd clearly just gone into her cupboard and pulled out any old bottle that was lurking about and popped it in a gift bag - job done.

I'd also like to mention that they are incredibly wealthy people.

I now shake my head, laugh and wait for the next hilarious instalment of awful present giving.

Do regale me with your tales of crap present giving....

A pig onsie from my sil !!! .I am not a onsie type person ( no offence onsie wearers ) , just not me, least of all a fucking pig one at that !

Errm is that how you spell onsie , looks wrong ?

Also, this: you press the dolphin down and it picks you up a cocktail stick.
My family clearly think I lack the basic social graces necessary to host la di da soirées!

I would have swapped ladyofthecanyon, at least that has a use !

My husband, when we'd only been together a few months, bought his mum her favourite perfume and gave me the free small bottle that came with it.

We were all sat there and I said, in front of his mother who had just opened hers "why did you get me a small bottle of your mums perfume" kindly but confused, and he replied, "well it came free with mums and I thought you'd like it"

He genuinely couldn't understand everyone taking the piss or see the issue and kept saying "but it's nice perfume". 🤣🤣🤣

Oh yeah, remembered another one. A 6*10" picture of a beach with palm tree, all in foil, and small lights going through it. Wouldn't have looked out of place in Del Boys' flat! Also my bitch of my brothers exgf gave me a smellies set for #christmas. It was for men.

Sorry, don't know where that '# ' came from.

Armchairanarchist 🤣🤣
Did you do the “Wow, just what I always wanted.”
Why did you get you that? Was there any explanation? 🤣🤣🤣

Armchair I actually love that crab. He looks like he's looking at his claws, all sad, thinking 'what is wrong with my hands!'.

Some of the crappest presents received are:

A stapler. Yes, really!

Book of Crap Towns which was given because the town now ex lived in was in it

Garden lanterns when I lived in a top floor flat.

A CD cleaning set?!

The bottle of Baileys I gave my mother!!!

My MIL has sadly got early dementia and one of the effects is she's suddenly awful at gift giving. Seriously she used to be the most generous woman. Last year she got me half a two pack of gloves. She'd torn the pack in half and given the other half to her neighbours daughter.

A pair of pale blue bootie style thinsulate slippers with a velcro closing at the ankle from a former fiance, the kind of thing a bedridden 90 year old would wear. The wedding was surprisingly called off.

When I was 15 in 1984, my maiden aunts gave me brushed-nylon shirt and skirt combo, in burgundy with a small cream flower motif. I had spiky hair and green nail varnish at the time. I made such a good job of pretending I liked it my sister thought I'd gone mad.

My MIL bought me a Willow Tree ornament after I gave birth. I was worried it would start a trend as I friggin' hate clutter!

This year we've been bought £100 voucher for a food shop that we don't ever go to. I've no idea why! I know I sound ungrateful but we've now got to go into town to buy things we would have bought from Tesco down the road anyway!

My Dad once bought me mudflaps for Christmas!

He said it was because my car needed mudflaps ..

Dead practical my Dad

Namechange for this one.

My MIL once phoned DH to demand he visited her as she wanted him to pick up my Christmas present. It was sort of like this one except it looked about 15 years old, used, in a dirty torn up box and came beautifully wrapped randomly stuffed into in a crumpled filthy Kwiksave carrier bag. It was the only gift she ever gave either one of us and I strongly suspect something she got from a jumble sale and only used to get him to visit.

Apart from once receiving a necklace from one of my brothers, it's the only Christmas present/birthday/anniversary gift I've received in twenty nine years. Nobody gets me anything ever, including DH.

I have to pretend I'm cool and that it doesn't bother me...it bothers me.

Don’t pretend anymore that it doesn’t bother you betty. That’s absolutely awful that you’ve never got a Pokemon!

*present

stapler

I was given a wind up torch with built on rape alarm by a family friend when I was a kid. I loved it and would set the alarm off constantly. My poor DM eventually superglued the switch to stop the alarm working😂

MIL has given me some dreadful presents: size 16-18 belt when I was size 8-10. (Many years ago). Now I get size 8-10 nighties when I am a size 12-14. I’ve had 36inch leg trousers - I am 5 foot tall. I also had a year where she gave me clothes from Primark when everyone else got an outfit from Debenhams! Last year I got 2 chokers. Exactly what a middle aged woman with a short, thickening neck needs.
I also had an ex boyfriend many years ago who’s mum explained she had bought me a present, but since lost it - so that was it!

@Arrowfanatic

I feel a dastardly plan hatching.

Do you have a cat, do you have a friend with a cat.

Purchase a small box of identical chocolates.
Put on protective gloves.
Hold each one up and get cat to lick it.
Take pictures of cat licking it.
Try also to get pic of cat licking it's undercarriage.

When she posts "funny" pics of her scoffing your chocs, you post licky cat pics.

For clarity, I am NOT suggesting giving her the chocs the cat lick, just letting her briefly think you did.

I got really crap presents from my MIL for few years - a 'manicure set' (couple of clear nail varnishes and a file, obviously from the pound shop), bath salts, a magazine about spiritualism (something she likes, I have zero interest in)
I started to wonder what I'd done to offend her, but carried on buying her nice, thoughtful gifts (not hugely expensive, but not bargain bucket either)

After the third Christmas of this, I asked DP if he thought something was up, then he thought to mention that she'd been giving him chunks of cash each year to go into a savings account so that was her gift to us - he wasn't intending on keeping it for himself, it was future house deposit money, he just hadn't thought to mention it.

One Christmas, my DH was given a nutcracker from his mum.

But no nuts.

...I reckon she'd forgotten his gift and raided the kitchen.

Not me, but my ex's mother bought continuously awful gifts.

A hairdryer for my ex...despite him being bald.

A garden ornament...when we lived in a flat above a shop.

I had a slightly unhinged nan once who gave me an empty CD gift box one year and an opened box of scented sanitary bags another year. She also have my sister (in her 20s) a giant colouring book and crayons.