To Ask About The Most Hilariously Awful Xmas Gifts You've Received

[Absofuckinglutely]

Lighthearted thread. The SIL's awful gift thread on here today made me wonder what the worst Xmas presents you've ever received are.

My stepmum - dad's third wife (who clearly doesn't like me and promotes her daughters and grandchildren over my child - whom she blatantly doesn't care two hoots about), gives the worst presents of all time.

There have been a few - monogrammed animal print dressing gowns for myself and my ex DH (we were still married at the time, she's not THAT bad). Cheapest, most flammable and flimsy material ever, Ex DH's barely skimmed his bum, and funniest of all, bore my married initial, when she knew perfectly well I had kept my maiden name.

The worst / best though was a bottle of vodka. Not too bad you're thinking......however, it had been opened and almost a third was missing. I shit you not. She'd clearly just gone into her cupboard and pulled out any old bottle that was lurking about and popped it in a gift bag - job done.

I'd also like to mention that they are incredibly wealthy people.

I now shake my head, laugh and wait for the next hilarious instalment of awful present giving.

Do regale me with your tales of crap present giving....

Some hilarious ones on here.

I once got a stone from my SIL. Literally, a stone. I'd understand it, if it had been from a day out together and came with a handwritten , heartfelt note. But nope, she had just wrapped up a bloody pebble.

I also got size 16 sexy lingerie from my MIL. I was a size 6-8 at the time I am bigger now ...lots of operations and a year in a wheel chair and 10 years older, so currently a size 14. MIL buys me size 8 stuff now.....

A pair of shit brown mugs with 'grotesque' faces on them; the whole mug was a gurning crumpled face. Oh well, I thought, I might as well use them. Poured boiling water in them for 2 cuppas and they both turned into sieves, the water pouring out of the severely cracked bottoms all over the worktop. I was very pleased to chuck them both in the bin. These were from a much loved friend, but she must have been having a bad day when she chose those.

An extension plug from my DH

bettyocean loving the idea of pictures of the cat licking the chocolates!

A truly ugly knitted cardigan with heavily fringed collars and cuffs. It had also clearly been sat in a window for a long time because it was faded on one side... I kept in a cupboard for a while (not entirely sure why) but eventually saw sense and binned it.

My MIL will send presents or money for everyone but me. She hates me but whatever 😂 Most presents I have received are great but the presents my SIL sends us are bizarre. She knows for a fact (because my husband has spoken to her numerous times about it and recently too) that we eat gluten and sugar free and that my husband is also dairy free and every year she sends chocolates and his apparent “favourite” crisps (they haven’t been his favourite for about twenty years 🙄) and this year we also received crackers and some kind of chutney (sugar). I mean—okay thanks for the thought (well is it thoughtful? Not really) but it literally gets opened and goes straight to the foodbank. It’s a nice yearly donation for us to make I guess 🤷‍♀️😂 it would be nicer if she just sent a card (for us I mean—the people who use the foodbank probably love her).

My now ex (thank god!) step mother took the biscuit every year with purposefully terrible gifts.... Ladies and gentleman I give you:
A bill. Received on my 18th birthday - apparently for all the money I'd cost them (I hadn't, saw them 3 times a year)

A 6 inch square clutch bag..... Constructed entirely of terrible long fake fur (I was 29 on receipt of this beaut)

A floor length duffel coat

A set of pastel handbag charms, including tassels and bows (I was a goth at the time)

A chocolate stiletto

The most vile swarovski bracelet I've ever seen..... Was also clearly child sized (I was 28, am. 5'9 with size 10 feet, nothing petite about me)

This was despite my dad asking me what I wanted every year, in earlier years there'd be a list.... Eventually I asked for amazon vouchers. One year he actually chose something himself behind her back and she went loopy and refused to talk to him.

A make up kit from my aunt because she said that I don't wear enough make up (I do, I just prefer it to be subtle). It was one of those with about 850 different shades of eyeshadow, 67 blushers and a palette of various shades of bright pink lipsticks, and which cost around £2.50.

There was also a snood which I got last year. From M&S, it was a thick fur lined cable knit and it was so heavy and thick that it wouldn't fold down around my neck and my face was covered by it.

The Baylis and Harding gift set that my mother in law gets me every single year.

My mum to me on my 18th....I thought I'd get you a little something to go with your birthday cheque. It was a bottle of Wash and Go (it was the 80s).

An ex bought me a hideous flannel men's shirt for Christmas. It was also way too big as I am quite short and was a size 8 back then. I was quite intrigued as to how he'd chosen it and ended up asking months later. Apparently I'd pointed at it in a shop and said it was nice....I cast my mind back and remembered pointing out a lovely pink dress in the shop he'd bought it from which had obviously been nearby!

Another ex on our first Christmas together showed me his gift from his parents. It was a key ring that made a noise like bubble wrap when you pressed it. That was it, the only thing they bought him! They weren't exactly skint either. People are weird.

Last year at my in laws they gave me an L orange fleece (I am 8/10 relatively stylish woman) which smelled worn and was clearly preloved..... I am not sure what I had done to annoy them?

A scratched plain white plate from my MIL. As our wedding present.

I now want a dolphin that picks up cocktail sticks

Gifts for which a gentleman was dumped on Boxing Day:

1. the smallest size box of Roses, when he asked for (and got) an incredibly expensive manga poster I had to import from Japan.
2. The Roses were a joint birthday present too.

He then refused to buy me a Xmas coffee in Costa citing penury. When I paid and we sat down he whipped out a brochure showing me the South Africa luxury tour he'd just booked for himself.

Bloody hell, these are shocking. People genuinely are weird.

My worst ever I think was a mug with something about buying lots of shoes on it when I was a skint student. I found it insensitive as I didn't have money to buy lots of shoes.

That's it. I've been very lucky.

DH did once get me a label maker which he got mocked for but that's an awesome present which has been used a million times and which gives my children endless joy too. People, a label maker is my top Christmas present idea for people of most ages

My exMIL used to hand make everyone gifts that were, well, crap, but I used to love them because it’s the thought that counts etc etc and often they were hilariously bad

My favourite was the hand sewn xmas Debs filled with pot pourri... except she smoked like a chimney so they reeked of fags

Oh and my parents once bought me an electric toothbrush. I was 15... let’s just say it wasn’t on my list

A Pam Ayers cd 🤨

'

For secret Santa I got given a mug set with some tea bags. I don’t drink tea and the tea bags were two years out of date. Looked like it cost £3 rather than the £15 we had as a budget.

A tube of Pringles. Thanks, MIL.

My Ex, when he was my DH, bought me a wood and brass table top ten pin bowling executive toy. My DH's aunt gave me a toiletries gift set that had clearly been sitting in her bathroom for an incredibly long time - it was covered in a film of dust/damp/general bathroom dirt.

A 3 year out of date Ferreo Roche box of chocs from my mum's friend, shed clearly won them years ago and forgot.
A plastic otter necklack and a teddy in a wicker pram from my sister. The pram at christmas when i was 7 and the necklace for my 21st!!!

I've had a few crap Secret Santas - our limit is £10 and it's a game to try to guess who's bought the worst/cheapest/tackiest items. Sometimes it backfires.

I once received a very pornographic cup and coaster personalised gift set describing 'my' sex life in full detail with images. I opened that in front of my whole family. It wasn't a joke.

Something like this.... from Dsis but in burgundy plastic.

Purchased from the charity shop - which I have zero problems with, except...

...it was broken in one corner.
... and it was engraved with someone else's name - because it was their long-service award for working at Shell oil. It had the shell crest on it.

I chucked it straight back to the charity shop, which I'm actually sad about now as it's been a great story over the years and I wish I still had it to show people who have found the story funny too.

One year DH bought me two massive neon pink plastic hair clips that were two halves of a peacock (if held side by side) covered with big cheap rhinestones. Very Gypsy Weddings style. I weighed them and together they weighed almost 350g and covered my two palms together. I have a pixie cut with longest part of my hair being approx 1.5 inch . He had a bit of a dodgy track record of present buying but these really took the biscuit. He is firmly barred from all present selecting now